Michigan, here I come!

Tomorrow is the end of my Los Angeles year. I'll board a plane shortly after sunrise and head to Michigan, my winter home for the next month, where I know they've got snow and cold temperatures and weeks of parties and celebrations and everything I want this Christmas season: my friends and family.

2013 was quite a year. As Angela and I talked about Christmas cards we decided we couldn't top last year's oceanside shots and went with the more traditional year in review via photographs. I love Christmas cards. I love getting them in the mail, sitting down to write them, seeing who's sent a letter and who's moved. It's old fashioned but it's something I cling too. My Grandma MacDonald used to write out cards for everyone in her address book and it often took her all of December. Sometimes she'd still have a few to send out after Christmas but it didn't matter because she'd write a note to include and she enjoyed it. I want to carry that on.

In the top left is Angela and I at her University of Phoenix graduation where I participated in the ceremony as a faculty member and she received her Master of Arts in teaching. Then there we are "skiing" on Grouse Mountain in Vancouver. Then that's all of us at the Magic Castle in Los Angeles when Mom and Dad visited this spring.

The milkshakes are a little obvious but we're eating at Canter's and we had the best meal that day. We ate and laughed and my mom bonded with the waitress who was being treated badly by her manager. I watched my mom give that woman a big tip that day and it reminded me of just one of the million reasons I love my parents. Below that is Ang and I by the space shuttle Endeavor when we chaperoned her sixth graders on a field trip this fall. We saw the Endeavor twice this year and it was awesome. I hope to visit again next year! Science is cool!

In the middle and right below are pics from our day at the American Music Awards Red Carpet. Then me and Mom at Venice Beach on her birthday in May soaking up the sun and getting our toes wet. Below that we're back at Grouse Mountain with cousin Doris who spent the weekend in Vancouver with us sightseeing and having just the best time.

The bottom row is Angela and I at a Tigers game, one of many we attended this year. It's also the photo we tucked inside my grandparents' caskets as we laid them to rest this summer. Next season won't be quite the same without them.

Next is Angela and I at Griffith Park, in the Observatory parking lot overlooking the Hollywood sign. We finally got mom and dad up there at 7am on a Sunday morning with coffee and donuts and it was a perfect way to see the city. Quietly and without smog. Finally, a shot from Mom and Dad's surprise 40th anniversary party. We started planning it almost a year ago. What a year it has been.

This Christmas will be different. We lost three grandparents this summer/fall. It will be the first time in my life when I don't get off a plane in December and call my Grandma Cows to tell her I've landed (she was terrified of us traveling and I know she rarely slept when we were scheduled to fly but hearing the relaxation in her voice and giving her a big hug soon after made it all worth it). It will be the first time we have a Knapp family Christmas without our matriarch (I will drink a big glass of egg nog this year for you Grandma, even if the rest of my family thinks egg nog is weird, I love it! Thank you for giving me that!). It will be the first time we don't trek to Harry & David to load up on Moose Munch and summer sausage and all of the treats grandpa loved (we switched to treats some time ago, after he quit smoking so much but I still remember when Angela and I used to wrap up pouches of pipe tobacco as his gift each year!). It will be different. It will be hard. And yet? It will be.

There is so much that will happen over the next few weeks. Christmas parties and open houses, worship services, dinners with friends, Christmas celebrations with families both in Michigan and in Canada, gifts to wrap and unwrap, New Years balls to watch drop, Rose Bowl fun with Michigan State in the mix, baking the Christmas morning plunkett with the grandneighbor girls, unwrapping Christmas morning gifts with all three of the grandneighbors, playing board games with Susie, visiting old friends. I can not wait.

Merry Christmas, everyone! Happy New Year too! 2013 was an amazing year. And I know 2014 has so much more in store!

10 books...

One of my college roommates, Tracy, challenged me to list 10 books that have impacted my life. Here they are in no particular order which will probably drive Tracy, the librarian, crazy! 

1.     Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott (the ultimate guide to writing and life, Anne is AMAZING)

2.     Izzy Willy Nilly by Cynthia Voigt (the scene where she describes her first taste of milk post-surgery still gives me chills, I use it in writing classes as an example constantly)

3.     To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee (which can I just say, I read for the first time TWO years ago!!! The public school system failed me!!!)

4.     Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller (he challenges the notions of religion and faith and I love that!)

5.     Last Act by Christopher Pike (first scary book I read, I had to take Angela to the bathroom with me I was so scared particularly because it was a snow day and we were home alone!)

6.     The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton (I didn’t read this until five years ago, when I taught it to my 7^th graders. I read it 4 times in 2 years and could read it again right this very second. I have never been so moved by a reading experience)

7.     Superfudge by Judy Blume (it’s one of the first chapter books I remember my mom and dad reading to me)

8.     Palomino by Danielle Steel (the first romance/grownup novel I read, the summer before 8^th grade – my grandmother gave it to me!)

9.     The Bible (my student version is covered in scribbles and highlights and folded down pages)

10. The script book for season 1 & 2 of The West Wing by Aaron Sorkin (I’ve read these scripts over and over and pattern my writing on them)

PREGNANT OR NOT, HERE WE COME staged reading

It happened! It really happened!

Tuesday night at 6:30pm I walked into the ACME comedy theater in Hollywood and they flipped the stage lights on. The actors gathered, the music stands were set up, the front of the house was opened and BAM! We put on a show!

It was an incredible night and I know I've gushed about it on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and here in my blog and to some of you poor souls in person but it was really, truly incredible.

For the first time ever I hear and saw actors perform a script I'd written. With a live audience. Like people who laughed and chuckled and applauded. I really still am in awe of the whole experience.

I've been writing scripts for over five years (and that's just the time I've been writing professionally, in Los Angeles - I was writing them for fun back home too!). Those 10,000 hours people talk about? Oh, I'm all over that. Literally. And to have these producers and these actors put their faith in my story, my words, in me? Wow. Just wow.

I started writing this script in the winter. Well, thinking about it. The real work came in the spring. A draft was done in June. Since then it's become a little different, a lot different, better, and something that is real. It's become characters and people and smiles and laughs and quiet moments of suspense (yes, it's a sitcom but still, there gotta be stakes!).

