Our bodies

This is a picture of my friend Pauley. On Sunday, during the BBQ at my house we were discussing aches and pains. Something happened a week ago today and my neck started to hurt. Wait, hurt isn't the right word. I experienced pain. And not just any pain. Pain that shot through my shoulders up my neck to my jaw and straight through the top of my head. When I bent over I thought I might pass out. I was sure I had some terrible disease or aneurysm or something though I wouldn't admit this to anyone. Come to find out, I have tension in my neck. Well, at least that's what the masseuse told me.

But back to this crazy picture. Pauley has neck and shoulder pain too and she was very concerned about me. One of our friends is a masseuse (which I didn't know until she told me to sit down and started rubbing my neck) and she told me I likely pulled something and am exhibiting symptoms of TMJ. I don't have TMJ, most likely just the symptoms. I am grateful for that diagnosis seeing how 1) it calms my fears about the aneurysm and 2) it was free (if ever there was a time I wished I lived in Canada...). Pauley explained to me that she's had her neck issues for years now and gets acupuncture, etc. to help. I was intrigued because acupuncture's helping Angela but it's still too pricey for me.

But Pauley's pain got worse over the weekend and she went to the doctor and the above picture is a result of what they did to her. It's called cupping. I was terrified when I saw the photo, it looks painful (she says it is) and I wondered how it could help (it supposed to, we'll see). But the more I think about all this physical pain, the more I think about our bodies. Mine in particular but in general, how we treat our bodies, and how they are so mistreated on a regular basis.

I went back for another massage today and asked that the massuese focus on my neck. She did but then she worked on every other part of my body as well and after a few minutes I was grateful for this. I spend hours in front of the computer and that doesn't just affect my neck. It affects my hands and my legs and my back and my eyes and it's amazing I'm still functioning. It's amazing any of us are. To think about God creating these physical beings we live in. Deciding what functions as what, what we look like, what needs to perform and how. It boggles my mind.

I was talking about weight loss with some friends the other day and the issue of self-esteem was raised. I was thinking about how I have conciously been trying to be more positive about my own body image. I've been walking regularly for months now (even through the neck pain) and I've yet to lose a single pound but people keep telling me I look good, better, thinner, healthier. I'm not so sure but I've really been focused on accepting the compliments, saying thank you, and trying not to downplay my efforts. I realize that this is the body God provided me with, for better or worse, for my entire life on this earth and it's all I've got.

Today I saw one of those TV commercials for body sculpting. They offered payment plans with zero interest. I immediately thought, ooh - just my upper arms. If I got those done I'd be content. I flashed back to this morning when I tried on three different outfits before heading off to my internship. They all revolved around not letting my arms show too much. And then I thought about how much I enjoyed getting my massage today. How much I enjoyed walking in the sun today, along the street, looking up at the blue sky. How much I enjoyed writing with my fingers on the keyboard and singing along to the John Mayer CD I've just discovered and fallen in love with.

I often take my body for granted. Sometimes it reminds me that I have to be more careful, more cautious, more loving of it. Those are the times when I put on extra sunscreen or get a massage or take an Advil or put the fancy eye cream all around my eyes. I really do want to be more intention in preserving what God's given me. I want to use it and work it and have it work for me.

On Monday as I watched all those runners in the marathon I teared up on more than one occassion. To see what they were putting their bodies through, to see what they did for their bodies, was pretty awe-inspiring. I will never be a runner, I don't have the knees for it, but I did find myself sprinting a few times on my walk home that morning. I found myself taking an extra moment to brush my teeth better, to rub lotion into my neck and arms, to stretch every 30 minutes as I worked at my computer.

Our bodies. It's crazy what we do to them. It's crazy what they do to us. They're beautiful creations, gifts, from God. Most of all they're the only ones we get. I need to remember that more often.