Saturday, June 28, 2008

Eastside update





I am here, in Michigan. I've been here for eleven days now and I know, I know, I haven't blogged but I have a perfectly good reason. I'm on vacation!

It's been great, I've finally relaxed and started sleeping well, and sleeping in. I've finished one novel and am over half-way done with another. I've been playing in the garden a lot, going to nurseries, learning about flowers and trees and planting. In fact, tonight we planted five rose bushes who's names are Shockwave, Scarlett, Rainbow Sorbet, Chihuly, and Iceberg. The front yard is looking good!

I've also been spending some time with friends which has been such a blessing. This week I had dinner in Kalamazoo with Leslie and Sara. It was one of those great night where before I knew it, hours had passed, like over five hours. It was as if the past year, or even two, hadn't happened, we'd never been away. It was what coming home should be.

Then Thursday I met my friend Erika and we spent the day at the mall, browsing clothes, makeup, books, and talking. Talking about health, life, work, family, everything and anything. And especially Juno. It was great.

Yesterday I got to play golf, finally, and shot a 99. I beat my dad on the first nine then my game fell apart a little. But it was good to get out their and swing the clubs and focus only on my next shot for a few hours. Then last night I went to my first Olivet College Alumni event which just happened to also be my first Tigers game in Comerica Park. It was a beautiful night and I had such a great time with my friend Angel, which is why I really went, to hang out with her. Again, it was like time hadn't passed, in that good way. It's so great to spend time with people who know you, know your stories and who can share your history. It was also great to walk down memory lane and talk about all those things I did and people I knew nine, ten years ago.

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks so far. This week will hopefully be a little quieter, not so much travel for me. I plan to finish the John Grisham book I'm reading, so I can go out and buy that new Meg Cabot book. I want to see a few movies and spend some time with my grandparents. Oh, and find a job hopefully. But I'm not stressing. God has a plan for me, I know it.

On the Los Angeles front, several updates: one, I did not get the job I interviewed with. Too many qualified candidates, yada yada. In hindsight, I think it's for the best, it might have been a lot of work along with school. Also, my professional program has just started a listserve (an email sent out with announcements every few days) I'm pretty excited about. It lists activities and opportunities and tells about what grads of the program are up to. And can I just say that today's announcement included two sales by program grads and two movies being filmed by program grads. I think that bodes well for me! I am excited!!!

I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few days and I've come up with a couple of ideas, dare I say, life views I am going to try and hold on to as I go through this next new adventure:

1. To steal a quote from Juno, "I don't really know what kind of girl I am" - I love this. I love how she delivers the line and how she truly means it with all she is and isn't. I love that this line was written by a twenty-nine year old screenwriter who has recently done what I want to do: tell a great story, very well, to a lot of people. While I certainly don't know what kind of girl I am yet, I am having a great time figuring it out.

2. I like me and I think it's important to make sure that I let that show in how I dress, how I treat myself, and how I treat others. I want to make time for what's important in my life, and those who are important. And if I don't want to do something, I'm not going to waste this very valuable commodity of time that I have!

3. Life is great! Bring it on, everything and anything. I am expecting great things and I know, WITHOUT A DOUBT, that I'm going to get them!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

We made it!

Whew - it has been a day and it's only the afternoon (well, after 5 but I have no idea what time zone I'm feeling right now). Angela and I made it to Chicago, our plane was even half an hour early! Which was amazing considering how things had gone all day.

Our AWESOME friend Linda picked us up very early (especially since she's on vacation too, thank you again Linda), at 5:55am, and we were at the airport in Yuma by 6:15. Plenty of time for our 7am flight (in Yuma, the airport doesn't even open 2 hours before the first flight so those airline recommendations don't mean much) except that our flight didn't take off at 7am. We still aren't sure what happened but they ended up running two shuttles to Phoenix and we got on the 7:30, which wasn't bad since it was a jet and it took only 25 minutes to get us there and when we left the 7:00 flight was still waiting for clearance to take off. Crazy. However, we had to wait in Phoenix on the ground, of course, and we got off the plane 8 minutes before our flight to Chicago was to take off. We know the rule about being on board 15 minutes prior to take off but we decided to run through the airport anyway. We had planned to look for the golf cart shuttle but seeing none, and since we had our tennis shoes on, we literally ran, bags and all. And we got to our gate 3 minutes before take off. Thankfully the nice people working the check in opened the door for us, and several others, and let us on! WOO HOO!

