Swimming in circles

I'm nervous. Nervous and anxious and teary-eyed. I can't help it. I want to be that brave, strong, nerves of steel girl I know I should be but I'm scared. Scared that when we drive to Los Angeles this week I will get lost and drown in the sea of millions of people and concrete. Scared that the apartments we've found online will so not look like their pictures. Scared that even though I've applied for what feels like hundreds of jobs, the only response I get will be the job I don't really want that doesn't pay very well. (Yes, I got a response from a resume I sent out Friday and yes, it's the one job I really didn't want, public speaker for a Fashion College. It sounds interesting and I know I can do it but they want a commitment of 2 days a week - and it's contingent on high schools asking you to come speak, whatever, that will so not pay the bills!)

Scared that UCLA will be way bigger than MSU and I'll flashback to the summer year between high school and college when I flipped out and quit MSU before I even moved on campus. Scared that I will have nothing to fill 180 pages/2 screenplays with. Scared that I'll suck at writing like I've always feared. Scared that maybe I won't suck and I'll have to keep putting myself out there.

Scared that the L.A. I see on television is the L.A. of real life. Scared that the U-Haul won't fit into the parking spot or that our apartment won't come with a refrigerator (not unfounded can I just say). Scared that I will be sleeping in a twin bed my entire life.

And I know, it'll be okay. It has to be. But that doesn't mean I can't be scared, at least a little. I'm excited too, don't get me wrong. Excited beyond belief. Excited because I'm moving to a city where I can go see this girl I know from college who's in a rock musical in a cool little theater in Hollywood. Excited because I might live two blocks from where the freakin' Academy Awards are held. Excited because it'll be 80 degrees and not 180 degrees outside. Excited because someone who graduated from the very same program I've been accepted into has been nominated for an Emmy award.

Scared and excited. Excited and scared. It leaves me swimming in circles a little. So I look for apartments online. I look for refrigerators online. I pack a box. I balance my checkbook. I call my grandparents. I play scrabulous on facebook (way better than Scrabble's new game). I make some muffins. I read one of the 20 magazines that came when we were gone. I quit MySpace. I think about the back story of the Vietnam vet in my novel. I try to decide whether or not the main character in my screenplay should be 40 instead of 25. I pack up the baby gift I bought for Kelly to send to her shower. I put my flip flops back on to go downstairs for water. (We broke a vase yesterday and I do not need anything else going on with my feet.) I watch a movie. (So far this weekend: Lions for Lambs which I thought was really good, and Charlie Bartlett, which made me laugh and smile, a lot.) I print out some resumes to take with me to L.A. I think about what it will be like when I can buy a house in Beverly Hills and have everyone I love come and visit for as long as they want. I think about trying to download a fun ringtone for my new Instinct.

Okay, I've talked (or rather, written) myself down a little. I'm excited again. I'm okay. I'm still swimming in circles but they're my circles and I'm still moving, right? Right!

El Fuego!

On fire! Yep, that's right! I am a job applying machine. This morning I "helped" Angela apply for six teaching/nanny/daycare jobs. Since lunch I've applied for six of my own jobs. They range from assistant to blog writer (I really want this one!!!) to mail room staff to public speaker for a Fashion Institute to a curriculum writer (okay, seriously, I WANT THIS ONE!!! AT LEAST AN INTERVIEW FOR IT!!!).

So I haven't been a total slacker today. Sometimes without a "job" to go to or pressing issues at hand I can feel rather slackerish, lazy even. But not today. I got up, made the bed, showered and dressed, then started working. No writing yet, hopefully tonight or tomorrow but I feel good about the direction I'm heading.

This morning we decided to renew our apartment lease by two weeks, yeah, I know, big deal. But it was, it kinda freaks me out. I mean I'm supposed to be leaving not staying. But it'll work out. This means we won't be homeless at least not until Angela's birthday or so. It also means we have a little time to think, plan, and prepare.

And yeah, I am going to order my computer today. Back to Best Buy. I'm going to try and not lose any other body parts while I'm there. I've been working on Ang's MacBook all day and the ease at which it works has left me needing a better machine. Wish me luck!

And to add insult to injury...

It wasn't enough that I was crabby yesterday. We went out to get dinner and then decided to go look at laptops. Mine is dying, and I am finally resigned to the fact that I need a new one. This is fantastic since I still owe over a grand on it. But the video card won't let me play movies on netflix.com (I know, the tragedy!), it takes ten plus minutes to boot up, yesterday I couldn't get into my hotmail because Internet Explorer just wouldn't open, and the I was using itunes to listen to music and shut it down and yet Eminem still blasted from my computer. No, itunes was not on, but the music still was. I have no idea.

So I am looking at laptops and they have this really good deal on a new one, one I'd looked at online and was interested in and shock! they don't have it in stock. So I moved on to look at another and BAM! ran my foot into the lovely metal computer stand. And yes, my big toe nail broke off completely, taking a big chunk of skin with it. FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC.

We browsed a little more, stood still a while longer, and then left the store. Not ready to go home yet, Ang pulled the first aid kit from the trunk. My dad had given it to her when she'd moved and she was just a little excited to use it for the first time, hoping this was practice for her new career as a bounty hunter (yes, she's reading Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum novels nonstop right now and yes Mom, she'll get a gun first).