And all of this staged reading excitement came together in the last six weeks or so. And Sonora, Dasha, Angela and Devon have been amazing. They are the reason why instead of a nice tidy little 37-page script on my computer, this story got to be told, got to be shouted from a stage!

Everyone keeps asking me how I feel, how it felt to sit in the audience Tuesday night and I gotta say, I still can't quite describe it. I wasn't nervous until the lights went down and Josh the announcer came on in a booming voice and read the title of our script. Then I started shaking. It became real in that second. So real.

But as I sat back and tried not to turn around and watch for laughs or reactions from my friends, I watched Ashlie and Keith and Sonora and Jessica become my main characters. Leah was no longer the protagonist in my mind, she was this awesome girl who was really trying to get dressed, who was really laughing, who was really standing right there in front of me. It was incredible.

Sonora, Keith, Ashlie, Jessica, Claire, Devon and ME!

The end is a bit of a blur. People applauded, the cast took a bow and I ran back stage to thank them all. Then I ran back out to thank our audience. I didn't catch everyone because there were flowers to collect, photos to be taken, and lots of hugs but I am blown over by the people who took the time to come out on a Tuesday night and watch our little adventure.

The reaction was positive and I hope that everyone in the audience that night and everyone who gets to see it later on video enjoys the experience. That's all I ever want people to do when they read something I've written, enjoy themselves. Whether they laugh or cry or wonder or ponder or get mad or sad or happy, I want them to feel something, to experience a story. And I believe that's what happened Tuesday night.

We don't know what's next. There was debriefing yesterday, phone calls and emails, and there will be so much more of that. There will hopefully be some meetings and connections made and who knows, maybe a sale or a pilot or something even more exciting. I know that I've had positive feedback from some industry folks and I hope that continues. That's what we're all looking for, to expand our networks and our reach, to continue to tell our stories, play our parts and work with awesome people.

Speaking of awesome people, as the Ashlie left Tuesday night she told me we were not done working together and that she hoped she got to play Leah again soon. I love that. That, to me, is awesome praise.

So if you were there Tuesday night, or supported me from a far, thank you. If you know about this project, know the work that I put into it, thank you for taking this amazing journey with me. I can't wait to see where we go next!

A Staged Rehearsal

Angela Knapp, Keith Gerchak, Ashlie Atkinson & Sonora Chase

Sunday morning I woke up to a deadline. Final script pages due by noon. No more tinkering. No more changing. No more anything. A final read through with Angela and then a poke of the send button and it was done. Script finalized.

Until last night.

Last night we had our staged reading rehearsal. Tonight it will all unfold on the ACME Theater stage but last night it unfolded in a living room with numbered spots at a table, with Angela filling in for the reader of the stage directions. Last night was the first time I got to hear this cast read my words. And it was amazing.

It has been 1,898 days since I started studying screenwriting and pursuing this vocation full-time at UCLA. That's 5 years, 2 months, and 11 days. Ask anyone in my life, it's been a long time coming. And it's not even here yet. But it's begun.

Amazing. Simply amazing. To hear these actors, these people who get paid to do this, stand up in front of me and act out a story I wrote. To embody these characters I created from the ether.

Amazing.

There were only small changes. There were a few questions and a few laughs but mostly, there was work. There was intense focus on the part of all of the people in the room last night and that was pretty freaking cool.

When I wrote the lead of my story I didn't have an actress in mind. To me, she's just Leah. But last night, Ashlie brought Leah alive. She gave her an awesome voice and a beautiful face. When I wrote the lead's main foil, Trainer, I did have an actor in mind. Someone a little different than Keith. But last night Keith blew me away. He brought Trainer to life and made me laugh over and over. I love that. And Sonora, to pull all of this together and to be an amazing Chase? Have I used the word amazing too much? No. She was amazing.

In an hour and a half I will head off to the main event. We'll have a cast/crew dinner beforehand and then at 7:30 the show will go on! I am beyond excited. I can't wait to share this night with a theater full of people. I can't wait for what's next!

The One-Sheet and figuring it all out

In five days these four actors pictured above, plus a few others, will be sitting on a stage at the ACME Theater reading my script. Out loud. For an audience of about 100 people. Industry folks. Friends. Loved ones. Anyone we can pull off the street who wants to laugh for about 30 minutes. 

It's all coming together and it's been an amazing learning experience. This week the emails and phone calls have flown back and forth across the city. We've created a one-sheet (see the flyer above) to drum up interest and explain to people what we're doing. We've sent out hundreds of invitations and solidified the cast list. We've worked on staging and figured out the logline and tagline (just little summaries of what the show's about). We've fretted and fritted and all that good stuff. Basically, we're working. All of us.

And it's been exciting, and maybe a little nerve-wracking. But it's good. All so good. We're doing it. We're making it happen. And above all? Next Tuesday night as we hear the words "End of Show" read, we're going to celebrate. Celebrate a year's worth of passion and work and hope. Celebrate collaboration and storytelling and making something. We're going to celebrate. 

And yes, we're going to record it. So if you can't make it next week (and if you're in Los Angeles, I hope you can make it - let me know and I'll save you a seat!) make sure to attend the viewing party my mom is already planning in Michigan over Christmas. There will be cookies.

It's all about the presence

You know that old saying, when it rains it pours? Well, that was my yesterday. Work-related, personal stuff, house issues, Homeless Lunch. It poured. A lot. But you know what? That's okay. I have a nice balance in my life of craziness and quietness. I go through stretches of not leaving the house, of sitting alone at my desk, of not being terribly social. And then I go through December 2013. Quiet the opposite. But I love it. I really do. (Though Angela may have a different perspective, last night I might have had a meltdown over the ants in the cupboard and the broken pipe under the house not being fixed and the craziness and when she offered me half a bottle of wine, I might have taken her up on it and then watched three sitcoms in a row. I might have.)

But I wanted to reflect on some of the craziness in a particular way this morning. I want to remember that there's a purpose for the madness, a purpose far greater than me or anything I can know.

