Hopeful

Things change. All the time. I'm aware of this and yet I'm also aware that some things stay the same no matter what. No matter how much you want them to change or no matter how many years pass.

Saturday I'll travel home to Michigan to spend Christmas with my family. This year will be different. My dad's parents have moved from the house they've lived in just blocks from my parents to an apartment an hour away. My mom's mother has been in a nursing home for the entire year. Last year Christmas was spent at both grandparent's homes. This year things will be very different.

As my life changes day in and day out, as I grow and work toward my career as a writer and educator, I realize that no one else stays the same. People grow up, people move, people get sick and have to have others take care of them. But it doesn't make it any easier. I am grateful to be able to spend time with the people I love, no matter where they are however, I'm also grateful for memories of Christmases past and time spent together under different circumstances.

My grandmother is having a hard time staying in the present. She's remembering things from long ago and sometimes I wonder if this isn't how the brain helps us cope. Her reality is a small room shared with another woman, a wheelchair and illness. Last year her reality was her house and walking, even if it was slowly. There are moments when I think about this and it's all I can do not to break down in sobs. However, there are also moments when I remind myself that my grandma is being taken care of and loved and that in three days I will get to hug her and see the smile on her face.

Christmas is such a time of hope. But it's also a time of change. When that little baby who would change the world was born, most people didn't realize what was happening. But what would transpire because of that one baby's birth...it's amazing to think about. Literally amazing (causing sudden wonder). So this Christmas, as I prepare myself for the baby's birth and the excitement of going home for the holidays amidst all the change, I'm thinking about all that change is, all that it can be, and all that it creates. And I'm hopeful. So very hopeful.