And can I just say this first aid kit will come in handy for her new career?!?! Not only were there band-aids but also abdominal pads, surgical scissors, etc. We wrapped my toe, I wiped my tears, and we moved on to Circuit City.

So yes, that was an exciting adventure. Also, good news - I now get to sock away the $24 I was going to spend on a pedicure today. I think it'll be a few months before I get another one of those, seeing how my toe has raw flesh when the nail used to be. Lovely. Let's hope the day improves, I'll let you know when I get out of bed!

"Strap on the floation device, jump feet first into the sand and run!"

That was the advice of our flight attendant yesterday on the flight from Phoenix to Yuma. It had been a long day of traveling already and even though our planes were on time, even early, it was a long day. It helped a lot that this flight attendant had a sense of humor. She even asked if we all knew what a seat belt was. It was great.

So we're back in Hell, excuse me, Yuma. I think it's really worse when you leave and come back, you've forgotten what it was like. It's 115 today in the sun. I went out after a shower, to pick up some boxes from a friend, and sweat was literally running down my face before I made it to the car. I got burned three times on my seat belt and I can't have the arms down on the seat of the car. Yes, I'm complaining, yes, I moved here, and yes, I am crabby. Hellish heats and poison ivy do not mix. In fact, they sort of hate each other - yes, a turf war on my skin. "Isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?" (Yes, I stole that Friends' Rachel and yes, that's how I feel today.)

So anyway, we're back. We've yet to unpack, we've made several meals of honey nut cheerios, pizza, ice cream and pop. We've watched a little TV (Burn Notice started last week - love it! and In Plain Sight is still funny!), I've finished another book (Janet Evanovich's Three to Get Deadly), I snuck off and bought Ang a birthday present, I had a massage, and I have jet lag. I have no idea what time it really is or if I should eat or sleep so I just am.

So yeah, that's all there is right now. I have a lot of other blogs in my head, including one on golf I've been meaning to write for a while now so hopefully soon I'll get them down. I also need to find a job and an apartment and move to Los Angeles. All in the next 15 days. I think I'd better just jump feet first into the sand and run right now.

The Purple Rose

I wonder how many people know what's in their backyard? What exciting, interesting things you can take advantage of without going to far. Yes, yes, there's been a lot of talk of the "staycation" this year - not traveling because of the price of fuel (mind you I flew a long way to get to my vacation so this really doesn't apply to me) but I'm talking about all the time. Taking advantage of the community you live in - that's what we did Sunday and it was a truly entertaining experience.

Jeff Daniels, the actor (yes, he of Dumb and Dumber fame, among many other, better movies), founded The Purple Rose Theater Company back in 1991. I remember, when I was much, much younger, my parents and their friends went to a play there and always recalled the experience fondly but never returned. I'm not sure why, we went to other plays, to MSU, to WMU, to Detroit, etc. but never back to the Purple Rose. Until this past weekend.

My mom and I read about Jeff Daniels' latest play in the paper. Panhandle Slim and the Oklahoma Kid. Yes, in addition to acting, Daniels is quite the accomplished playwright. It was to be the world-premiere of this play, and it was only about 45 minutes from our house. I called up the box office and away we went.

We walked through downtown Chelsea, where the theater is located, because we got there early. (We also got rear-ended by a woman while we were waiting at a red light but luckily there was no damage. The funny part is, it happened in front of the police station and there was quite the noise and no, no one from the station or the patrol car parked out front came out to investigate.) We browsed in shops and art galleries and then headed to the theater.

I remember my mom always saying how small the theater was but this was quite the shock. It holds just over 200 patrons and is intimate enough in it's setting that you see everything on stage, AND all the people in the crowd around you. But there were comfy seats and nice ushers and then the show began.

It was the perfect way to spend 90 minutes of a Sunday afternoon. Laughing, smiling, tapping toes as the four actors sang songs and even a hymn. The play was about death, life, regret, experiences, spirituality, love, and owning up to it all. It was funny, smart, and included one character watering an invisible horse. It was great.

I'm so glad that Jeff Daniels decided to put his little theater right here smack-dab in the middle of Michigan. I'm glad that on Sunday afternoon I could watch this play with families and senior citizens and just ordinary people who, like me, probably don't get to the theater very much. I'm glad that we moved out of our backyard for a day and found something new, something enjoyable.

In December I'd love to go back, there's a revival of one of Daniels' other plays (he's quite prolific). And I'm excited to keep discovering things in my backyard, where ever that happens to be!

Hope and a Future

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
- Jeremiah 29:11

This is my verse, the one I go to every time I need reassurance or a boost or just a quick reminder. And lately I've needed it a bit more than usual.

Here's the lowdown:
- Neither Angela nor I have a job right now. Yes, technically I still am being paid until July 30th which is great. But after that, nothing. I've applied for eleven jobs so far and I have another to apply for this morning. But still.

- I don't have a place to live come July 31st. There are some beautiful apartments in Culver City, Santa Monica, even the Valley but I'm pretty sure I need a steady income to secure a lease. At least a lease in a neighborhood I want a lease in.

