A book in a weekend - that good!

One of my favorite features of Amazon, and my Kindle, is that I can send first chapters of books to it for free. Right now? I have over 100 first chapters waiting there for me. Will I read most of these books? Probably not. But I do like looking them over from time to time, finding something interesting I'd heard or read about, and rediscovering it. Occasionally I buy the book, and more often than not, I delete the first chapter. It's kind of like browsing in the bookstore but I get to do it in bed or on the couch.

This weekend I had had enough of the week. The news, the bombings, Angela being sick and me being able to do nothing about it, query letters sent back unopened, et cetera. So as I laid in bed Thursday night I flicked on the Kindle and noticed a first chapter I had sent just a few days earlier: Nia Vardalos's Instant Mom. I'd heard about the book first on Twitter, where several of my favorite writers lauded the memoir of Vardalos' experience making it in Hollywood and adopting a little girl. I was intrigued. I loved My Big Fat Greek Wedding (yes, there's a DVD copy on my shelf) and the fact that she was nominated for an Academy Award for writing the screenplay. Love that.

So Thursday night I started reading that first chapter of Instant Mom and couldn't stop. Then I got upset because I didn't have enough money in my Amazon account to buy the whole book. (Yes, I know you can link a credit card to the account and no, I don't want to. I use gift cards only. Even if I have to buy them myself which I did on Friday.)

So Friday night I started reading again. And I read for two and a half hours. I read until my eyes were red and blurry and I could barely keep them open. And then Saturday? I finished the book. But I didn't just read the book. I felt the book. I sobbed opening for about 45 minutes Saturday as I read of her getting her daughter and learning how to take care of her (which sounds excruciating and exciting and wonderful all at once). I grinned as I read about her daughter finally choosing her own name and deciding that she was home to stay. And when I finished the book I thought about how open and honest and interesting the story had been. (And just a little bit about how much I want to work with Vardalos.)

Is it a book about adoption? Yes. Is it a book about Hollywood? Yes. Is it a book about perseverance and patience? God yes.

I often think about how my family and friends see me. What they think of me and how they must shake their heads in confusion at my choices and life. I was never the traditional Midwestern girl I saw all around me growing up. I didn't marry right out of college or have a baby right out of high school. I went to grad school and then grad school again. I took jobs, sometimes three or four at a time, that didn't pay well (or sometimes at all) because I loved the experiences. I loved teaching and writing and having time to explore life.

Do I regret some of my choices? I don't know. If I did, it would mean I wasn't a happy person, and I didn't believe I was exactly where I am supposed to be this very minute. If I did, it would mean I regretted so much more than just those choices, that I regretted the outcomes and the consequences.

As I read Vardalos' story I kept thinking about my own life and how much I want things other people have. How much I want a loving caring husband, like she has. How much I want children and a career and well, just everything. But then I realize how much she had to struggle to get there. How much we all have to struggle to get here or there or wherever we are. And as I wiped the tears, oh, they were such happy tears for her and her family, I felt peace. As I closed the book (powered down), I said a prayer for her family and for my own. For where she started and went, I will take a cue and follow. I will forge my own way, my own path, my own life. And it will be amazing. Just like hers.

UPDATE: I tweeted a link to my blog Monday morning. I included Vardalos' twitter handle in my message so she'd see my tweet. This is the response she tweeted back:

"We're even, you made me cry too. RT @sarahlknapp how much I freakin' loved #InstantMom. LOVED. #myblog" -- and she linked to my blog.

Love that!