Relaxin'

Yes, I finally feel relaxed. I feel destressed and good. It was a very long week, finishing up the grad class, dealing with the dentist (found out an old filling had eroded leaving a space between two teeth with no contact point which causes a great deal of pain whenever I ate anything) twice, managing my ever-increasing management issues at school and finally, ending my Friday afternoon with horribly-behaved children, getting my tooth filled on my lunch hour (and having the Novocaine wear off mid-treatment), and then a parent meeting during class which required me to farm out my children for the last 20 minutes of the day. I needed a break by Friday night.
So we went to a nice new restaurant, an Italian place that had great food, so-so service, and ambiance that made it feel like we were anywhere but in Yuma, which was great. Then I ate a lot of ice cream (low-fat of course) and watched The Pursuit of Happyness. Great movie, very encouraging.
Then yesterday we went to yoga where I worked hard (good), then got a massage (even better), and then a pedicure at this new place that charges seven bucks less than the mall (awesome!); this was all topped off by a few hours reading magazines by the pool and enjoying living in the desert in May. Last night we watched Freedom Writers and I really enjoyed this movie too. It made me ready to go back into work tomorrow and do a better job. To try harder. It also was interesting to see some of my life on screen, the teaching side, the realities of being a public educator. The idea that second and third jobs become necessary to make ends meet, the idea that these kids consume your life, your thoughts, your time. It happens. And I don't think that part of the movie was ficitonalized at all.
The teacher became consumed by her job and I sympathize, it consumes me most days. For eight to ten hours a day you breathe these kids and their lives. Sixty-two lives. I know about their families and their jobs, their brothers and sisters, their illnesses and injuries, their court cases and probabtions, their needs and wants and hates and loves. I see them love each other and hate each other and be sweet and be cruel. I see a lot. And it takes over. It's hard to let that go. It's hard to walk away from that at five o'clock. There is always something more to do. Something more to think about. I worry that they don't tell me the truth about why they're absent. I worry that they'll miss another day for court. I worry that they'll get bullied again tomorrow. I worry that they're cutting themselves. I worry that their parents don't worry. I worry that I can't do more. I worry that he's still failing or that she still can't read any better than she could in August. I worry that they're doing drugs. I worry, I worry, I worry. And that's a lot of stress, 62 little lives.
But this weekend I've managed to put it on a shelf. Sure I haven't forgotten completely, I had a dream about my classroom last night. But that's okay. For now this is my life. And I like that. But this weekend I've gotten to relax. And I am so grateful for that.
Eighteen school days left. It seems like we just started. And to think, I'll have a whole new group of worries come August!