- I am officially a member of the UCLA professional screenwriting program. I get a reminder of this emailed to me every day in the form of a Listserve. It's pretty cool - there are job opportunities and agents who want to represent writers and alumni updates. Lots of alums are writing and being paid to write right now. Yeah, I'm excited.

- We're in Michigan until the 15th and my parents start their vacation today at 5pm. We're planning lots of fun for next week, and lots of downtime.

DESPITE everything that's going on or not going on in my life right now, here's something I do know. God has plans for me, BIG PLANS. I know He wants me to do awesome things and will help me to do these things. I know this because He's given me hope and a future. And baby, I'm going to ride that hope all the way! Future here I come!!!!!

Eastside update

I am here, in Michigan. I've been here for eleven days now and I know, I know, I haven't blogged but I have a perfectly good reason. I'm on vacation!

It's been great, I've finally relaxed and started sleeping well, and sleeping in. I've finished one novel and am over half-way done with another. I've been playing in the garden a lot, going to nurseries, learning about flowers and trees and planting. In fact, tonight we planted five rose bushes who's names are Shockwave, Scarlett, Rainbow Sorbet, Chihuly, and Iceberg. The front yard is looking good!

I've also been spending some time with friends which has been such a blessing. This week I had dinner in Kalamazoo with Leslie and Sara. It was one of those great night where before I knew it, hours had passed, like over five hours. It was as if the past year, or even two, hadn't happened, we'd never been away. It was what coming home should be.

Then Thursday I met my friend Erika and we spent the day at the mall, browsing clothes, makeup, books, and talking. Talking about health, life, work, family, everything and anything. And especially Juno. It was great.

Yesterday I got to play golf, finally, and shot a 99. I beat my dad on the first nine then my game fell apart a little. But it was good to get out their and swing the clubs and focus only on my next shot for a few hours. Then last night I went to my first Olivet College Alumni event which just happened to also be my first Tigers game in Comerica Park. It was a beautiful night and I had such a great time with my friend Angel, which is why I really went, to hang out with her. Again, it was like time hadn't passed, in that good way. It's so great to spend time with people who know you, know your stories and who can share your history. It was also great to walk down memory lane and talk about all those things I did and people I knew nine, ten years ago.

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks so far. This week will hopefully be a little quieter, not so much travel for me. I plan to finish the John Grisham book I'm reading, so I can go out and buy that new Meg Cabot book. I want to see a few movies and spend some time with my grandparents. Oh, and find a job hopefully. But I'm not stressing. God has a plan for me, I know it.

On the Los Angeles front, several updates: one, I did not get the job I interviewed with. Too many qualified candidates, yada yada. In hindsight, I think it's for the best, it might have been a lot of work along with school. Also, my professional program has just started a listserve (an email sent out with announcements every few days) I'm pretty excited about. It lists activities and opportunities and tells about what grads of the program are up to. And can I just say that today's announcement included two sales by program grads and two movies being filmed by program grads. I think that bodes well for me! I am excited!!!

I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few days and I've come up with a couple of ideas, dare I say, life views I am going to try and hold on to as I go through this next new adventure:

1. To steal a quote from Juno, "I don't really know what kind of girl I am" - I love this. I love how she delivers the line and how she truly means it with all she is and isn't. I love that this line was written by a twenty-nine year old screenwriter who has recently done what I want to do: tell a great story, very well, to a lot of people. While I certainly don't know what kind of girl I am yet, I am having a great time figuring it out.

2. I like me and I think it's important to make sure that I let that show in how I dress, how I treat myself, and how I treat others. I want to make time for what's important in my life, and those who are important. And if I don't want to do something, I'm not going to waste this very valuable commodity of time that I have!

3. Life is great! Bring it on, everything and anything. I am expecting great things and I know, WITHOUT A DOUBT, that I'm going to get them!

We made it!

Whew - it has been a day and it's only the afternoon (well, after 5 but I have no idea what time zone I'm feeling right now). Angela and I made it to Chicago, our plane was even half an hour early! Which was amazing considering how things had gone all day.

Our AWESOME friend Linda picked us up very early (especially since she's on vacation too, thank you again Linda), at 5:55am, and we were at the airport in Yuma by 6:15. Plenty of time for our 7am flight (in Yuma, the airport doesn't even open 2 hours before the first flight so those airline recommendations don't mean much) except that our flight didn't take off at 7am. We still aren't sure what happened but they ended up running two shuttles to Phoenix and we got on the 7:30, which wasn't bad since it was a jet and it took only 25 minutes to get us there and when we left the 7:00 flight was still waiting for clearance to take off. Crazy. However, we had to wait in Phoenix on the ground, of course, and we got off the plane 8 minutes before our flight to Chicago was to take off. We know the rule about being on board 15 minutes prior to take off but we decided to run through the airport anyway. We had planned to look for the golf cart shuttle but seeing none, and since we had our tennis shoes on, we literally ran, bags and all. And we got to our gate 3 minutes before take off. Thankfully the nice people working the check in opened the door for us, and several others, and let us on! WOO HOO!

