I smile now

Sixteen hours after landing in Detroit last month I headed over to MediLodge, one of the care facilities in Howell. This was a big deal for me as I had avoided this place for most of my life. I don't, or didn't, do nursing homes well. When I was little my mother's grandparents, my great grandparents, lived in a nursing home. We'd go see Grandma and Grandpa Larry on a regular basis as they were just over near Jackson, less than an hour's drive away. However, to me, a little kid, the place seemed horrible. It smelled like a hospital. People sat in wheelchairs in the hall, and the whole place had an institutional feel to it. I don't know why, I just didn't like it. At all.

Fast forward a few years and I became a youth group member and then a youth group leader in Howell. It was our charge to lead the worship services at the two local care homes every September. And every September for six years I bowed out. I couldn't do it. The thought of walking up to those glass doors made me cry. Literally cry. So I just didn't go.

Fast forward to now. I've gotten better, it's true, over the years. A treasured family member is in a facility in London, Ontario and we've visited and it's a lovely place. Really. I am not lying. And I've had my share of hospital and doctor experiences with other family members and friends to learn to suck it up and deal. However, this past month I found myself having to enter MediLodge to see my Grandma MacDonald. She fell in January and ended up having multiple surgeries that have left her physically impaired and very shaky on the details of what's happened in the past five minutes. Ask her about something that happened 15 years ago and your golden.

But off I went. I had to, there had to be no hesitation, no indecision. This was grandma. Grandma who we visited constantly growing up, weekly if not more. Grandma who lived four blocks away. And guess what? It wasn't so bad.

The place has been renovated in the last few years and it's amazing. Bright and airy and cheerful. The staff was friendly from moment one. Everything's all glass walls and windows, comfortable couches and aquariums. Libraries and concerts and state of the art technology. They even have a cafe. Color me impressed.

For the month that I was in Michigan I went to MediLodge countless times. I'd run over by myself to deliver the afternoon paper. We'd go as a family, take a homemade dinner complete with table cloth and hot dessert, and eat in one of the many common areas. We'd run into people we hadn't seen in years, catch up with friends, talk to patients, laugh and smile and laugh some more when we left. The people in this care facility are not just patients, they're characters.

My grandma is getting the care she needs and deserves. She's being well fed and they're helping her adjust. She plays cards and bingo and watches movies and chats. She's never in her room, one day it took 10 minutes to track her down. She gets her hair done at the salon that's right there when you walk in. And trust me, I'd get my hair done there. That's how nice it is.

Does it break my heart to see her there? Yes. But not for the reasons I might have suspected 1o years ago. It breaks my heart because she isn't well. And she's not progressing as we all had hoped. But on the other hand, I smile because I know where she is. I met the nurses and therapists and her roommate and her friends. I shared meals with her. I listened to a Frank Sinatra impersonator with her. I watched as they set her hair. I saw her try to reteach herself to walk. And all of that makes me feel closer, even when I'm far away.