Sara House

One of the first pictures of Sara & I

I put it off all day. Actually, I've put it off a lot longer than that. I'm really good at procrastinating. And then today I decided I wasn't going to do it. 

I just wasn't going to write about Sara. 

See, if I don't think about it, it might not be true. If I look at the photos on my phone in the Sara House folder, it's like she's right here. We were just together this summer in Michigan. We were together in Kalamazoo last summer. And the summer before that. Our last planned FaceTime is still on the calendar. 

But God's funny. And so as I was procrastinating, checking Facebook, a memory popped up. Of a blog I wrote 9 years ago today. A blog I wrote after Mom #2 passed away. A blog I wrote after a long fall of grief following a year where we'd lost three of our grandparents. Here's what I wrote: 

The grieving doesn't stop. The celebrating doesn't stop. There are still texts and lunch dates and the goings-on of the every day. And yet? The grieving doesn't stop. I know all too well from my short time on this earth that it never does. And so? We can't stop either. To live with that grief every day is to live. To love. To know that I was loved in return. And so I'll do that today. And tomorrow. Through smiles and through tears. I won't stop.

And that's when I realized I couldn't put it off anymore. I couldn't pretend not to grieve. I couldn't pretend not to be heartbroken. I couldn't pretend to not feel my throat get tight by the mere thought of Sara's funeral tomorrow. 

I met Sara House in Kalamazoo, Michigan. We met at church. It was a new kind of church start, Methodist, both of us born and bred, but it was in a theater, downtown. We did cool things like pray at stations and make crafts during worship and we sang a lot. We were both on the organizing committee, I don't know exactly what that meant. We were there early to set up and stayed to tear down and often went out to eat after as church was on Sunday nights. It was probably Sara who roped me into joining that committee, which was basically a social group. And as someone who'd recently finished grad school and was living alone for the first time ever, I appreciated having new friends. 

There wasn't really a get to know you period with Sara. I remember instantly hanging out at her house, going to the movies together, talking as if we'd known one another our whole lives. She was just that friend. We all know that one. That one person who's friends with EVERYONE. And I loved that about her. She was close with her family. She liked to make things. (She taught me how to make stained glass in her basement!) She was a teacher. We clicked. And her friends became mine and mine became hers. My circle got bigger, all thanks to her.

We kept in touch as she moved up the ranks of her district, becoming an amazing boss, helping the kids who needed it the most and as Angela and I moved around the country. We made a point to travel to see one another when we were in the same state. We were each others cheerleaders. And in 2020, we became lifelines. She initiated them, our regular FaceTimes. We'd talk about nothing and everything and sometimes about cancer. Sara was sick but that wasn't the most important thing in our conversations. 

I'm still not sure how to process what's happened. She's still supposed to be here with her big smile and her goofy sense of humor and her hugs and the way she'd yell my last name and laugh. She's still supposed to be in her little house in Kalamazoo, planning her next trip, excited for whatever we were doing, and recommending her favorite books to me. She's still supposed to be here. 

But she's not. 

My circle is smaller now.

And yet...it's not. Because of Sara I have all my memories. I have other people who loved her too who also love me. And I'm going to hold on to that. Today. Tomorrow. And forever. 

Sara House, you made my circle BIG. 

And you'll always be right there in it. I miss you, friend. I have been grieving you for months now. And I know it won't ever stop. I grieve you through tears and I grieve you through smiles. But mostly smiles. Love you, girl. 

The last picture of all of us, from this summer

Remembering Richard

I like to remember things and I get frustrated when I can't. That's why I journal, every night now for almost 25 years. It's why I blog, it's why I write. It's why I keep cards and mementos and things long past their usefulness. Objects and words evoke memories for me, as they do for most of us. And it's why I take pictures. I love taking pictures. Pictures transport us. They remind us. They stir us. They make us smile and make us cry and make us happy and make us remember. They transport us. 

But recently I've been trying to remember a particular day and I cannot. It's possible it's written down in a journal somewhere but I'm not sure it was. I don't have a picture of it either. Because so often, we don't know that a day will be important or noteworthy. The day I've been trying to remember is the day I met Richard Settle.