Can I just say that while our flight attendant from Yuma to Phoenix had diarrhea of the mouth (she started talking to a woman about how much her job/the airline sucks and didn't quit until after we landed), the staff on the Chicago flight was awesome. They were so nice and helpful, it really was a pleasant experience.

So we made it, and all our luggage made it, and we took a $40 cab ride to our hotel blocks from the Diamond Headache Clinic so Ang is all set to get to her appointment in the morning. My parents are driving over now and should be here in a few hours. Just in time for us to eat again. The first thing we did after checking into our room was run over to Chipolte for food but that will not be enough for the night (I announced to Ang that travel days are points-optional days, I'm eating healthy but by golly if I'm hungry, I'm eating!). Then we went to Borders where I found the book, Meg Cabot's Queen of Babble in the Big City, I've been waiting for and now I'm going to read. (Yes, I have 3 other books in my luggage but I'm still going to read this chick lit novel first! John Grisham can wait a few more days.) Ang is asleep, her sinus/ear infection has worn her out and she has a bit of a migraine from traveling.

Alright, that's it from the Windy City for now. Yes, it is in fact windy, we had a lot of turbulence coming in, so much so that I felt queasy. Oh, and a tip to those of you flying US Airways in the future. They are no longer serving snacks of any kind, that's right no more peanuts or even that oh so not good soy snack, and as of August 1st they will be charging $2 for beverages. Any beverage, including water. Gotta love flying the friendly skies.

My Dad

One of my most cherished memories of spending time with my dad was one night when he was driving me back to college, after a weekend at home. We were nearing Olivet (it was an hour's drive from Howell) and we were having this great conversation. He asked me what I was going to do once I graduated. I admitted to him that I didn't know and I remember being really scared to say that out loud. His response? "I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up," he said and went on to tell me about all the things he still wanted to do with his life. That has stayed with me, that moment and I think about it all the time. And I'm thankful that I have a father who encourages me to be my own person, even if I have no idea what that means from day to day.

My dad is amazing. He really is, ask just about anyone who knows him. He's taught me how important relationships are throughout life, mostly by the way he treats his own. He loves to talk on the phone (which is funny because he doesn't really like to call people, weird, I know) and one of my favorite things to do is call him in the middle of the day when he's at work. We'll talk, about anything and everything, and just make sure we're caught up on each other's lives.

My dad is also smart. He is our family's resident Trivial Pursuit champion and he knows just about anything (ask Ang, she calls him from Arizona and asks him for directions, and even though he's only been here twice, he'll have the answer for her). He's also hard-working. He went into the Air Force at age 17, then when he got out he went to work. It wasn't until well after I was around that he had the opportunity to go to college, and I can still remember going to his graduation, Angela and I in our new dresses, so proud of our daddy, the college graduate.

My dad is the one who stayed up until after midnight with me every night, helping me pass my AP American History class, quizzing me on facts and helping me to understand. He's the one who went on the class field trips and always got stuck with all the rowdy boys and loved every minute. He's the one who stood outside in below-freezing temperatures, directing traffic for my high school choral festival. He's the one who came to every single golf match I ever had, in high school and college. Even my last match, that he told me he couldn't make it to because it was at St. Mary's in Indiana. I remember being okay with that, although certainly disappointed. However, when he showed up, having driven for hours in the rain to be there, I remember feeling so lucky, so special. That's the kind of dad he is. He makes me feel like I am the most important person in the world.

My dad volunteers for any and every single job at church, he puts the sprinkles on the Christmas cookies, he puts clean sheets on my bed before I come home, he cries at sporting event on TV, he steps up when no one else wants to, he joined a writing group last year, he teaches Bible studies and Sunday school, his favorite Johnny Cash song is Boy Named Sue, he likes scary movies, he loves to read, he's really, really good at crossword puzzles, he's lost a lot of good friends in the past few years, he loves cookies and those candied orange slices my grandma keeps in the candy jar just for him, he likes talk radio, he's been known to yell at people who get him angry, he listens to me talk for hours on end, he saved up for a few years to get his new golf clubs, and he will do anything, absolutely anything, for my mom, my sister and I. He is simply amazing.

Dad, I love you. And I can't wait to see you on Tuesday night!

Only the beginning

(Photos: 1 - Sylvia who retired as an aide at CRMS this year and Cinthia, Ang's team's science teacher. 2 - Me and Jake, Kristina's husband who teaches Special Ed at the new high school. 3 - Cindy, Linda, who taught Special Ed at CRMS this year but are moving to the elementary school next year and me. 4 - Kristina, Ang's team's math teacher, and Ang. 5 - Olga, my team's social studies teacher, Jim and Debi Prickett, Debi is Ang's team's other language arts teacher. We all celebrated the last day of school Thursday with lunch (and drinks!) at Chili's!)

"There comes a point you think is the end, but it is only the beginning." - Louis L'Amour

I'm not a fan of goodbyes, I'm not sure anyone is. I cry, then when I see other people crying, I cry more, I think life will never be the same, and guess what? I'm usually right. But here's another thing I've learned, while life will never be the same without the people you say goodbye too - it will continue and it might even be better than if you had never met those people you're saying goodbye too.

