Guts and imagination

Everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. -- Sylvia Plath

Ah, self-doubt. Anyone know anything about that? Oh, wait. That's my hand that shot up in the air and then flew down only to creep back up, slowly. Yep, self-doubt.

I wrote a novel a few years back, actually finished it about three years ago. I was over the moon. It was before I was really into the screenwriting business. It was back when I was just a writer. I wrote and wrote and wrote. And I finally had this thing, this book, to hold in my hands. And hold I did. I copied it that December and gave a copy to my parents and several grandparents. I heard people enjoyed it though I don't know if I ever saw anyone reading it or if anyone had anything specific to say about it. I have one of those copies here and each time I run across it in the closet, I want to cry.

I love this book. I love the story. I love the characters. They are real to me. They are real and they are stuck in a closet gathering dust and hiding under a box of CD cases I'll never use but can't seem to part with. Why? Because I don't know what to do with this book I've made. This thing I've created.

I'm not sure what I thought would happen to it (okay, that's a lie - I was planning on giving it to my agent when I got one through my glorious screenwriting career) but nothing has, so far. That qualifier is the only thing that holds me - so far. I won't let that self-doubt stop me.

Today I start a rewrite. The novel is long, too long, for a first-time writer to get published so I need to cut. Kill my babies, as we say in writing circles. I need to edit and restructure and tame it. No small feat but nothing I can't handle. (Famous last words...)

So here I go. And hopefully, sometime in the near future, you'll be able to hold your very own copy of An every day silence by Sarah Knapp. Guts and imagination, here we go!

Writing alone, together

Last night I attended the 2012 Sublime Primetime Emmy-nominated writers' panel at the Writers Guild Theater. I love this event. What more can a television writer ask than an evening spent listening to some of the best television writers out there speak on craft, tell stories, and share insight? Not much.

The president of the Writers Guild introduced the night with a lovely quote that I cannot remember but in sentiment it was that we are all writing alone but together. I love that. While writing is a solitary endeavor for the most part, creating television shows is anything but.

Recently I decided that I needed to further my writing skills by working with a writing consultant and the experience was exciting. To spend a couple of hours delving into my work, talking about characters I created as if they existed beyond the page, was something every writer should experience. Immediately.

To me, writing is serious business. But it's not just a business, it's not just the work I do every day at my desk. It's a part of who I am, who I want to be. I love it. So much so that I spent money to attend an event to hear others talk about it. Love it.

The writers at last night's event were diverse yet each fascinating in his or her own right. The writers who put together the Academy Awards, the Tonys, even the Emmys. The writer who crafts Bill Maher's dialogues. The writers who share with us their vision of the 50s and 60s via Mad Men. The writers who scare us into thinking about what might happen if the CIA does operate on U.S. soil via Homeland. The writer of an epic story about a couple of epic clans, the Hatfields and McCoys. The writer who reminds us all what it is to be young and stupid and way too smart in Girls. The writer who is hilarious and quick and smiles a lot and spends his time crafting zombie stories via the Walking Dead.

It was an amazing night and I didn't have my pencil to write it all down. (Long ago I decided to leave it at home as experiencing something and recording something are two very different activities.) But that doesn't mean I won't remember it. Pieces will pop up when I go to a meeting and think about how to pitch until I have nothing left or when I just can't sit at the computer for hour eleven. And to me, the writing alone then becomes a little less lonely when I realize we're all in it together.

The bedroom saga

Last year for my birthday my parents bought me a wonderful present -- a queen size mattress and box springs. The bed came with a frame. They bought me sheets and a new blanket, I got a comforter set from a friend, I finally got to use the quilts that my mom and my aunt had made me and things were good. Great.

Me in my 2011 birthday present! Love it!

I spend a lot of time in my bedroom, more time that the average person would be my guess. See, I sleep here. Usually between six and seven hours a night. I usually read for a little bit before I fall asleep so that's another thirty minutes to an hour. Then I get up and take two steps and sit down at my desk, in my bedroom. Voila! Home office! All in all, I'd guess I spend anywhere from fifteen to eighteen hours a day in my room most days. So what goes on in here is important and little sneaks by me.

That said, a month ago the ants invaded again. This time, not in the kitchen as they had done a few weeks prior. This time? They set up camp, no, they set up their metropolis, in my bedroom. Thousands of ants in their little organized ant roads running up and down the walls, in the corners, along the baseboards, even behind the bed. (I didn't sleep in here at all during the invasion, I'm thankful for a comfy couch.)