See, yesterday, I got to Homeless Lunch right on time. I walked in with my donations (I try to take something every week whether it's Ralph's bags or books off the shelf or a shirt I don't wear anymore, it's a great decluttering technique that provides something for people in need) and was immediately told Mark wanted to see me. By three different people. And then there were more donations coming in. And then the security guard came in to say a Homeless Guest wanted to talk to a pastor. And well, the regular 10am stuff had to be done too in order for us to be ready at 11am to open our doors. And wait a second, wasn't it the first Tuesday of the month? The first should always be quieter, less Guests as the checks have come in. But quietness was not around yesterday. Not at all.

Within moments Mark found me, and Linda, our "boss". He wanted to know if we'd write something up for a sermon he's preaching at the end of the month on presence. Not "presents" like the gifts we'll get on the 25th but "presence" like the idea of being there. The state of being present. He wants to include something about Homeless Lunch in his sermon. I love that. We agreed and moved on. Quickest meeting ever. Yay!

I unpacked bags, put clothing and shoes out on the tables, and helped load the lunch bag carts. And then I remembered the Guest who wanted to talk to the pastor. I found Dennis, our awesome security guard/Homeless Lunch helper, and told him to tell the Guest I wasn't a pastor but I'd like to pray with him. The man agreed and I headed outside the gates.

I introduced myself to Richard and we stood in the sun right there on the sidewalk in front of the church gates. I listened as he told me what was going on. His little sister, in her 40s (he's in his late 50s) had passed away the night before of an insulin reaction. She'd been living in a care home east of the city. His father had contacted him last night at a shelter he stays at regularly. I listened as he told me about visiting her a month ago, about how her kids don't visit her, about how the night before he cried and sang a song and remembered their last visit together. He told me how he'd only been out of prison a couple of years and it was hard to find a job without a car or permanent address or all of his teeth.

In about five minutes I learned a lot about Richard. I saw him cry, I teared up myself, and I asked him if I could pray with him. We prayed and I asked God to be with Richard and his family. To be with all of us that morning there at the church. He asked me after we prayed how God could let his sister die, his little sister who was a good person and just trying to survive. She took her medicine and prayed. I told him I didn't have any answers, I'm not sure anyone did. I told him my only solace was that this morning his sister was pain and disease free and that she was with God, smiling down on him and his family. I had no other words because frankly, I don't understand it myself.

I asked Richard if I could give him a hug and after we embraced I headed back inside the church. I sorted books and clothes and prepped for lunch. A few minutes went by and I was called back to the front gates. Richard was asking for me. He'd found the lyrics to the song he'd been singing the night before and wanted me to hear them. As I stood there, on the other side of the gate, leaning close to hear his soft sweet voice, I listened to the lyrics of B.J. Thomas' "You Gave Me Love".

The song is beautiful, it's a love letter to Jesus and Richard made me promise to Google it when I got home to hear it sung by a true professional. (I did immediately yesterday afternoon though Richard's voice was just as lovely.) As he finished singing, Richard smiled and said, "Sarah, today you gave me love" and he walked away, to the back of the lunch line.

I stood there for a moment then headed back to the kitchen. And it wasn't until last night when I was recounting the story to Angela that it hit me. Yes, Richard asked me for a bus token yesterday, as many guests often do. They don't have money and they're usually looking for some. But when I told him I didn't have one for him, he just continued on with his story. Telling me about his sister and how sad he was. Then when he came back to sing the song to me I realized that while he was asking for a bus token yesterday, what he was really looking for was someone to be present with him in that moment. He needed to share his grief and pain with someone. All he needed was for me to be present. I'm so grateful I could be.

I told Richard I hope to see him next week or next month, that I hope he checks back in with us and lets me know how he's doing. We see hundreds of people every month at Homeless Lunch and I don't remember a lot of names though I do remember every face. And it's taken me a while but I've realized they remember us as well. While the lunches and the socks and the occasional book or sweatshirt are important, what's just as important is the presence we have in each others lives. That point was made abundantly clear to me over and over during the busyness of yesterday.

Not only was Richard a blessing to me, I had three other encounters with Guests yesterday that made my heart sing. That reminded me of how important it is to be present in life and in the life of others. When I first got to Lunch yesterday I took a bottle of really heavy flower-scented lotion that I'd gotten for Angela but she didn't like and sought out one of my friends in line. He's an African American man who's always asking for lotion for his dry skin. I prefaced my lotion with the fact that it smells kinda-girly and if he didn't want it, my feelings would not be hurt. He laughed and told me he's secure in his manhood and liked how it smelled. He promised me my gift would be our little secret as he tucked the bottle into his backpack. I like that during my week, even though Homeless Lunch is only a Tuesday event, I am reminded of my friends there.

Then there was Michael. I've known Michael for five years now, since my first day at Homeless Lunch. He's been to church once with us and he's a regular at Lunch. He's funny and sweet and respectful, if loud. And Michael always asks about Angela and tells me he's going to sign up for college classes online, just like the ones I teach. Every week he gets new clothes and has them on before I leave for the day (sometimes before he leaves the Lunch area!). Michael's someone you might call a character. And yesterday, as he sat on the ground near me, tying his new-to-him shoes, he pulled this out of his backpack.

I have no idea where he got the card, it didn't have an envelope, but I do know he'd put some thought into it and written it out before he'd gotten to Lunch yesterday. I love how specific he was and how even on a day that wasn't a Tuesday, and there was no sack lunch from us, he'd thought of all of us and made a point of recording that. I really can't tell you how much I love that. That God has these concrete ways of reminding me how good He is and how good people really are. Of how much love there really is in the world. 

Finally, yesterday, I got a gift at Homeless Lunch. (Beyond all the love and God messages!) I'd been in the backroom looking for something specific for a Guest when I heard my name over and over again. I walked back to the Lunch area and came face to face with an older woman I recognized but hadn't seen in a while. She smiled broadly and held up a Macy's bag for me. "For you!" she announced. She also handed me a card about a Christmas Open House at another shelter in town and told me she hoped she'd see me there. She said the bag was full of donations for us but there was a cape-like sweater that she thought would be perfect for me, and I had first dibs she said. She smiled so much and kept tell me Merry Christmas and I was just blown away. She not only remembered my name but she wanted to give me a Christmas gift and here she was, in line for free lunch herself. I thanked her profusely, felt bad I didn't know her name but rationalized that I do wear a nametag and our Guests don't, and then took the bag inside to examine the contents.

