A little cracked

This is my Cousin Camp mug. The one I painted at U Paint It in Texas and then they fired. It arrived in the mail today and the handle was broken off and there were a few chips. Thankfully Angela's survived the donkey ride.
When we unwrapped the mugs I was upset, okay, maybe a little more than upset. I have been trying to be calm for the past few weeks, trying to maintain my vacation vibe but it's getting harder and harder. I've been applying for jobs and getting no response, the checkbook balance is getting lower and lower, and the state of California wasn't being very speedy with Angela's unemployment checks (she's now caught up through the second week of July, yep, I said speedy). I've been writing but haven't heard from any of the programs I've applied to...the list goes on and on.
But I don't want to be a whiner. I really don't. I read the paper each morning and know there are people so much worse off than me. But this afternoon, I lost it. I'd been to acupuncture which had been painful (and it's usually not but apparently the left side of my body is just going to pot), I'd been to the grocery store which had also been painful, and I was hot. It's been near a hundred all week here and fans only do so much in the afternoon. So I lost it. I cracked a little when I saw my cracked mug.

So I put it aside, grilled some veggies for dinner and watched a little Jon Stewart. I laughed. I wrapped Angela's birthday gifts and giggled when I drew on the envelope. I read through a friend's beat sheet and thought about how great it was that I had ten people show up to my Writers' Group on Sunday. And then I went and got the Krazy Glue.

It took only a moment (well two moments, I had to pause mid-glue to read the instructions on the glue box to make sure I was doing it right, turns out there really is no wrong way to glue) and voila! my mug was whole again. Sure it has a few chips and you can see where the handle had been snapped off but it was fixed.

And then I thought about how I wrote on the inside of my mug that "love is all around me all the time". And you know what? It really is. And love isn't perfect. Love is cracked and smudged and a little broken and off-kilter. But you know what, it's love. And that's what I need to remember. I am loved. I am so loved. I am loved even though I am cracked and smudged and a little broken and off-kilter. And that even though my calm is waning, I'm going to be okay. Because my mug is.