Can I just say that while our flight attendant from Yuma to Phoenix had diarrhea of the mouth (she started talking to a woman about how much her job/the airline sucks and didn't quit until after we landed), the staff on the Chicago flight was awesome. They were so nice and helpful, it really was a pleasant experience.

So we made it, and all our luggage made it, and we took a $40 cab ride to our hotel blocks from the Diamond Headache Clinic so Ang is all set to get to her appointment in the morning. My parents are driving over now and should be here in a few hours. Just in time for us to eat again. The first thing we did after checking into our room was run over to Chipolte for food but that will not be enough for the night (I announced to Ang that travel days are points-optional days, I'm eating healthy but by golly if I'm hungry, I'm eating!). Then we went to Borders where I found the book, Meg Cabot's Queen of Babble in the Big City, I've been waiting for and now I'm going to read. (Yes, I have 3 other books in my luggage but I'm still going to read this chick lit novel first! John Grisham can wait a few more days.) Ang is asleep, her sinus/ear infection has worn her out and she has a bit of a migraine from traveling.

Alright, that's it from the Windy City for now. Yes, it is in fact windy, we had a lot of turbulence coming in, so much so that I felt queasy. Oh, and a tip to those of you flying US Airways in the future. They are no longer serving snacks of any kind, that's right no more peanuts or even that oh so not good soy snack, and as of August 1st they will be charging $2 for beverages. Any beverage, including water. Gotta love flying the friendly skies.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

My Dad

One of my most cherished memories of spending time with my dad was one night when he was driving me back to college, after a weekend at home. We were nearing Olivet (it was an hour's drive from Howell) and we were having this great conversation. He asked me what I was going to do once I graduated. I admitted to him that I didn't know and I remember being really scared to say that out loud. His response? "I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up," he said and went on to tell me about all the things he still wanted to do with his life. That has stayed with me, that moment and I think about it all the time. And I'm thankful that I have a father who encourages me to be my own person, even if I have no idea what that means from day to day.

My dad is amazing. He really is, ask just about anyone who knows him. He's taught me how important relationships are throughout life, mostly by the way he treats his own. He loves to talk on the phone (which is funny because he doesn't really like to call people, weird, I know) and one of my favorite things to do is call him in the middle of the day when he's at work. We'll talk, about anything and everything, and just make sure we're caught up on each other's lives.

My dad is also smart. He is our family's resident Trivial Pursuit champion and he knows just about anything (ask Ang, she calls him from Arizona and asks him for directions, and even though he's only been here twice, he'll have the answer for her). He's also hard-working. He went into the Air Force at age 17, then when he got out he went to work. It wasn't until well after I was around that he had the opportunity to go to college, and I can still remember going to his graduation, Angela and I in our new dresses, so proud of our daddy, the college graduate.

My dad is the one who stayed up until after midnight with me every night, helping me pass my AP American History class, quizzing me on facts and helping me to understand. He's the one who went on the class field trips and always got stuck with all the rowdy boys and loved every minute. He's the one who stood outside in below-freezing temperatures, directing traffic for my high school choral festival. He's the one who came to every single golf match I ever had, in high school and college. Even my last match, that he told me he couldn't make it to because it was at St. Mary's in Indiana. I remember being okay with that, although certainly disappointed. However, when he showed up, having driven for hours in the rain to be there, I remember feeling so lucky, so special. That's the kind of dad he is. He makes me feel like I am the most important person in the world.

My dad volunteers for any and every single job at church, he puts the sprinkles on the Christmas cookies, he puts clean sheets on my bed before I come home, he cries at sporting event on TV, he steps up when no one else wants to, he joined a writing group last year, he teaches Bible studies and Sunday school, his favorite Johnny Cash song is Boy Named Sue, he likes scary movies, he loves to read, he's really, really good at crossword puzzles, he's lost a lot of good friends in the past few years, he loves cookies and those candied orange slices my grandma keeps in the candy jar just for him, he likes talk radio, he's been known to yell at people who get him angry, he listens to me talk for hours on end, he saved up for a few years to get his new golf clubs, and he will do anything, absolutely anything, for my mom, my sister and I. He is simply amazing.