This is the sweater. It's a bit big but it's really quite nice. And even though I left it at the church to donate to someone because I have several sweaters, I won't soon forget that she brought it to Lunch with me in mind.

I give credit to Mark for putting the idea of presence into my brain yesterday morning when asking me to write something about it. But I have to say, God did a pretty impressive job yesterday giving me some great memories to remind me of how important presence is. Just showing up is really all some people want from us. Just being a smiling face in the crowd. I know that when I don't make it to Lunch on Tuesdays, I'm not happy about it. I miss it. And I like that. I like knowing that the Guests at Lunch impact me maybe as much as I impact them, maybe even more.

Guest Blogger - Angela's Advent Devotion

Here is the devotion Angela wrote for the Hollywood UMC Advent Devotion Booklet: 

Isaiah 40:9-11

“He will feed his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms…”

When the holiday commercials start on television, the decorations line the aisles of the stores, and the songs are piped through the streets I think of family. The holidays to me are family. Shopping for the gift that will put a smile on a loved one’s face, baking a favorite family recipe, and sharing in the hugs of the season are my favorite things.

Spending time with our family is what makes the holidays special. Family comes in all shapes and sizes and is found in many places. God wanted us to be His family; he has called us to him. He feeds us and gathers us into his arms. He is love. In Jesus, God sent us the most precious gift we will ever receive.

This holiday season my family is smaller than it was last year. With the passing of three grandparents this past summer I know this year will be different. I know that there will be moments of sadness and wanting of years past. But I also know that God will gather me in his arms and feed my soul. Traditions will be passed on, new traditions will start, and the memories are forever mine.

This holiday season when you sit sown to share a meal or reach your arms out to welcome someone into your home be mindful of the moment you are in. Go as slowly as you can, stay longer than you might otherwise. Take the time to show God’s love to everyone you encounter. 

Dear God,

Thank you for our family near and far. Thank you for the memories we have and the ones to be made. Keep us gathered in your arms and allow us to keep you in our hearts. Amen.

My Advent Devotion

Here is the devotion I wrote for the Hollywood UMC Advent Devotion Booklet:

Isaiah 40:1-5

Isaiah chapter 40 starts out calmly with instructions from God, “Comfort, comfort my people.” This is a departure from the earlier part of Isaiah’s book which included many harsh warnings. Isaiah lived in a time of civil war, a time when people cared more about their appearances then the poor, when alcoholism and idolatry were rampant. I can’t help but think that’s a little like the time we live in. And I can’t help but think that God’s instructions to comfort His people apply just as much now as they did then.

This section of Isaiah goes on to remind us to raise up every valley and make every mountain and hill low, so that the glory of the Lord will be revealed. But are we really expected to clear the roads and straighten the paths for Jesus? Physically? Emotionally? How can we know just what to do and how can we do it in this society that encourages just the opposite?

Christmas is the perfect time, and the perfect excuse, to “prepare ye the way of the Lord”. It’s a time to breech the gap, to find peace, to reach out to people near and far. To “comfort, comfort my people”. I keep thinking about the three times this year when I found myself mourning family members, grieving alongside my mother, my father and my sister. I keep thinking about the comfort those around us provided. Hugs, kind words, a casserole, a spray of flowers, sitting down to watch a ball game in silence next to us. Something so little, something taken for granted most of the time, meant so much. It meant comfort. It meant someone was helping to prepare for the glory of God to be revealed. It meant love.

Prayer for today: Lord, help us in this time of preparation for the baby Jesus’ birth, to not only make the paths and valleys and mountains right but to comfort one another and love one another, just as you love us.

Grandma's Birthday

Today my Grandma MacDonald would have been 88 years old. She loved her birthday, celebrating, presents, all of it (maybe that's where I get my birthday month from!). We loved it too because it always fell around Thanksgiving (sometimes even on the holiday) and it meant everyone would be together for her day. There was always a cake, even if it was Thanksgiving Day, and there was always another celebration, usually putting up her Christmas tree with the whole family the day after Thanksgiving which she loved.

This morning I thought about her as I used her measuring cups to bake pumpkin bread. I thought about her as I ate my breakfast and drank my coffee (I wish I had liked coffee earlier in life so we could have shared a pot) and watched a hummingbird flitter around the cactus in my front yard. She loved hummingbirds. For a minute I sat there and watched and imagined it was her coming for a quick check on me.

She has been gone a couple of years now. Yet I still reach for the phone to call her. I still vividly remember her voice when I need comforting and see her smile when something good happens. I wish she were here today so I could call her and talk for an hour about nothing and everything. I miss that voice on the other end of the line more than she could ever know.

Today we gave my mom flowers to celebrate grandma's birthday. It's a hard day for everyone. But a happy day too. We are remembering her. We are. And that's what it is all about.

I love you Grandma. Happy Birthday.

Grandma and Mom on Grandma's last birthday

The Red Carpet

Last week I got an interesting phone call. It was one of our pastors from Hollywood UMC, asking if we had plans for Sunday. I chuckled and said, yep - spending the day with you at church. Worship, decorating the church for Christmas and then the Thanksgiving potluck. (We were in charge of 100 rolls.) But then he asked if we might be interested in a little adventure. Someone had bid on tickets to a Red Carpet experience at the American Music Awards (AMAs) that he was raffling off for a charity bike ride and that person (a really awesome person who we get to thank this weekend!) wanted the tickets to go to someone who might enjoy them, who could use a little cheering up. He thought of us he said because we'd had a rough year. I was speechless. Sometimes people amaze me in the best way. Really.

And because I'm constantly trying to find more ways to say YES! and because it sounded kinda cool even though before last week I wasn't really even aware the AMAs were coming up, we accepted the tickets. We coordinated with Reverend Dave and the nice Dick Clark Productions employee and before we knew it we were headed downtown. Free parking was just one perk! 