The school year is over, we finished up with a half-day Thursday. And it went really well, the kids had fun, I had fun, I signed shirts and yearbooks and took pictures, watched kids do cartwheels in the hall (shhh! don't tell my boss!), got and gave tons of hugs, and really just enjoyed my last few minutes with my 100+ students. I thought I might be more emotional, last year my kids were, I had a lot of tears shed in my room. This year there weren't many until the very end of the day. And then I did tear up as I waved to the kids hanging out the bus windows. And here's something I thought was pretty cool: as the bus drivers pulled out of the parking lot they honked their horns, continually, I just thought that was a very happy, positive way to end the year. And we teachers stood there waving at everyone. Very cool.

And it's over. We got all checked out at school (it took a while, there's always extra crap they throw in at the last possible second), and then headed to lunch to celebrate with our friends. We had an awesome time, mixing school talk with conversations on everything under the sun. Then we headed back to school to help our friends Kristina and Cinthia move into their new rooms. Lots of change happening around here. And at five o'clock when Ang and I walked out of Crane Middle School for the very last time I couldn't help but get a little misty-eyed again. I've spent a lot of time there in the past two years. A LOT of time. I've cried, I've laughed, I've loved, I've made amazing friends, I've yelled, I've taught, and most of all, I've grown. I think that's the best part. I've become a different, I hope better, person.

So it's the end and it's the beginning. I'm done being a seventh grade language arts teacher. For now (never say never I've learned). And I'm so glad I took the job. I'm so glad I let those kids and all these people into my life. And most of all, right now, at least for a few more days, I'm glad it's over. I'm worn out but in a good way. The way you get when you have accomplished something pretty darn good.

Things I want to remember from today

- How very important it feels to do a job and do it well and be done with it. For example, getting 30 lockers cleaned out.
- Jesus' smile when I call him out on any number of things he does.
- The moment when Olga, my teammate and friend, handed my a Willow Tree angel and wished me a great life, hugging me with tears in her eyes.
- Writing notes to about twenty of my co-workers, telling them how much I appreciated sharing the past two years with them.
- Calling out the names of my golfers and awarding them medals in an assembly of about 900 students and teachers, and congratulating them on an awesome season!
- Having Anissa, a student of mine last year, knock on my door and tell me she wanted to give me a hug and tell me goodbye. She's this tough girl, with an eyebrow ring, gangster look, and yet she wrote in my yearbook that she's going to keep writing. Too cool.
- Getting a group hug from Clarissa, Lily, and Eric, students from last year who yelled how much they'll miss me.
- Having Kristina and Linda gather in my room just to hang out, I will miss that - more than they know.
- Laughing at the goodbye staff meeting, getting two hats - one that says "detective" and the other that says "party animal" and hearing how much they appreciate all the "hats" I have worn over the past 360+ days I've worked at Crane Middle School.
- Cynthia Norman, a great friend, hugging me as we left and telling me, through tears, that I am a good person.
- Elizabeth putting quarters in the "college fund" piggy bank I also got at the party, so I won't forget her.
- Having Linda tell me she just isn't saying goodbye to me. I like that because I don't like goodbyes.
- Eating a Snickers ice cream bar and getting chocolate all over me, even on my bangle bracelets.
- Getting a hug from my boss who told me, sincerely, that she would miss me. That's big because sometimes I didn't always feel that way.
- Staring at Luis and Ricardo's baby sister, born Saturday, and being thanked by their parents. It's pretty cool to know that as teachers, we've made such an impact on a family that they want to share these good things with us.
- Looking out at the 40-some people I've worked with for two years and thinking that I will truly miss them.

A very cool thing

Do you ever have one of those days where there's a real struggle between good and evil? Where you can almost feel the fight around you. A good thing happens and boom! a bad thing comes right on it's heels. But then sometimes a good thing happens again to make the bad thing move away from the front of your mind for a little while. Yesterday a very cool thing happened that made some of the bad things seem a little further away and less important.

John McBride is a teacher at Crane and he runs a very cool program called Turning Point that takes in students who have had severe academic and discipline problems. He teaches them every subject and in addition, he helps them to grow up. And one of the best parts is they do. I have several students in John's program and they've all either changed significantly or in some small way that shows they are on their way. While Turning Point is a Crane program, it's separate from our school and of course, as always, there were budget cuts this year, and try as he might, John couldn't save the program he has dedicated his life to. He's a guy who puts his money and time where his mouth is, a former Marine who doesn't give these kids an inch and who gets results. He takes the kids none of us can handle (or frankly, don't want to handle anymore) and he works with them - often one-on-one. And he created a cycling program to keep them motivated. And it worked. They bike miles, they bike inside in stationary programs, they bike in 112 degree temperatures, they get run over by other cyclists (it's true, I saw it happen, one kid went down and John, not wanting to wreck brand-new two thousand dollar rims, rode right over the kid). And they love it. It's a very cool thing.