Dad, I love you. And I can't wait to see you on Tuesday night!

Only the beginning




(Photos: 1 - Sylvia who retired as an aide at CRMS this year and Cinthia, Ang's team's science teacher. 2 - Me and Jake, Kristina's husband who teaches Special Ed at the new high school. 3 - Cindy, Linda, who taught Special Ed at CRMS this year but are moving to the elementary school next year and me. 4 - Kristina, Ang's team's math teacher, and Ang. 5 - Olga, my team's social studies teacher, Jim and Debi Prickett, Debi is Ang's team's other language arts teacher. We all celebrated the last day of school Thursday with lunch (and drinks!) at Chili's!)

"There comes a point you think is the end, but it is only the beginning." - Louis L'Amour

I'm not a fan of goodbyes, I'm not sure anyone is. I cry, then when I see other people crying, I cry more, I think life will never be the same, and guess what? I'm usually right. But here's another thing I've learned, while life will never be the same without the people you say goodbye too - it will continue and it might even be better than if you had never met those people you're saying goodbye too.

The school year is over, we finished up with a half-day Thursday. And it went really well, the kids had fun, I had fun, I signed shirts and yearbooks and took pictures, watched kids do cartwheels in the hall (shhh! don't tell my boss!), got and gave tons of hugs, and really just enjoyed my last few minutes with my 100+ students. I thought I might be more emotional, last year my kids were, I had a lot of tears shed in my room. This year there weren't many until the very end of the day. And then I did tear up as I waved to the kids hanging out the bus windows. And here's something I thought was pretty cool: as the bus drivers pulled out of the parking lot they honked their horns, continually, I just thought that was a very happy, positive way to end the year. And we teachers stood there waving at everyone. Very cool.

And it's over. We got all checked out at school (it took a while, there's always extra crap they throw in at the last possible second), and then headed to lunch to celebrate with our friends. We had an awesome time, mixing school talk with conversations on everything under the sun. Then we headed back to school to help our friends Kristina and Cinthia move into their new rooms. Lots of change happening around here. And at five o'clock when Ang and I walked out of Crane Middle School for the very last time I couldn't help but get a little misty-eyed again. I've spent a lot of time there in the past two years. A LOT of time. I've cried, I've laughed, I've loved, I've made amazing friends, I've yelled, I've taught, and most of all, I've grown. I think that's the best part. I've become a different, I hope better, person.

So it's the end and it's the beginning. I'm done being a seventh grade language arts teacher. For now (never say never I've learned). And I'm so glad I took the job. I'm so glad I let those kids and all these people into my life. And most of all, right now, at least for a few more days, I'm glad it's over. I'm worn out but in a good way. The way you get when you have accomplished something pretty darn good.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Things I want to remember from today



- How very important it feels to do a job and do it well and be done with it. For example, getting 30 lockers cleaned out.
- Jesus' smile when I call him out on any number of things he does.
- The moment when Olga, my teammate and friend, handed my a Willow Tree angel and wished me a great life, hugging me with tears in her eyes.
- Writing notes to about twenty of my co-workers, telling them how much I appreciated sharing the past two years with them.
- Calling out the names of my golfers and awarding them medals in an assembly of about 900 students and teachers, and congratulating them on an awesome season!
- Having Anissa, a student of mine last year, knock on my door and tell me she wanted to give me a hug and tell me goodbye. She's this tough girl, with an eyebrow ring, gangster look, and yet she wrote in my yearbook that she's going to keep writing. Too cool.
- Getting a group hug from Clarissa, Lily, and Eric, students from last year who yelled how much they'll miss me.
- Having Kristina and Linda gather in my room just to hang out, I will miss that - more than they know.
- Laughing at the goodbye staff meeting, getting two hats - one that says "detective" and the other that says "party animal" and hearing how much they appreciate all the "hats" I have worn over the past 360+ days I've worked at Crane Middle School.
- Cynthia Norman, a great friend, hugging me as we left and telling me, through tears, that I am a good person.
- Elizabeth putting quarters in the "college fund" piggy bank I also got at the party, so I won't forget her.
- Having Linda tell me she just isn't saying goodbye to me. I like that because I don't like goodbyes.
- Eating a Snickers ice cream bar and getting chocolate all over me, even on my bangle bracelets.
- Getting a hug from my boss who told me, sincerely, that she would miss me. That's big because sometimes I didn't always feel that way.
- Staring at Luis and Ricardo's baby sister, born Saturday, and being thanked by their parents. It's pretty cool to know that as teachers, we've made such an impact on a family that they want to share these good things with us.
- Looking out at the 40-some people I've worked with for two years and thinking that I will truly miss them.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

