Diary of a P.A.

The first scene of the day

Yep, that's me in the above shot, just to the left of the slate. The picture is of the monitor that the camera fed into on the short film I was working on. I was never supposed to be on camera. So let me explain what happened...

My awesome friend Sonora Chase is an actress and writer and director and she produce to make what she hopes is the first in a long line of her own projects. So she called me up and asked me if I'd be the production assistant, or P.A. (I'd already prefaced that I'd love to help out on set but had less than zero technical knowledge of filming). She said I'd likely work craft services (setting out all the food she got from Costco and making sure that the lunches arrived on time) and keep track of the props she would be using. I agreed immediately.

Last week I got the call sheet, the piece of paper that lists every person who'll be working on the film and when they are to report to set (their call time). Being a part of production, I had the earliest call time each day (the shoot was two days long) and the latest wrap time each night (wrap time is when you are finished). Each day we were scheduled to film for twelve hours on a soundstage called Air Hollywood about thirty minutes north of Los Angeles. I was looking at some long days.

I was excited though, it was the first time I'd ever seen my name on a call sheet. It was the first time I'd ever be involved in the production of any type of film beyond being an extra on Dexter. So off I went Thursday morning. I felt a little like a race car driver on the freeways, everyone else was driving into the city but not me, I was driving out so traffic was very light. Now I know the trick to beating the commute.

Once production started I quickly realized my job as P.A. would be a grabbag of everything which was awesome. Once I got craft services set up and the paperwork organized for the cast and crew I wandered into the main room where we'd be shooting, the airport. I was quickly put to work taping down cords, putting together tripods for lights, moving plants, assembling dollies. And that was all before the actors arrived. Once that happened Sonora asked if I'd be an extra in the scene so they could add some more activity in the background. I went off to makeup, got some really heavy foundation applied, and assumed my "acting" for the next four hours as 'girl on cell phone'. That's right. My job was to sit in the very back of the shot and be on my cell phone, purse on my lap, suitcase in the chair next to me. Boy was that hard! I played Words with Friends. I Tweeted pictures from set. I read proposals from my writers' group. I texted with friends. All in the name of acting. And between shots, I'd jump up to deliver water to the crew, move a camera, et cetera. How fun!

That afternoon I wasn't in the shot so I became the 'slate girl'. I was nervous at first, I didn't know what to say or exactly where to hold the slate that announced what scene we were shooting. But it didn't take long to figure it out. Scene Three Frank, Take Two, Mark. And then I'd snap it shut. Once they heard the snap they knew it was time to yell action.

Me slating my own scene on the plane

By Thursday night I headed home exhausted, made a water and Coke run on the way, ate a quick dinner and fell into bed quickly, all just in time to get back up and do it again Friday. But something dawned on me before I left the house Friday morning. I thought about the film, which was really only about three minutes in length and covered about three hours of time. What if they needed me to be 'girl with cell phone' again? So I threw my stinky clothes in a bag in the back of the car and headed north.

We had a lot more extras on Friday so bagels were served, paperwork was completed and I spent several hours holding the monitor and audio cables as we filmed dolly shots of people boarding a plane. Then we moved into the body of a real airplane. It was very cool to see how the cameras and lights had to maneuver to get the shots. But it worked! And guess what? The DP (Director of Photography) said wouldn't it be cool if I could be in the shot again. I asked if they wanted me in my clothes from yesterday and voila! I was 'girl on cell phone' once again. This time I got to be in on the action a bit more.

Me and Elliot who played a TSA agent in the film, we are sitting in the seat Maya Rudolph occupied in "Bridesmaids"

They seated me next to Sonora, who was playing the lead character Becky. During each shot (and there were at least twenty that we filmed in just a few hours) I had to head to my seat from the aisle, pull up the sweater they told me to have down on my shoulders, straighten my clothes, settle into my seat, and pick up my cell phone. What you won't see? I also had to be the slate girl for each shot! I had do my clapboard thing then run back to my mark (position one in filming lingo). That was fun! (I bet Emmy and Oscar winners don't work that hard!)

This is a shot of me and Jen who played the annoyed flight attendant, she's practicing here

At some point during the blocking (aka planning) for the scene on the plane I leaned over to Sonora and said, "Wouldn't it be funny if when you started your rant in the middle of the scene, I picked up my things and moved over a seat." I said it kind of off-handedly but they loved the idea so I had some more acting to do each take. And then at some point they decided they really liked my reaction to the whole scene so there was a close-up shot of that. I hope it all turns out well, there had been no makeup chair for me that morning and my training only comes from my real life annoyances while on a plane.

We wrapped right on time Friday night and then ran around for an hour packing up lights and props and cleaning. By the time I took off my shoes to drive home, I had blisters on every toe and my hands. Oh, I forgot to mention that! There's a scene in the film where plane passengers are putting their belongings on the conveyor belt to be screened. We've all done it, plop your shoes in the little bin and off they go. Well, the magic here? The conveyor belt didn't work on the soundstage. So you'll see my work on screen but not me in that scene. I'm on my hands and knees pulling the conveyor belt to make it run. Hence, the hand blisters. Too funny! And by the time I made it home Friday night, I was doubly exhausted. But in that awesome way where you know you've earned it. You've run your butt off and you can now sleep for twelve hours.

"Airport Douchery" will be out on Funny or Die soon. I can't wait. And I can't wait to do it all again!