I've been working with a literary management company for the entire year. And as most of you know, I've been pretty quiet on the subject. In Los Angeles people aren't really sure what managers do. They know what agents do (get you jobs/sell your work) and they really know what lawyers do. But managers are a new entity in the marketplace and one that hasn't been fully defined. Some are simply creative people wanting to help writers/actors/directors/producers become better at their craft. Some are producers who are looking for their next big project. I have friends who have managers and lawyers. Friends who have agents and lawyers. Friends who have just managers. It really depends on where you are in your career, who you like working with, etc. It's very individual.
And as I said, I've been working with this management company for a while now. And it's been an education and an interesting ride. And I've learned a lot, mostly about myself as a writer and as a professional. And I a couple of weeks ago they offered me a contract. I knew it was coming, they're a new company and they've been preparing me for this day. However, I didn't know exactly how I'd react.
I took a week to think about it. I talked with friends (some of whom are working with the managers as well, some who aren't). I talked with a lawyer. I had daydreams about possibilities. I had nightmares about possibilities. I worried, I cried, I made lists, I prayed. And I realized, with the help of some friends and my family, that ultimately if the company and I weren't a good fit, we just weren't a good fit.
So I made the first big decision of my professional writing career: not to sign with the management company. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. Mostly because I knew what I was going to do from moment one but didn't want to admit it, to myself. I'm terrified of what will come next. I'm more terrified that nothing will come next. But I'm also confident in my abilities and in my perseverance.
The future is always uncertain, for every single one of us. We don't know if we'll get a tomorrow or a next year or a fifty years from now. We don't know if we'll find that perfect job, meet that perfect mate or end up with something completely different than what we envisioned. But for now, I take solace in the fact that I made a choice. I made a decision and I believe in it. I have faith that what's next will be awesome. What's next will be better because I am a better person for having gone through this experience. I'm moving on, toward the next big thing. Who's going with me?
2 comments:
When I switched jobs earlier this year, I had many people (including my MIL) ask me "Is it a move that will help your career?" How on earth will I know the answer to that question? It's not like I lead multiple simultaneous lives that veer down different paths, so I can quantitatively see which one is more "successful" or whatever. I knew I needed a change, it sounded like a good idea, so I took a leap of faith and made a decision, and moved forward from there. I'm much happier at work now, which is the most important thing, but was it "good" for me? Who knows? I did what you did...I weighed the pros and cons, and ultimately let my gut make an informed, thoughtful decision, just like you did. That's all any of us really can do. And you'll be great! :)
When logic and reasoning reinforce what your gut tells you - it's a lock that it is a good decision. There will always be people that want to tell you that they know what's best for you - but really, only you know that. Stay true to you - that way you never have to say "I wish I would've...." D
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