And yesterday, they got a call from Jenny Jones, the former talk show host, and she awarded John a $25,000 grant to continue his cycling program. He's going back into the traditional classroom at Crane next year but he'll still work with intervention kids and keep his program going after school. Click on the link above and read all about it - John's picture, with his kids, is on the front page of the Yuma Sun today. Very cool indeed. And standing next to him and three of my kids, kids who no longer sit in my classroom every day but kids who were once mine and who now are doing pretty darn well in John's program. I can't think of anything better today. I really can't. God bless public school teachers. Seriously.

The big envelope

It's what every college applicant waits anxiously for. Mine just came a month or two late. Yes, I was accepted into Cal State Northridge's Masters of Screenwriting program. And yes, today I sent them my own rejection letter. I'm going to be a UCLA Bruin (a bear), not a CSUN Matador. But it still feels nice to be accepted, and to do the rejecting this time around.

I am excited about grad school, I really am. I'm excited to write more, to be forced to write (yes, even though I LOVE writing, I still need that external motivation of a deadline), and to learn more about this craft. My kids ask me every day where I'm going and I explain, every day, I'm moving to Los Angeles to try and become a screenwriter. Today they drew pictures of me on the board, directing. One even had me yelling, "Cut, cut, she's dead!" with an actress lying near me (with a megaphone). Yes, I'm trying to bottle their creativity to take with me. They began asking for my autograph today, which I happily supplied, and asking me to put them in my movies. I tell them I will try my best, not having the energy or desire to break their little hearts already by explaining that it will be unlikely that I will ever be in that particular position. Ah, to be young and innocent!

Also, for those of you following my writing career that's been flourishing here in my bedroom/office, I think I'm going to rewrite my screenplay with the lead being an older woman. Yes, I know! Big change! But it came to me last night as I lay in bed (I work really well late at night, my mind never shuts down) and I am excited by this prospect. BUT I WILL FINISH THE NOVEL FIRST! I promise myself that. Big things are in store for my five deployment "widows".

Okay, enough writing about writing, I think I'll get a few paragraphs in before I get lazy and head off to watch John Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Nation, good things are ahead! And I think it all starts with a big envelope.

The Last Friday

Tomorrow's it. The last Friday of school. The last time I will give a spelling test (until of course I get roped into visiting Ang's classroom or something). The last time I will hear, have a good weekend Ms. Knapp (of course, one of my precious darlings says this every day, and then says, oh right! it's not Friday - gotta love seventh graders). The last time I'll go to Lute's downtown after school with everyone (even Shannon!) and hang out and complain about my job.

But things are good. I'm having fun talking with the kids while they work on projects. And I'm packing up my room and organizing which I love. And today, during my team meeting, my team praised me for all the work I did for them this year which was a big surprise. We've had a long, rough year and to hear from colleagues that they appreciate you is a very cool thing.

Tomorrow I have my phone interview, and I'm sending out applications for more jobs in LA. I'm looking forward to next Friday when the only thing on my agenda is a 10am massage and the first day of summer vacation.

Monday musings

Are you ever really tired but just don't want to waste time sleeping? That's how I am feeling right now. I slept a long time Saturday night - Sunday morning and then Sunday went by in a blur and now it's Monday night and I'm exhausted but I just want to do stuff. It was a good weekend and all but still, I want to be busy, I want to be proactive. And I want to write. But life keeps getting in the way.

Some life stuff of late:
- The Red Wings lost in 2nd overtime tonight to the Penguins. So we'll go through this again Wednesday and I'll save my t-shirt until Thursday. Come on Detroit, we want another Cup!

- We went to the semi-annual sale at Bath & Body Works today and got a bunch of soap and stuff. At regular price it range up at $99.60. We paid $33.50. Rock on sales!

- There are eight days left of school and it's getting harder to be patient and keep the kids quiet and busy. But we're managing. And I'm trying to enjoy my time with them and my co-workers.

- I've seen my share of movies lately. They include: "What Happens in Vegas" which was funnier than I expected. I went because I just love Ashton Kutcher. But it was totally worth the five bucks. Then we saw "Sex and the City" yesterday. SO SO SO GOOD. Honestly one of the best movies I've seen in a long, long time. I laughed, cried, and loved seeing some old friends make the switch from small to big screen really well. And can I just say, I was one of the youngest people in the theater by about 30 years and I thought that was pretty cool because everyone seemed to like the movie. Recent Netflix include: "American Gangster" which started on a confusing note but picked up and was a great story, and not nearly as violent as an average episode of "The Sopranos". Also, "The Savages," an interesting character-driven piece about dealing with an aging parent. I've decided I really like Phillip Seymour Hoffman and he did well in this flick.

- And last but not least, I have my first L.A. interview on Friday. It's with a charter school as a Professional Development Coordinator and the principal said she was really excited by my resume. I'm really excited about the prospect of another paycheck after June 20th, my last from Crane. So here's hoping!

- Okay, I am going to bed now. I am tired and want to write but chose the excitement of ice hockey instead and now I must get my beauty sleep!!!!

This one was a crier

I had my second parent meeting of the week yesterday afternoon. Yes, there are nine days left of school and yes, all of a sudden people care. Parents and students. But what I thought would be a hostile meeting turned out to be more like a therapy session.