The AMAs take place at the Nokia Theater which is right next door to the Staples Center, which is just a few miles from our house. We had to be there at 1pm Sunday so we spent the morning getting all gussied up and off we went. High heels, body tape on the dresses, full makeup and hair and cocktail dresses (all requirements were were given, well, not the body tape!). There we found out that we knew a few others who'd be hanging on the Red Carpet with us -- friends from church. Side note: Was excited that it was going to be about 72 degrees and sunny Sunday afternoon. Forgot that sunny = sunburn. Yep, a nice little souvenir! But worth it! 

Once we got our credentials, which we had to wear to get onto the Red Carpet but had to take off once we were there, we headed out to the main stage. It was a hike but the fun part? Walking through a tunnel of about 15 LAPD officers. We all commented that we might need to walk that part again! 

Once we were on the Red Carpet we were literally on the stage. On yahoo.com apparently we could be seen dancing and clapping along to the performances. My parents kept reporting that they could see us (well enough for mom to spot that I was favoring my right foot - the one with the torn ligament!). We saw all of the performers up close and personal including Fifth Harmony, Jesse McCartney, Jabbawockeez, and Aloe Blacc. They were all really really good even though I hadn't heard of any of them before this week! (Though I had heard the Aloe Blacc single on the radio, I'm not totally uncool.)

Our only instructions were to enjoy the shows, clap when the performers were presented, and enjoy ourselves. We did just that. For about four hours we drank Coca Cola products (we were in the Coca Cola lounge after all), chatted with people all around us, snack on really fancy little appetizers, and enjoy the view. While the Red Carpet event and show started at 2pm PST, none of the stars showed up until about 4:20pm PST or even later. And the show started at 5pm PST which meant the Red Carpet was very busy for a little while. We saw lots of stars, some we even recognized! There was lots of "Who's that?" and "Is that...?" as well. 

Occasionally we were surprised to see so and so then we'd remember, oh, their show is on ABC or they have a movie coming out. It was interesting to see who actually walked the Red Carpet and who didn't (Taylor Swift, left, did, so did Lady Gaga but people like Justin Timberlake did not). And also, how quickly they walked down it. Some stopped for interviews but a lot of them just breezed right on by to the theater entrance.

As the show began and the Red Carpet cleared, we watched as they started taking down the stages and rolling up the carpet. We asked a very nice security guard if we could go down and snap some pictures and he let us through the velvet ropes. Then we headed back out the way we came, the long way, even longer in those heels by that point.

 

 Here we are on the actual Red Carpet. It was quite an adventure to be sure. I even networked a little (Women in Film unite!) and we got asked questions about the Red Carpet as we left and walked by people without credentials which was pretty cool. Some in our group headed inside to the actual awards show but we chose to head out instead. Angela had been nursing a head cold (still is!) and I seriously am not sure how I walked to the car with my shoes on (but I did!). I certainly could not have stood for three more hours in them. 

So. Quite the adventure! I'm not sure when I'll ever get to be on a Red Carpet again and it's not something I'd want to do every day but it was an amazingly fun experience. And to come home and see ourselves was pretty cool too. Check us out on the ABC preshow in the upper right hand corner!

We left the show, grabbed some takeout for dinner, and headed home where we peeled off the Spanx, washed off the mascara, and curled up on the couch to watch the rest of the show. I was excited Macklemore's album won (love love love "The Heist"!) and was totally unimpressed by some of the other performances (JT, really? I want pop-y dance moves next time) and glad to see some throwbacks (Nelly never fails to make me sing along!). All in all? Another Hollywood adventure for the books for sure!

Quick update - that fear? She's dead!

It's Friday at 2:30pm. You might remember I last blogged Wednesday at noon. On Wednesday I had a stack of notes and no idea what to do with them except dig in. So I did.

On both Thursday and Friday I spent countless hours glued to my chair, warming my hands on watered down tea, surrounded by sticky notes and legal pad pages and a pink highlighter that I used to put big Xs through every note I conquered. I spent hours focused on two pages on my screen at the same time.

One page had the old draft, old format, old everything. Old but still golden. The other page was blank, until it wasn't anymore. It's where I took what I had and cut it and shaped it and reworked it and molded it into something new. Something I love so much more.

The notes weren't as scary as I'd imagined (even though I already knew what they were I was scared to read them again). They were precise. They were exactly what I needed. Page 4 needs a joke. Okay. Got that. And guess what? I came up with one. And then a better one. Come to find out, I needed that fear. I needed that motivation to get through it all.

What exactly did I do? For one thing, I addressed every question that arose from all of the consultants. I wanted nothing to be confusing or unclear or murky in the slightest. I wanted more laughs and one way I realized I needed to do that was to tell, not always show. In screenwriting I was taught "show don't tell". That works well for film. That works well for people who will be watching your story in a dark room on a giant screen. But for TV? When there are couches and screens, so many screens, and food and kids and knocks on the door and distractions galore? I need to tell more than show. So I worked to find a balance between both. A balance in the story and in my telling of it.

Another thing I did was focus more on the funny. I had the story down. I knew who the characters were but it was important for everyone to see that. And to laugh while doing it. Only time will tell if we got there.

Also? I cut the script by 11 pages. That's huge. And I didn't cut a single scene. I combined and rewrote and tightened. And I may do more of that. But the script is tighter and flows more quickly which will be good for the staged reading.

Speaking of...

The script went out to four agents today! Four agents of four actors handpicked for the roles. We'll know next week if they're available and interested but this is so exciting! We have a theater and soon we'll have a cast! Love it!

The notes and the fear and the reality

It's approximately noon on Wednesday, November 20th. In less than three weeks, just 19 days from now, something kinda cool is happening. The theater has been booked. There are marketing materials and posters being created. There is planning and organizing and...well, a lot is happening. And yet?

I sit here. Behind my desk. Scared to death.

It's true. On Tuesday, December 10th, there will be a staged reading of my sitcom pilot on stage at a real theater I've been to before. This is exciting! Yes! Exciting! But also...

Terrifying.

I'm not sure if this is how professional athletes feel before a big try out or actors before a big audition or doctors before taking their boards or anything like that. But for me? I'm scared. And I guess that's good because nothing can motivate the fear out of me more than a deadline. Especially such a specific one.