A very cool thing

Do you ever have one of those days where there's a real struggle between good and evil? Where you can almost feel the fight around you. A good thing happens and boom! a bad thing comes right on it's heels. But then sometimes a good thing happens again to make the bad thing move away from the front of your mind for a little while. Yesterday a very cool thing happened that made some of the bad things seem a little further away and less important.

John McBride is a teacher at Crane and he runs a very cool program called Turning Point that takes in students who have had severe academic and discipline problems. He teaches them every subject and in addition, he helps them to grow up. And one of the best parts is they do. I have several students in John's program and they've all either changed significantly or in some small way that shows they are on their way. While Turning Point is a Crane program, it's separate from our school and of course, as always, there were budget cuts this year, and try as he might, John couldn't save the program he has dedicated his life to. He's a guy who puts his money and time where his mouth is, a former Marine who doesn't give these kids an inch and who gets results. He takes the kids none of us can handle (or frankly, don't want to handle anymore) and he works with them - often one-on-one. And he created a cycling program to keep them motivated. And it worked. They bike miles, they bike inside in stationary programs, they bike in 112 degree temperatures, they get run over by other cyclists (it's true, I saw it happen, one kid went down and John, not wanting to wreck brand-new two thousand dollar rims, rode right over the kid). And they love it. It's a very cool thing.

And yesterday, they got a call from Jenny Jones, the former talk show host, and she awarded John a $25,000 grant to continue his cycling program. He's going back into the traditional classroom at Crane next year but he'll still work with intervention kids and keep his program going after school. Click on the link above and read all about it - John's picture, with his kids, is on the front page of the Yuma Sun today. Very cool indeed. And standing next to him and three of my kids, kids who no longer sit in my classroom every day but kids who were once mine and who now are doing pretty darn well in John's program. I can't think of anything better today. I really can't. God bless public school teachers. Seriously.

Monday, June 09, 2008

The big envelope

It's what every college applicant waits anxiously for. Mine just came a month or two late. Yes, I was accepted into Cal State Northridge's Masters of Screenwriting program. And yes, today I sent them my own rejection letter. I'm going to be a UCLA Bruin (a bear), not a CSUN Matador. But it still feels nice to be accepted, and to do the rejecting this time around.

I am excited about grad school, I really am. I'm excited to write more, to be forced to write (yes, even though I LOVE writing, I still need that external motivation of a deadline), and to learn more about this craft. My kids ask me every day where I'm going and I explain, every day, I'm moving to Los Angeles to try and become a screenwriter. Today they drew pictures of me on the board, directing. One even had me yelling, "Cut, cut, she's dead!" with an actress lying near me (with a megaphone). Yes, I'm trying to bottle their creativity to take with me. They began asking for my autograph today, which I happily supplied, and asking me to put them in my movies. I tell them I will try my best, not having the energy or desire to break their little hearts already by explaining that it will be unlikely that I will ever be in that particular position. Ah, to be young and innocent!

Also, for those of you following my writing career that's been flourishing here in my bedroom/office, I think I'm going to rewrite my screenplay with the lead being an older woman. Yes, I know! Big change! But it came to me last night as I lay in bed (I work really well late at night, my mind never shuts down) and I am excited by this prospect. BUT I WILL FINISH THE NOVEL FIRST! I promise myself that. Big things are in store for my five deployment "widows".

Okay, enough writing about writing, I think I'll get a few paragraphs in before I get lazy and head off to watch John Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Nation, good things are ahead! And I think it all starts with a big envelope.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

The Last Friday

Tomorrow's it. The last Friday of school. The last time I will give a spelling test (until of course I get roped into visiting Ang's classroom or something). The last time I will hear, have a good weekend Ms. Knapp (of course, one of my precious darlings says this every day, and then says, oh right! it's not Friday - gotta love seventh graders). The last time I'll go to Lute's downtown after school with everyone (even Shannon!) and hang out and complain about my job.