I have a student who came to me from Angela mid-year. Ang realized that she was "too high" to stay in intervention. She was the second student I got from Ang, the first worked out very well. He came, he started getting As, he never said a word. Then came the girl. First day, she started giving me attitude. She stirred up trouble in the class, she refused to work, she wouldn't stop talking, she chewed gum constantly. When I gave her detention, she skipped. I called home and things got a little better attitude-wise. But she wouldn't turn in any work.

She failed tests, she never did homework, etcetera etcetera, and squeaked by with a D. Not so this quarter. Thus Mom coming in. And before I could even set down yesterday, Mom was crying. There's a divorce, a move to Nevada, and a defiant thirteen-year-old who's died her hair black, gets pornographic emails, etcetera etcetera. This is not the little girl this mother raised. And so we talked (well I talked, it was translated, mom talked, it was translated). More tears, from both mother and daughter. And we left with her thinking about doing some make-up work for my class. But I stressed to her that as a teenager, she gets to make the choice and decide if it's a good or a bad choice. We'll see come Monday what she decides.

Another first yesterday - the first time I've ended a parent meeting getting hugged by a parent. Mom just seemed at her wits end but I am hoping, in some small way, we helped her, the two other teachers and I who sat there in that meeting. But, as it is with all my kids, I'll probably never know. I wonder, as I look out at my 90-some-odd students, what they'll be in ten years, fifteen years. Will they be okay, normal adults living normal lives? Will they be gang bangers and drug runners? Will they be alive or in jail? Will they be the spectacular human beings I tell them every day they can be? God, I pray so. Literally.

Parents Just Don't Understand

I know, I know, I am not a parent. I don't claim to be nor do I claim to know anything about raising a child to the age of thirteen. However, I do know something about seventh graders as I have spent a good chunk of my life with them for the past two years. And I know a thing or two about how seventh graders think, and how public schools run. And if you are a parent, I beg you to consider that not all seventh graders are perfect angels and that it might not be the teacher's fault when your kid screws up.

Yeah, today was one of those days. I wanted to take a personal day. I wanted to be home writing my novel and walking with my iPod on and making a healthy dinner but no, I went to work. I went to work because I am a good employee and I knew there would not be enough substitute teachers today. Surprise! I was right.

And during the course of my day I had two sets of parents show up at the school demanding to see me and my team of teachers. Now, please, parents, think this through if you ever want to talk to a teacher. Guess what we are doing in the middle of the day...TEACHING YOU CHILD. Yep, yep, we can't just sneak out for a meeting. And certainly not six teachers at once.

One mom rescheduled until Friday. It doesn't help that she doesn't speak English so I couldn't talk to her while she was standing there in the office, I've called home three times for her daughter who's failing, and this morning her precious one told me she doesn't know why she hasn't turned in her poetry book. She just doesn't care. Yeah. Did I mention we turn grades in on Monday? As in five days from now? Yeah. Good time to call for a meeting with your kid's teachers. Eleven days before the end of the school year.

The other parents refused to leave until we met with them. So they waited, over an hour. And on our prep my team met with them. And told them the same thing we've told them at several other meetings: we don't know what to do either. You kid is smart, very smart. But he's a kid, an immature, little kid. Seriously folks, I can only do so much, I cannot parent your child as well.

From my short tenure in the classroom I've seen a lot of parents who seem very unequipped to do their job, to parent a teenager. And it's sad. A lot of them are younger than me, and I KNOW I couldn't do it. That's why I don't have a teenager.

So yeah, it was a long day. A day capped off by a grading session during which I discovered one of my students had plagiarized poems in her book. Yeah, Chris Brown doesn't get by me, no seventh grader writes poems that sound like multi-platinum hit songs. Thank goodness for google.

Crazy weather but I love it!

UPDATE: Angela and I just got back from Mexico where we had a great lunch with our friend Gume. He's the waiter at the restaurant in the middle of the square we always eat at. He's always our waiter, not sure how that happens but today he was in rare form. When we left Gume stood on the chair to shake our hands, yes, we're giants, we know. Also, Ang was not impressed because today the refried beans had red peppers in them. I, however, enjoyed it because I got to eat her beans in addition to mine! Yay for me!

After lunch we visited our friends who sell pottery in the alley. They are excited because they just moved next door to a new building (I guess it's a building, it has walls and a ceiling but no floor or door). The wife gave us a great deal on a bowl and a gift. I got a fluted bowl to match my little salsa bowls (see above), I think it's big enough for chips. So who's coming over for dinner?!?!

After we said goodbye to the pottery family (not their real name), we wandered down the streets in search of the giant circular pink and turquoise wall hanging Angela remembered from last year and wanted for our move. We finally found the marketplace (we didn't find it last time so this in itself was a feat) but sadly, no wall hanging. But it's possible she made it better and better in her mind and the ones we saw just couldn't live up to the memory. There was a pushy shopkeeper there so we moved on. We wandered by a Mexican park and got some looks as we're queras (white girls) and we had veered off the beaten track. But the locals had some great smelling taco trucks and it was cool (low 70s) so everyone was out and about and it was just a nice day to walk.

Before we hit "the line" we stopped at the infamous purple pharmacy (they make their own commercials that are just terrible but ABC shows them anyway). We picked up vanilla for mom and us and of course, I got a liter of coca light. I love my coca light!