When Angela and I found our way to Hollywood United Methodist Church fifteen years ago, we never dreamed how so many of the members would impact our lives. How some would become family. How some would drift off after intense periods of friendship. How others would hurt us or love us or show us Jesus in so many ways. We rarely realize the impact people have on us as it's happening. And it was that way when we met Richard.

I imagine we met him that first day at HUMC because that was his way. For years he was the first person we'd be greeted by when we made our way to our seats in the sanctuary. (Us always halfway down on the left, him closer to the windows on the right.) He'd watch all who came in and he'd often be standing there, ready for a hello and a hug before we even set our purses down. He always asked about Mom and Dad, always wanted to know about school and work, and then he was off. To make someone else's morning brighter or to snap a picture. Or many pictures. Because Richard was the one who helped us remember. Through his love and through his photographs. (Side note: because it's who he was, one day Richard showed up at HUMC with a tripod that he said might have been older than me. It was in perfect working condition, still in its original box, and he wanted me to have it. I'd gotten a new camera and had been taking some photography classes and he insisted it would be good to have a tripod in my tool box. It was, it still is. I used it first to take photos at our Hollywood United Women of Faith Christmas party, turning the tree in the corner of the room into a little photo shoot area, and having such fun with our community of women that night! His thoughtful gift turned into so much more...) 

He was rarely without a camera around his neck or at his side. He was our community's collector of memories. It's what he did for a living and what he did for us. I have dozens of photos of myself taken by Richard. Too many to count. He was always there to snap a holiday pic or an important moment. He was so thoughtful in that way. Good photography requires a good eye, a strong sense of the moment, and a thoughtful consideration of the subject. And Richard was always so thoughtful, in his photographs and in his life. 

I do have four photos, yes, just four, of Richard that I or others took. The first is from a picnic we had at Sean and Lu's apartment building. It was a wonderful day full of sun and food and friends and games and laughter. I mostly remember getting terribly sunburned but also remember Richard taking over at one point and capturing smiling pictures of so many of us. But I'm so glad I snapped this picture of him. And I'm so glad to have this afternoon to look back on, of all of us, a community for sure.

Matt & Richard

The second picture is just a regular old Saturday game night. Lu was teaching us to play mahjong. Richard always had stories and tales to share and this night was no different. Sometimes it's those nights that add up that matter just as much...

Sarah, Angela, Sean, Monica & Richard (Lu behind the camera)

The third picture is one I'll treasure always because it's Richard doing what he was always doing, capturing the moments. To help us remember. 

Richard taking photos of a Halloween event at HUMC where Angela, Laura and I were playing games with some kiddos (credit unknown)

Finally, I have a picture of Richard, Angela and I serving communion at HUMC, something we did regularly. 

Angela, Sarah & Richard serving, others assisting and partaking (credit unknown)

This picture reminds me so much of who Richard was, and what his life stood for in my eyes: service. Service to his country, he was a proud Navy veteran. Service to his community, he worked in the entertainment industry, and in local politics, documenting events and history over decades. And service to his family, his church, and his faith. He's the person who took us on a tour of the HUMC Bell Tower when we first arrived and shared so much of the building and community's history with us. He's the person who greeted us without fail every single week. He served communion and documented baptisms and so many celebrations. And I'm not sure I ever got to thank him for that. For any of that. It was always a given that Richard would be there, snapping pictures, sharing a smile or a hug. But as too often happens, people leave us. And back in July, Richard did just that. 

As the church and community prepares to honor him this weekend, I pray he's up there taking photos of all who went before him and all who'll follow him someday, reveling in the wonder of it all, doing something that seemed to bring him so much joy. And I'll always be thankful for his time down here with us. Being the one to remind us. To help us remember. I'll remember Richard always. And I'm thankful for every photo that can transport me back to a day or a moment that he was a part of. 

He always made us smile, for the camera, and in life. The best smiles. Thank you, for that Richard. We love you. We miss you and your gifts. But we're so thankful to have known you, to have had you be a part of our LA family. 

Dad, Sarah, Angela & Mom, photo by Richard Settle