So, it was when we moved my bed to examine the ant problem that we found the mold. Again. We dealt with mold two years ago (dealt is a strong word but I won't outline my issues with our landlords here) and now it was back, on another wall. Long story short, last Wednesday contractors came to replace two walls.

The mold on one wall

It took about six hours, not counting the several hours the night before Angela and I had spent putting up plastic on the doors and closets to protect my stuff and the rest of the house from the mess. That and moving everything but my desk out into the living room. Alas, it is finished. And we're hoping (fingers crossed, everyone!) that the mold is gone like they promise us it is!

So before I put my room back together Angela and I went shopping for a new bedframe and headboard for my birthday present this year from my parents (they are awesome!). The old, free frame had plastic wheels that busted when we attempted to move it and I wanted something sturdier. We lucked on to a great frame the first store we went to (the same store we got our couch and two living room chairs from, love Cort!). And here it is -- new headboard, frame and bedskirt. And it only took two trips to the hardware and about four hours to assemble it all! (Whew!)

My 2012 birthday present - the headboard and frame! Love it!

I love it! My room is pulled together now with the gorgeous antique end tables that were my great grandma's and if I can get all the pictures back on the wall, we'll be golden! I'm one lucky girl!

PrimeCuts

On Sunday I convinced Angela to accompany me to a free event at the Egyptian Theater in Hollywood. It was a panel discussion lead by Shawn Ryan, television writer (creator of The Shield among other things I love), with several Emmy-nominated editors. Editors? Yep, editors. And no, I'm not switching professions.

The reason I wanted to go to the event was that I am a writer and I want to be a showrunner someday. I want to create and craft a television series. That doesn't just mean writing the story but it means casting, choosing locations for shooting, directing, producing, even editing. Some of the strongest voices among showrunners today are those who spend hours in the editing booth along side these talented individuals who were up on the stage Sunday afternoon.

And guess what? The event was fascinating. For both Angela and I. (I told her I'd go with her to a free screening of Pitch Perfect next week, a movie we've seen previewed too many times and that I groan at each time. But I'll hold onto my end of the bargain!) We laughed, we learned a lot and we were held rapt by the stories these editors told.

Did you know that for every 45 minute show of The Deadliest Catch there are thousands of hours of tape that these editors have to cull? That these tapes are made by actual cameramen and women in the boats and then thrown overboard in cases they hope the follow boat will find?

Did you know that sometimes the writer of an episode of a TV drama will just write montage in the script and it's up to the editor to craft that? And the result is usually breathtaking? (see any and all montages in Breaking Bad)

The panelists showed clips of their work and talked for over two and half hours. I could have listened for twice that long. I'm amazed at what these people do. How they take very rough-looking film or tape and turn it into the beauty that we watch on our HD TVs each week. They create scenes with music and glances and movement. It's really quite something.

Ten on Thursday

Ten things I'm thankful for today (in no particular order)...

1. That it's just the tiniest bit cooler out. (Yes, 89 is cooler for L.A. this time of year.) Without air conditioning it's been VERY WARM in our house/my office. VERY WARM. (AKA ridiculously, horrendously, unimaginably hot.) 
2. The black, white and orange cat that sleeps behind the BBQ in our backyard. She climbs the fence (which is almost 6 foot tall) and settles into the dirt patch right there between the grill and the garage. We put a bowl of water out for her Monday because it was so stinking hot and today she finally drank from it! And she came back tonight to rest again. She'll have a name soon enough. 
3. New socks and new shoes. My mom bought me the socks Up North this summer, they're for runners, wool, supposed to prevent blisters. I won the shoes at the Revlon 5K we did this spring and they just arrived in the mail last week. So far it's been 6 days in a row of walking and not a single blister. This is truly a miracle for me! 
4. Angela having a wonderful group of students and getting to slowly make her classroom her own. It's not permanent but it's hers for a while. 
5. My Community season 3 DVDs. We laugh and laugh every night watching them.
6. My writing support system. I love having a group of friends who talk me through things, post silly things for me, and encourage me every day. 
7. Weight Watchers ice cream bars.
8. Fresh fruit. This week: kiwis, peaches and bananas.
9. Doctors and chemo and faith. Having all three in this life is essential to keeping the people I love with me. 
10. Music. Every day it's something different with me it seems. This week I had a whole day of Childish Gambino (rap - I LOVE HIM!), another of Joshua Kadison (I know every note of every song in my soul), and yet another of dance music that kept me tapping my feet while I graded thesis statements for hours (in love with MIA's song Bad Girls).