But things are good. I'm having fun talking with the kids while they work on projects. And I'm packing up my room and organizing which I love. And today, during my team meeting, my team praised me for all the work I did for them this year which was a big surprise. We've had a long, rough year and to hear from colleagues that they appreciate you is a very cool thing.

Tomorrow I have my phone interview, and I'm sending out applications for more jobs in LA. I'm looking forward to next Friday when the only thing on my agenda is a 10am massage and the first day of summer vacation.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Monday musings

Are you ever really tired but just don't want to waste time sleeping? That's how I am feeling right now. I slept a long time Saturday night - Sunday morning and then Sunday went by in a blur and now it's Monday night and I'm exhausted but I just want to do stuff. It was a good weekend and all but still, I want to be busy, I want to be proactive. And I want to write. But life keeps getting in the way.

Some life stuff of late:
- The Red Wings lost in 2nd overtime tonight to the Penguins. So we'll go through this again Wednesday and I'll save my t-shirt until Thursday. Come on Detroit, we want another Cup!

- We went to the semi-annual sale at Bath & Body Works today and got a bunch of soap and stuff. At regular price it range up at $99.60. We paid $33.50. Rock on sales!

- There are eight days left of school and it's getting harder to be patient and keep the kids quiet and busy. But we're managing. And I'm trying to enjoy my time with them and my co-workers.

- I've seen my share of movies lately. They include: "What Happens in Vegas" which was funnier than I expected. I went because I just love Ashton Kutcher. But it was totally worth the five bucks. Then we saw "Sex and the City" yesterday. SO SO SO GOOD. Honestly one of the best movies I've seen in a long, long time. I laughed, cried, and loved seeing some old friends make the switch from small to big screen really well. And can I just say, I was one of the youngest people in the theater by about 30 years and I thought that was pretty cool because everyone seemed to like the movie. Recent Netflix include: "American Gangster" which started on a confusing note but picked up and was a great story, and not nearly as violent as an average episode of "The Sopranos". Also, "The Savages," an interesting character-driven piece about dealing with an aging parent. I've decided I really like Phillip Seymour Hoffman and he did well in this flick.

- And last but not least, I have my first L.A. interview on Friday. It's with a charter school as a Professional Development Coordinator and the principal said she was really excited by my resume. I'm really excited about the prospect of another paycheck after June 20th, my last from Crane. So here's hoping!

- Okay, I am going to bed now. I am tired and want to write but chose the excitement of ice hockey instead and now I must get my beauty sleep!!!!

Saturday, May 31, 2008

This one was a crier

I had my second parent meeting of the week yesterday afternoon. Yes, there are nine days left of school and yes, all of a sudden people care. Parents and students. But what I thought would be a hostile meeting turned out to be more like a therapy session.

I have a student who came to me from Angela mid-year. Ang realized that she was "too high" to stay in intervention. She was the second student I got from Ang, the first worked out very well. He came, he started getting As, he never said a word. Then came the girl. First day, she started giving me attitude. She stirred up trouble in the class, she refused to work, she wouldn't stop talking, she chewed gum constantly. When I gave her detention, she skipped. I called home and things got a little better attitude-wise. But she wouldn't turn in any work.

She failed tests, she never did homework, etcetera etcetera, and squeaked by with a D. Not so this quarter. Thus Mom coming in. And before I could even set down yesterday, Mom was crying. There's a divorce, a move to Nevada, and a defiant thirteen-year-old who's died her hair black, gets pornographic emails, etcetera etcetera. This is not the little girl this mother raised. And so we talked (well I talked, it was translated, mom talked, it was translated). More tears, from both mother and daughter. And we left with her thinking about doing some make-up work for my class. But I stressed to her that as a teenager, she gets to make the choice and decide if it's a good or a bad choice. We'll see come Monday what she decides.

Another first yesterday - the first time I've ended a parent meeting getting hugged by a parent. Mom just seemed at her wits end but I am hoping, in some small way, we helped her, the two other teachers and I who sat there in that meeting. But, as it is with all my kids, I'll probably never know. I wonder, as I look out at my 90-some-odd students, what they'll be in ten years, fifteen years. Will they be okay, normal adults living normal lives? Will they be gang bangers and drug runners? Will they be alive or in jail? Will they be the spectacular human beings I tell them every day they can be? God, I pray so. Literally.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Parents Just Don't Understand

I know, I know, I am not a parent. I don't claim to be nor do I claim to know anything about raising a child to the age of thirteen. However, I do know something about seventh graders as I have spent a good chunk of my life with them for the past two years. And I know a thing or two about how seventh graders think, and how public schools run. And if you are a parent, I beg you to consider that not all seventh graders are perfect angels and that it might not be the teacher's fault when your kid screws up.

