Trying...

I've been back from "Cousin Camp", aka my vacation in Texas with my cousin Jamee and her wonderful family, for four days now. And I've yet to write a thing. Well, I take that back. I wrote comments on all of my students' assignments when I graded them. And I wrote a bunch of stuff on the discussion boards for work and some emails. I even wrote notes on how I want to rewrite the last feature I wrote. But nothing on the TV pilot I've been working on or the spec script I'm trying to write of 'Modern Family'. Not a word. I've sat down to write plenty but that hasn't produced much.

I try not to beat myself up about it too much. It's been a stressful week, there have been job issues and money issues and Angela hasn't felt well and I've been dealing with jet/vacation-lag. (I've finally figured out that those are very real things.) I've done my job, I've paid the bills. I've even applied for several jobs (so far I've gotten one response, the Halloween store by the mall sent a 'we'll get in touch later this month' response -- no joke) and I've slept. A lot.

I was complaining to Angela today that I've been so exhausted this week and I don't know why, I was just on vacation for a week. Then she reminded me that I tend to cycle through life, I go go go for a while and then I have a week where I am drained and need to sleep more than usual (last night I went to bed at 10:30pm, yes, on a Friday, in Los Angeles and slept through till seven this morning). And if I think about it, maybe I didn't sleep a lot last week. Different environment, up late with the big kids, up early with the wee kids, etc.

So I am trying not to worry. I am reminding myself that I will write, that I will get back in a normal groove and that by tomorrow, in time for my writers' group, I will have something down. I've been going over and over my stories in my mind so it's not like there hasn't been progress. And I've been doing research and reading which are all good things. But sometimes that's not enough to quell the inner monologue that says, just do it.

So I'll try. These words here are a start. I'll open up the Final Draft document in a moment, go over some notes from my last read through and plow forward. Because, as the note above my computer reminds me: I am responsible for my dreams.