Wrench

Yeah, a big old wrench, that's what I got today when I opened the mail. See I've been putting my plans for the future on hold until I find out if I've gotten accepted to any of the Los Angeles grad schools I've applied to. Ang has been too - she's moving with me and we're waiting to find out where I'll be "stationed" before we make any big plans when it comes to apartments, jobs, etc. All that small stuff.

Well today I got a letter from Cal State Northridge that says they have all of my required applications materials (that I submitted over 5 months ago) and they're reviewing them. And they'll start sending out admission status letters the week of May 19th, 2008. That's right folks, over a month from now. It was bad enough that the last week of March/first week of April came and went without any letters, as had been promised by all the schools' websites but now I have to wait another 6 weeks or so. I just don't get it...

I had a dream last night, and I woke up really excited. I'd prayed last night for God to let me know what He wants for me, where He wants me, etc. And then I had this dream that ended with me getting an acceptance letter from USC (my number one pick and the best screenwriting school in the country) that was signed by the university president and he'd written "Why not?!?!" after his name. I have no idea if the university president is a man and no idea why he'd write such a thing but I was elated!

And then I got the Northridge letter. I haven't gotten any others - still waiting on USC and UCLA but I am getting very anxious. As I watched Channel One News with my kids today and listened to seniors talking about getting a thin vs. a thick envelope in the mail regarding their college acceptances I empathized. Although I feel like I should be past this point. I just want to write. And I am not sure if I'm supposed to find another way to do it but I thought this was a pretty good way. I mean, if you want to be a doctor or a lawyer or an electrician or a chef you go to school, learn the craft, and then make your way through your career. I've finally figured out something I really want to do and now I just don't know how to get there. I've been listening to screenwriting podcasts when I work out this week and these writers talk about how you just have to do it, sit down and write. And I think yeah, well you're getting paid three-quarters of a million bucks to just sit down and write. And you don't have to go to work and deal with 13 year olds for ten hours first. I know I shouldn't complain, I have a job and I'm grateful for that but I want more. And I pray to God He shows me the way. Or at least points me in the direction of a cheap apartment in a good neighborhood in L.A. (I know, I don't ask much!).

Ang asked today what I'll do if I don't get in to any schools. This has been in the back of my mind since I started the process, I am realist, I know my chances are slim. I had a great writing score on the GRE but not stellar verbal and quantitative scores. I am sure there are people with better resumes and pedigrees wanting the slots at the schools just as much as me. And maybe even some of them can pay for the tuition up front. But I do know I want to write. So I did what any writer would do in this situation. I turned inside myself and started something new. In my case, notes on what I hope will become a new screenplay. So I guess, wrench or no wrench, I'll just keep pluckin' along!