Yeah, today was one of those days. I wanted to take a personal day. I wanted to be home writing my novel and walking with my iPod on and making a healthy dinner but no, I went to work. I went to work because I am a good employee and I knew there would not be enough substitute teachers today. Surprise! I was right.

And during the course of my day I had two sets of parents show up at the school demanding to see me and my team of teachers. Now, please, parents, think this through if you ever want to talk to a teacher. Guess what we are doing in the middle of the day...TEACHING YOU CHILD. Yep, yep, we can't just sneak out for a meeting. And certainly not six teachers at once.

One mom rescheduled until Friday. It doesn't help that she doesn't speak English so I couldn't talk to her while she was standing there in the office, I've called home three times for her daughter who's failing, and this morning her precious one told me she doesn't know why she hasn't turned in her poetry book. She just doesn't care. Yeah. Did I mention we turn grades in on Monday? As in five days from now? Yeah. Good time to call for a meeting with your kid's teachers. Eleven days before the end of the school year.

The other parents refused to leave until we met with them. So they waited, over an hour. And on our prep my team met with them. And told them the same thing we've told them at several other meetings: we don't know what to do either. You kid is smart, very smart. But he's a kid, an immature, little kid. Seriously folks, I can only do so much, I cannot parent your child as well.

From my short tenure in the classroom I've seen a lot of parents who seem very unequipped to do their job, to parent a teenager. And it's sad. A lot of them are younger than me, and I KNOW I couldn't do it. That's why I don't have a teenager.

So yeah, it was a long day. A day capped off by a grading session during which I discovered one of my students had plagiarized poems in her book. Yeah, Chris Brown doesn't get by me, no seventh grader writes poems that sound like multi-platinum hit songs. Thank goodness for google.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Crazy weather but I love it!



UPDATE: Angela and I just got back from Mexico where we had a great lunch with our friend Gume. He's the waiter at the restaurant in the middle of the square we always eat at. He's always our waiter, not sure how that happens but today he was in rare form. When we left Gume stood on the chair to shake our hands, yes, we're giants, we know. Also, Ang was not impressed because today the refried beans had red peppers in them. I, however, enjoyed it because I got to eat her beans in addition to mine! Yay for me!

After lunch we visited our friends who sell pottery in the alley. They are excited because they just moved next door to a new building (I guess it's a building, it has walls and a ceiling but no floor or door). The wife gave us a great deal on a bowl and a gift. I got a fluted bowl to match my little salsa bowls (see above), I think it's big enough for chips. So who's coming over for dinner?!?!

After we said goodbye to the pottery family (not their real name), we wandered down the streets in search of the giant circular pink and turquoise wall hanging Angela remembered from last year and wanted for our move. We finally found the marketplace (we didn't find it last time so this in itself was a feat) but sadly, no wall hanging. But it's possible she made it better and better in her mind and the ones we saw just couldn't live up to the memory. There was a pushy shopkeeper there so we moved on. We wandered by a Mexican park and got some looks as we're queras (white girls) and we had veered off the beaten track. But the locals had some great smelling taco trucks and it was cool (low 70s) so everyone was out and about and it was just a nice day to walk.

Before we hit "the line" we stopped at the infamous purple pharmacy (they make their own commercials that are just terrible but ABC shows them anyway). We picked up vanilla for mom and us and of course, I got a liter of coca light. I love my coca light!

It took us just 25 minutes to cross the border today, not bad at all considering we've waited up to four hours before. We had our passports today and they swiped them and let us through with barely a glance. Guess queras are not dangerous looking. At least not these two.

So yep, three hours and five dollars to park and we are back in the good old US of A.

I don't think it can get any better than this. Last night we slept with the windows open. Yes, in Yuma, Arizona. In late May. I KNOW! It's crazy. Average highs are usually in the upper 90s to 110 degrees right now, not low 60s. It rained yesterday, actually pourred, several times. There was a mud slide out on one of the major roads it rained so much - a whole 0.03 inches. I know, it's not Michigan.