And I'm trying hard not to be scared but I'm not sure if I need to. I've been working really hard for a long time to get to this point, which really, frankly, isn't even that much of a point really (I cannot imagine the terror that will set in my first day in a writer's room on staff). And I think it's okay if I'm scared. I think it means it's real. And this is real. This is so real that the picture above is just a small sampling of the notes I received yesterday and last month from several writing consultants who've been paid to help me write a better script.

Yep, that's four pages of single spaced, page specific, notes. And not the kind that say, aww, cute! Or haha, funny! Nope, the kind that say, you need more verbal jokes on page one and who orders vermouth neat? The kind that are really, really, really good notes but are all notes, all of them, that need to be addressed. In the next 19 days. By me. Just me.

A few weeks ago when we were in the midst of figuring out this reading Sonora, the wonderful and lovely producer, called me up and said, I'm going to send your script to so and so, she's a joke doctor (or a comedy consultant or whatever they're called today). On the outside I was all, awesome, cool, we've talked about adding more funny. Who doesn't want more funny? Awesome, cool.

But on the inside?

As I pressed the end call button on my phone, tears welled up in my eyes. Maybe I'm not as funny as I think. Maybe I can't do this. Maybe a million things. Terror. Fear. Heartbreak.

But then? Then I sat back and thought about it. (The tears never actually fell it took that long to change directions in my mind.) Sonora wants to pay someone to help me be better? That really is awesome. No one else's name will be on the script. It's mine. I created it. For better or worse. And people are out there, people as in plural, who want to see me succeed, want this script to get bought or made or optioned or whatever. And that's cool. Very cool.

So I took a moment and continued on with my job. The only thing I can control. The words on the page. And then? Flashforward to today.

The notes. The pages and pages of notes. The big notes. The small notes. The really good notes. The frustrating notes. (Why can't people read my brain?!?!) The notes.

I've been thinking about them since my meeting ended at one-thirty yesterday. They sit there, on my desk, staring at me. Yesterday I had to come home, log into school for a while, then go to a fundraiser with Angela, then hit the grocery store, make muffins and honestly, I didn't make it through New Girl last night. I was sound asleep before 10pm. So the notes sat alone.

Then this morning? I had to exercise. I had to talk to my mom. I had to cook chicken for dinner and answer the door when the mail lady threw a package against it. I had to Instagram a picture I took last night and check Twitter and read a few bookmarked articles. I had to finish the last chapter of the novel I was reading and oh yeah, grade a stack of papers my students turned in.

Did I have to do all of that? Hell no.

Do I wish there was more on my to-do list to take up my time this afternoon? Hell yes.

But alas, there's not. It's just me and the notes and the screen.

Cut pages.

Add jokes.

Clarify.

Sharpen.

Add more.

There's nothing to it. Right? Right? Right. Here goes nothing...

Tea Time

Since the day I moved to Los Angeles I've been aware that I need to network. To figure out this town, this industry, this life. I've been aware that I have to meet people who are people, or who know people, who want to work with me. That like my work and who need my skills. It's such an odd and different perspective on working than I ever had before I moved here.

So, for the past five years, I've been working on it. Networking. In grad school at UCLA it was taking time to go out to the bar after class at 11pm when I would much rather have gone home to bed. Then it became keeping up with the people I graduated with. Social media, Facebook, Twitter, blogs, emails, it's time consuming. I started a writing group to network with like minded writers. I went to social events and screenings and panels and did it all as much as I could. I struck up conversations with people in line or next to me. I exchanged cards and responded to Linked In requests even though I still don't really see the point of Linked In. I met for coffee and exchanged scripts and gave detailed notes and sometimes, got notes back. Sometimes. And never detailed.

And so, for the last year or so, I've been trying to rethink my strategies. I've been working to network more efficiently, more effectively. And, it's finally paying off. And I've realized, it's a lot more enjoyable.

I've figured out, for me, that it's more about the quality of the networking than the quantity. If I spend three hours at a mixer and come away with two cards of people who've maybe written something or are wanting to write, that does me no good. But if I spend an hour having coffee with an old acquaintance, and we leave having had a wonderful conversation and agreeing to work together, I call it a win. And recently, I've been trying to do much more coffee and much less mixing. (Also, coffee is way cheaper than crappy drinks and I'll gladly buy tons of coffee to sit and actually hear the conversation rather than try to teeter on heels, straining to hear snippets of talk.) Also, I'm not saying that I won't keep going to mixers or panels or screenings but only if I want to. Not because I think they'll help me find the keys to the city.

Flashforward to this weekend. To Saturday. To the morning I spent having coffee and tea with a friend from film school. We'd kept up since graduating but it was becoming harder and harder to carve out in person time. Facebook and Twitter kept us abreast of jobs and families and relationships but it's never the same. So we plopped down Saturday morning to catch up. And it was lovely. And comfortable. And enlightening. And such a wonderful friendship experience with a sweet side of networking. I love that.

Then Saturday afternoon I put on my best "fussy" outfit (that's what the invitation called for, fussy attire -- I wore bright colors, big dangling earrings and high heels) and headed out to another friends Women in Entertainment Tea Party.

I wasn't sure what to expect but my expectations were blown out of the water just the same. Over the course of four hours I had fascinating conversations, met women from all facets of the entertainment industry, laughed, told stories, listened, ate really good food, drank tea, exchanged contact information, and ended the evening with a teacup full of really good champagne. I mean, seriously, you can't ask for a better day.

And the best part? I didn't just "network" like people in Hollywood keep telling us to do. I met people. Real live people, women, with jobs and dreams and interesting stories. I made connections. Not just business connections but life connections over topics as diverse as neighborhoods, musical tastes, daily work trials, teaching, comedy, even neighborhood watch clubs!

Also? I made friends. I didn't just exchange cards with people who might or might never acknowledge me again. By the time I got home Saturday night I had several friend requests, new Twitter followers, and last night, one of the women I met emailed me a draft of a skit. This is real people. This isn't lip service.

This is women coming together and being intent on making relationships and helping one another and being awesome, together. This is lifting each other up and celebrating accomplishments and sharing stories. This is awesome. This is what I've been looking for since I got to L.A.!

