Nothing new...and yet? Everything.

This morning at about one o'clock in the morning, I finished reading Rob Lowe's memoir "Stories I Only Tell My Friends". It's a book I bought for my mom for Christmas after I saw her thumbing through it at a bookstore this summer. I wasn't sure if she was just curious or really interested so I thought I'd surprise her. So this week I picked up the book to take a look at it myself and instantly I was hooked.

Hooked. I couldn't put it down. I finished it in less than two days. I was fascinated by his stories, the way he told them, the life he's had and all that I didn't know about his career, and even that which I did know. Basically I knew him as Sam Seaborn, and now as a character on my beloved Parks and Recreation. But it was so interesting to read about his experience, his path, his choices. And to hear him own them all and cherish them all.

As I turned the last page in the book early this morning I immediately wanted to put my fingers on the keyboard. I love when that happens. When I see a movie or watch an episode of television or read something that makes me want to write. To tell great stories too. And that's exactly what this book did. Inspire me.

As most of you know, my journey as a writer has not been short. And it has not been easy. I've been at it for a long time. And it's taken me so many places and taught me so much. And yet, there are times, when I find myself wanting to stop. Wanting to not so much quit writing as quit the pursuit of professional writing. I realize I am probably not alone in this. But I like to think I'm different because well, I don't quit. I can't. To me, there is not a Plan B. There is no other option.

A few weeks ago after a writers' group meeting I found myself surrounded by four fabulous friends and I burst into tears. We'd been talking about jobs and money and how to keep going, how to get that break, any break, that we all so desperately chase. And these were not people I had ever really cried in front of before (sans Angela, of course). I hadn't meant to cry. I hadn't meant to let it all out. But I did and I felt stupid and yet, comforted immediately. My friends smiled and hugged me and told me that it was all going to work out. And then they called me the next day and told me all the same things again (in fact, two friends called at the same time!).

And since that day a few weeks ago I've been trying to figure things out in my head. Trying to make a plan. Trying to decide what's next. But really? There's nothing new in the works for 2012. I have no grand scheme. I have no other options. This is it. I want to be in the show. I want to do this. So this is what I need to be doing. I will head home to Los Angeles in January and I will polish my portfolio and I will do this. Because this is all there is. And yet? While there's really nothing new, there's so much possibility. So very much. So much I can't even imagine it all. And that's freakin' awesome.

So thanks, Rob Lowe, for sharing your stories. Thanks for reminding me that it's all up to me to pursue my dreams. No one else will do this for me. No one else will push me like I will push me. And so, off I go...