It took us just 25 minutes to cross the border today, not bad at all considering we've waited up to four hours before. We had our passports today and they swiped them and let us through with barely a glance. Guess queras are not dangerous looking. At least not these two.

So yep, three hours and five dollars to park and we are back in the good old US of A.

I don't think it can get any better than this. Last night we slept with the windows open. Yes, in Yuma, Arizona. In late May. I KNOW! It's crazy. Average highs are usually in the upper 90s to 110 degrees right now, not low 60s. It rained yesterday, actually pourred, several times. There was a mud slide out on one of the major roads it rained so much - a whole 0.03 inches. I know, it's not Michigan.

The weather's on schedule to return to normal by Tuesday but right now it's gorgeous here. Oh yeah, and it's been snowing in Flagstaff. Crazy I tell ya!

Right this very moment life is good. I am excited about the move and school and most of all Los Angeles. I'm very excited to be going home to Michigan in 23 days to see everyone. And we only have 13 days of school left. I just might make it.

Not sure what we're going to do this weekend. We might go to Algodones, Mexico today because of the cool weather. We've been wanting to go just to look around, especially at the pottery and usually it's unbearably hot by the time we head back to get in line at the border. Other than that I'm just going to enjoy these next three days, you should do the same!

Patience

Patience is a hard thing for me. I want what I want when I want it. That's the truth sad as it might be.

Being a seventh grade teacher in May requires a lot of patience I don't have. And yet I am the adult, "the one in control of the room" (as I told one group of students today), and I have to dig deep and find that patience.

Today I got pulled into Angela's room because team Europe was having some student difficulties and I was on my prep. This is not unusual, we try to help each other out - if the teachers didn't stick together this place might literally fall apart. And I was in the room trying to get some students to do their job and one student in particular was having a rough time. Angela asked me to help him because she couldn't deal with him right then, they had decided they were both angry at each other. So I went over and asked what his question was. We talked for a minute or two and I felt like pulling my eyeballs out of the sockets, it might have been less excruciating then trying to get through to this kid. And then I saw the look on his face. Despite the fact that he's a HUGE behavior problem every SINGLE day, and despite the fact that he has been known to nearly sexually harass students and teachers, and despite the fact that I wanted to be in my silent room alone at the moment, I saw that he needed help. He truly wasn't getting this question on this test. So I slid down the wall, sat on a pile of books and tried again. And this time he got it.

Let me tell you, if there's only one reason why God sent me to Crane Middle School it must have been to teach me patience.

Other than that life is okay. I'm starting to wake up thinking of the fact that I don't have a job yet for August (luckily I get "paid" through July), that we don't have an apartment yet, and I really don't want to go to school. And yet, there are some happy things in my days.

Last night we played our last golf match and my team did awesome! I had a kid come in with a 34 (on a par 3 course! AWESOME!) and we had all our kids do great. We won't know for a day or two if we've won the championship since one of the teams was phoning in their scores from their home course (whatever) but we feel like victors and that's what counts.

Ang and I had a great Saturday, we ate at the garden cafe which I love and went shopping. I put a little of that stimulus check back into the economy, just doing my part for America nation! (I love how Stephen Colbert calls his audience "nation"! Love love love it!) The garden cafe is this rockin' restaurant downtown Yuma that I sadly only just discovered in April. If you're ever here in the "winter" - go visit. I wanted to write about food on Saturday but never got around to it. The food there was so great, all fresh fruits and veggies and breads and this AMAZING coconut cake. And I didn't feel guilty eating it which was new for me. I'm not losing weight as fast as I'd like but I am loving the new dress I got on Saturday regardless. (Ang says it's very Sex and the City though I am NOT wearing stilettos with it!)

Guess that's all for now, I'm going to keep working on my patience. Any suggestions?

My Mom

My mom is amazing and I cannot imagine having grown up with anyone else but here helping me to become the person I am today. I know God has a plan for everyone and everything and I am so blessed that my plan included Christina Ann MacDonald Knapp giving birth to me.

My mom likes to remind people that she was "the meanest mom on the block" (I am pretty sure I never uttered those words - that's all her) and you know what, she was and she wasn't. She was mean if you consider mean to be someone who has expectations she expects you to follow at all times. She taught me to be strong, to be fair, and most of all, to be loving.

Here's a woman who went to work simply so her children could have the things she didn't. She walked to work so we could save money to go on a vacation. She made homemade dinners and took us to the library and impressed upon me the importance of helping everyone.

She's amazing. She gives 110% at work and then comes home and starts her day all over again. She cooks for people who need food, she takes care of my five grandparents, she loves baseball and hockey and will listen to me every time I call to complain or cry. She makes homemade strawberry jam and loves camping. She taught me it's okay to stay in your nightgown until after noon. She reads every single piece of the newspaper. She has given me everything I've ever needed and more. But most of all she's given me her love. She's taught me to be independent and smart and careful. She's taught me to live by a budget but to live the life I want. She's taught me to care for others but also for myself. And everyday, she continues to be this amazing example of a Christian woman I am so grateful to have had in my life for thirty years.

Thank you mom. I love you.