How many of these new friendships will continue? I can't predict the future. But I do know that there are women out there who are looking for the same thing as me -- a different way to make it in this town, in this industry, in this life. Frankly, just in life in general. And I love that we've started to find one another. Because, really, in life, when you find your people, your community, that's half the battle.

The Surprise 40th Party

For much of last winter and spring Angela and I worked on a project. That project? Throwing my mom and dad a surprise 40th anniversary party in June. It was quite the undertaking. First, we had to

make sure that it stayed a surprise because my parents are very anti-anything that puts the focus too much on them. This isn't a bad thing it's just how things are. They don't want big celebrations for birthdays or retirements. (I guess I got all the non-humble genes in the family, i.e. birthday month, et al.)

Second, we had to coordinate with field operatives on the ground in Michigan because we wouldn't be back in Howell until shortly before the party in June. So when we started planning back in January, we enlisted the help of some wonderful friends and family members. We had Susie sneak over and raid their Christmas card book for addresses. We had Julia gather decorations. We shipped hundreds of mason jars to Susie's house. We ordered mason jar cookie cutters and sent them to Marie. We put Doris in Canada in charge of the cake and so on and so forth. It was quite the six months.

Angela and I wanted to do this for our parents for several reasons. One, they have been married 40 years. That's something awesome to celebrate. Two, they do so much for all of us. And I do mean all of us. Family and friends and daughters alike. We wanted to celebrate them, the people they are and the large extended family they've created during their lifetime together. And third, who doesn't like a big old party? Exactly!

We settled on a theme:

Having a Ball since 1973 (hence the mason jars, Ball jars to be exact) and set to work. And next thing we knew we had over 100 people set to join us and countless people volunteering to help, make food, decorate, donate time and money to the endeavor. Their wedding anniversary is technically June 2nd but Angela and I wouldn't be there then. So we settled on June 29th.

The two weeks leading up to the party when Angela and I were in Michigan were busy. Harried. Crazy. We had to organize and prepare for this party. This 100+ guest party without letting my parents in on the secret. There were lots of fibs and little white lies. Lots of secret trips to Target and "sightseeing" that never took place. Instead we were coordinating with caterers, ordering drinks, hanging decorations, et cetera et cetera.

So did it work?

Yes!

We ended up surprising them. They thought they were meeting Angela, Jeff, Julia and I at Jeff and Julia's house to go to a play about Ernie Harwell in Detroit. (And yes, we eventually did get to see the play!) The rain that threatened held off and as they pulled into the driveway, this is what they saw:

Family and friends from near and far waiting just for them. To celebrate them. And from the looks on their faces, I think they were surprised. And a little overwhelmed.


Did the day go perfectly? No. There were too many baked beans. We didn't get as many photographs as I'd have liked. We never did turn on the music. But overall? I think it was a smashing success. Mostly because my parents enjoyed the day. They talked with friends and family they see every day and those they rarely see (Noelle, Angela's and my college roommate came in from Chicago and my parents hadn't seen her in over eight years - that was awesome).

But we did it. We pulled off a surprise party for my parents. We celebrated their 40 years of marriage and family. We celebrated them. And we had an awesome time doing it. Here's to the next 40 years, Mom and Dad!

(NOTE: Yes, this blog post is a little late. Over four months late. I kept meaning to write it right after the party but life kept jumping in the way. In Michigan there's always something more interesting to do than sit behind the laptop. There are bonfires and baseball games and grandneighbors next door and people to hang out with. But also? Five days after the party, the party both my Grandpa and Grandma Boutell were able to come to, my Grandpa went into the hospital and a few short weeks later we buried him. Just over a month later we buried my Grandma. So, the blog was not top on my list of priorities. But, I wanted to get some of it down, some of the memories on the page, as I always do. So, here it is. Better late than never!)

Progress, slow sweet progress

It was almost a year ago when Sonora asked to see my portfolio of scripts. It was back in April when I started writing the script. It was June when I sent her the first draft. It was September when we had our first table read. And now? Now it's November. But soon it will be December.

And in December it looks like we'll have a staged reading.

Yep. Another table read. But a little different this time. Okay, a lot different.

September was awesome. We had actors and friends sitting around Sonora's big dining room table she bought just for that night. We had champagne and good food and conversation. We had a reading. Scripts in hand, laughs produced, smiles brightened. It was awesome.

But over the last two weeks things have been happening. I've been rewriting, yes, I'm always rewriting. But we've also added another producer to the mix, involved Sonora's lovely wife Dasha and my lovely sister Angela, and we're a team. We're a team who've met each Sunday to brainstorm and plan and move forward with this. And it's exciting.

Again, I don't want to make major announcements here. Yet. We're still in the planning stages. We're calling theaters and contacts and friends. We're trying to get people to commit to reading the parts (all new cast members except Sonora) who have some name recognition. Like people you may have heard of. Like really exciting people. We're trying to get people to get people who have connections or deals or contacts at studios to come listen (again, some people you may have heard of or at least heard of their projects). And when I say we? I really mean Sonora and Devon (our new producing partner! yay!). Because my job is still to sit here, at the keyboard, and make the script better. Each and every day.

It's an interesting process. I know the script will change a million different ways in the future if this project continues. I know I may or may not be a part of that. I'm okay with that. But for right now? It's all mine. It's all me. And that's terrifying. And exhilarating.

I'm not changing huge chunks of the script. I'm finessing things. I'm making things funnier, better I hope. Because that's what rewriting is all about.

So...things are moving forward. And it's exciting. People believe in this project, in me. And I can't tell you what that means to me. After all these years, after all these hours alone here in front of this screen. It's amazing. It's amazing to sit in a room with people and talk about theaters and blow dryers (you'll see, I'm funny!) and talent (i.e., the cast) and Hollywood people. It's truly amazing.

But for now? For now I have to open up the file on my computer again and get back to work. Because without pages, there's nothing to read...

October is over

That's right, the month of me, the month of my birth, is over. And, part of it was all about me as I wanted it to be. Part of it wasn't. (See going home to Michigan for my grandmother's funeral, see working as a freelance editor and being at the mercy of others schedules and needs, see dealing with college students, see a nice little recurrence of vertigo).

