Where to start...

I have no idea where to start. I have been meaning to blog for some time now. I'm a regular blogger. I need it. I like it. I think in terms of blogs and tweets and Facebook posts and scripts. I'm a writer. I write.

But I also have a life. A life away from the keyboard. And lately? That life has taken a turn.

I'm not sure where to start...and so, I guess I'll start at the beginning.

When I logged into my blog just now I was shocked to realize I hadn't written since June 17th. It's now August 7th. I seriously had to refresh my Internet browser to see if I had missed a post or two. But no, I had not. But it's okay. I'm back now.

See, when I'm in Michigan I know I won't blog much. In fact, I kind of make myself step away from it. I try to spend as much time away from my computer as possible. It was made more difficult this summer because of work (which I'm grateful for - yay UoP!) but the rest of the time? I try to avoid the screen because so much of my time is spent behind it the rest of the year. And I was successful. I'll blog some makeup posts later about my month on hiatus. But for now? My month turned longer.

Angela and I came back to L.A. as scheduled but then five days later turned around and flew back for the funeral of my grandfather. We ended up staying a few extra days to spend time with our family and because, well, it's summer and why not? Campfires and baseball games and lunches with grandma are so much better than long days behind the computer. We got back last Saturday night/Sunday morning. Refreshed and ready to go.

Angela and I celebrated Monday with a trip to the movies in the afternoon. A really good movie I'd been looking forward to by two of my favorite screenwriters/actors. We laughed and laughed and enjoyed the heck out of it. And then we looked at our phones. Many many missed texts and phone calls and voicemails and I before I knew it I was running out of the theater into the sun and crying trying to dial my phone.

Grandma had a heart attack. Exactly one week to the day after we buried her husband of 59 years. A massive heart attack that required surgery and intensive care and all of a sudden words like Do Not Resuscitate and pallbearers and hospice were in the air. And I couldn't breathe. I just couldn't.

For the next few days I walked around in a fog. Looking to all the world like everything was okay while inside knowing nothing was. To add to the mystery of life? The very next day we got word that my only other living grandparent, my dad's stepmother, was being put in hospice care for an untreatable UTI. There were just no words...

It's hard being so far from home most of the time. Phones and texts and emails are great. I love living here in the land of movies and television. I love writing and all that goes with it. But it's hard. It's hard missing my family and friends and being so far away from the place that feels so comfortable. But right now? It's excruciating.

I know there's absolutely nothing I can do in Michigan right now. I know that. But it doesn't make it any easier. And we've decided to not go back to see grandma in hospice, just as we didn't go back to see grandpa. I'm choosing to remember grandma as I saw her Friday morning, walking me to her front door and hugging me goodbye after a morning of donuts and stories and laughter and love. I'm choosing to keep that week in my soul rather than what might be now.

And so here we are. Waiting. Still slightly unfocused. Still tentative in making plans for more than a day out and checking the Delta website for the next flight. Still wondering when the other shoe will drop. But...

I'm getting by. Hopeful and prayerful and enjoying the sunshine and fresh air and trying to drink more water and eat less bread. There will be time next week for more. There will always be time for more. But for right now? I can only start at the beginning.