But...I did really focus on doing things for myself. I was conscious about what I ate, what I drank (I was very conscious of having to buy a new bottle of tequila last week because the last one was empty), and what I did. I moved more. I walked almost every day. I did my squat and plank challenges. Yesterday I did 200 squats. In a row. I have never done that before. It wasn't easy, but it certainly wasn't impossible. And I'm going to do it again this month! I also held a plank for about 2.5 minutes. Not the 5 the challenge said I should be able to hold at this point but it's a lot longer than I could hold a plank on October first (about 10 seconds).

Will I keep going in November? Yes. Though baseball is over (damn Red Sox), the leaves are crispy and falling (even here in Los Angeles), and the mornings and nights are much cooler, the sun still shines and every day is still another day I'm alive. A day to work, to write, to move, to laugh, to love.

I'm going to do an ab challenge, the same squat challenge, and my walking challenge this month. I'm going to look forward to some time with friends and time alone, at my desk or with a good book (Detroit True Crime anyone?). I'm going to look forward to Christmas and going home in just a few weeks. I'm going to remember that even though October is over, I can still focus on me. And that's an okay thing to do. 

My Rebel

I am obsessed with taking pictures. If you know me, you know this. And more than likely, you've been subject to my shutterbugness. I have several cameras of my own, 35mms that use film, a couple of digital cameras that don't, and an iPhone that does a pretty amazing job for a phone. I love love love taking pictures.

And, just as with anything I love doing, I want to be come better at it. I want to be a better writer, I want to be a better cook, I want to be better at everything, including photography. And part of that requires having better equipment. So, for my birthday, my awesome parents and Angela got me a new camera. My first DSLR camera. A Canon Rebel T3.

All my life I've dreamed of having a real professional camera, one with a big lens you could change and move. Seriously, I've wanted one since I can remember. But cameras are expensive and when you're not a photojournalist, unnecessary. So I made do. But next year Angela and I are going to Europe. And I want to take pictures. So many pictures. Amazing pictures. And not just with my phone. And did I mention my parents are awesome? Cause they are.

And the camera came with something cool, a three-hour class on beginning photography led by a Canon employee. So off Angela and went on Sunday (yes, I made her go because the camera is overwhelming and we both need to learn because I'd like a photo or two of me while in Europe - I mean it took me an hour to get the strap on the thing!) to the camera class. There were about 20 people there and it was awesome. The teacher went through all of the features on our cameras, had us put them on the best settings and then taught us things about F-stops and exposure and raw files and how to get the camera to take really amazing photos. I can't wait to go back and take another class!

So far we've only taken photos of the trees in our yard and each other but over the Thanksgiving break we're going to go on some adventures to practice. I'm so excited. And watch out, if you get any where near me in the next few months you might become my next subject!

Outer Space, or a Field Trip with Sixth Graders!

Two weeks ago today I was just stepping off a school bus. Now, as a former middle school teacher and as someone who lives with a middle school teacher, I've ridden my share of buses since I graduated from public school. They're big, they're yellow, they're bumpy, they're still smelly (especially when filled with sixth grade boys) and they're all driven by people who are not paid enough money to do what they do.

I was stepping off a school bus because six hours prior I had stepped onto one and been driven to the California Science Center along with Angela, another sixth grade teacher, a counselor at their school, several moms and one other sister, and 79 sixth graders. It was Angela's first field trip (our team golf outings never counted in Yuma because there were only a handful of kids and they always met us at the course and got picked up) and, due to her planning and hard work, it was awesome.

At the Science Center we toured the space shuttle Endeavor, the exhibits, ate lunch, listened to a real live astronaut speak about being up in Endeavor, and of course, raided the gift shop. All 90 plus of us. And it went smoothly and with only minor incidents. (The group with a mother attached wasn't lost really, they were just still absorbed in the hurricane simulator while we were looking for them so we could leave!)

I didn't have my own group of kids, I was Angela's chaperon. My job was to be her second set of eyes and ears, to hike back to the bus and schlep all the lunches to the grassy area where the kids could eat, to keep an eye on chaperons who seemed nervous or weren't used to watching out for so many kids at once, and to make sure we all got back on the bus. A lot of counting was involved. Luckily we had a really cool bus driver who was also really good at counting. (Seriously, if you've never been a chaperon you have no idea the counting you do. You do not want to be the adult who loses a child. All it takes is one to ruin the whole day.)

Here are some things I observed/learned/overheard on our day together:

• Sixth grade boys, on a whole, don't throw the ball to girls during silent ball. But those who do? (And there was one who did that morning...) Very, very smart.
• Also? Silent ball is not very silent in sixth grade. 
• Also? Did you know you can change the rules to silent ball mid-game? Apparently you can. We almost had a Lord of the Flies situation. I was ready to bolt. Every man for himself, right? 
• On the bus I sat next to two young men who were having a very serious conversation about how Eminem (yes, the rapper who I figured was too old school for them, I mean really, who is introducing these kids to Eminem because it's not Ryan Seacrest) is so bad because he's short. (For the record, according to Google, Eminem is 5'8" - I would have pegged him a little taller but then again, I'm a fan. Unlike a certain group of Los Angeles middle schoolers.)
•  At one point, midway through our exploration of the Endeavor exhibit, our group acquired an elderly man in a blue shirt. He seemed harmless, enjoyed looking over everything, and seemed oblivious to the fact that he was surrounded by screeching preteens. I figured he couldn't hear us. And I was glad we'd packed the extra school lunches no one would claim back at the school.
• Fake fart contests are a popular way to spend a bus ride.
• More than one kid didn't believe me when I tried telling her that what we were looking at was the real space shuttle. That had been up in space. 
  

They were incredulous. They were blown away. And frankly? That's what made the whole crazy day worth it. The fact that they got to see something that had been up in space. That they got to touch something that had been up in space. That they got to dream, for a few hours, about what it might be like to be up in space. How cool is that?

For me science class was never very interesting. I still don't know the different levels of the earth or why protons and neutrons and electrons are important. But I love learning about things like space and flight and zero gravity. I sat transfixed during the videos they showed that day, wondering myself what it might be like to be in one of those suits, up there looking down on everything.

And I love that there are teachers like Angela who spend their own time and some of their own money to take their kids on field trips like this one. I love that. I can't wait for the next one!