The weather's on schedule to return to normal by Tuesday but right now it's gorgeous here. Oh yeah, and it's been snowing in Flagstaff. Crazy I tell ya!

Right this very moment life is good. I am excited about the move and school and most of all Los Angeles. I'm very excited to be going home to Michigan in 23 days to see everyone. And we only have 13 days of school left. I just might make it.

Not sure what we're going to do this weekend. We might go to Algodones, Mexico today because of the cool weather. We've been wanting to go just to look around, especially at the pottery and usually it's unbearably hot by the time we head back to get in line at the border. Other than that I'm just going to enjoy these next three days, you should do the same!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Patience

Patience is a hard thing for me. I want what I want when I want it. That's the truth sad as it might be.

Being a seventh grade teacher in May requires a lot of patience I don't have. And yet I am the adult, "the one in control of the room" (as I told one group of students today), and I have to dig deep and find that patience.

Today I got pulled into Angela's room because team Europe was having some student difficulties and I was on my prep. This is not unusual, we try to help each other out - if the teachers didn't stick together this place might literally fall apart. And I was in the room trying to get some students to do their job and one student in particular was having a rough time. Angela asked me to help him because she couldn't deal with him right then, they had decided they were both angry at each other. So I went over and asked what his question was. We talked for a minute or two and I felt like pulling my eyeballs out of the sockets, it might have been less excruciating then trying to get through to this kid. And then I saw the look on his face. Despite the fact that he's a HUGE behavior problem every SINGLE day, and despite the fact that he has been known to nearly sexually harass students and teachers, and despite the fact that I wanted to be in my silent room alone at the moment, I saw that he needed help. He truly wasn't getting this question on this test. So I slid down the wall, sat on a pile of books and tried again. And this time he got it.

Let me tell you, if there's only one reason why God sent me to Crane Middle School it must have been to teach me patience.

Other than that life is okay. I'm starting to wake up thinking of the fact that I don't have a job yet for August (luckily I get "paid" through July), that we don't have an apartment yet, and I really don't want to go to school. And yet, there are some happy things in my days.

Last night we played our last golf match and my team did awesome! I had a kid come in with a 34 (on a par 3 course! AWESOME!) and we had all our kids do great. We won't know for a day or two if we've won the championship since one of the teams was phoning in their scores from their home course (whatever) but we feel like victors and that's what counts.

Ang and I had a great Saturday, we ate at the garden cafe which I love and went shopping. I put a little of that stimulus check back into the economy, just doing my part for America nation! (I love how Stephen Colbert calls his audience "nation"! Love love love it!) The garden cafe is this rockin' restaurant downtown Yuma that I sadly only just discovered in April. If you're ever here in the "winter" - go visit. I wanted to write about food on Saturday but never got around to it. The food there was so great, all fresh fruits and veggies and breads and this AMAZING coconut cake. And I didn't feel guilty eating it which was new for me. I'm not losing weight as fast as I'd like but I am loving the new dress I got on Saturday regardless. (Ang says it's very Sex and the City though I am NOT wearing stilettos with it!)

Guess that's all for now, I'm going to keep working on my patience. Any suggestions?

Sunday, May 11, 2008

My Mom




My mom is amazing and I cannot imagine having grown up with anyone else but here helping me to become the person I am today. I know God has a plan for everyone and everything and I am so blessed that my plan included Christina Ann MacDonald Knapp giving birth to me.

My mom likes to remind people that she was "the meanest mom on the block" (I am pretty sure I never uttered those words - that's all her) and you know what, she was and she wasn't. She was mean if you consider mean to be someone who has expectations she expects you to follow at all times. She taught me to be strong, to be fair, and most of all, to be loving.

Here's a woman who went to work simply so her children could have the things she didn't. She walked to work so we could save money to go on a vacation. She made homemade dinners and took us to the library and impressed upon me the importance of helping everyone.

She's amazing. She gives 110% at work and then comes home and starts her day all over again. She cooks for people who need food, she takes care of my five grandparents, she loves baseball and hockey and will listen to me every time I call to complain or cry. She makes homemade strawberry jam and loves camping. She taught me it's okay to stay in your nightgown until after noon. She reads every single piece of the newspaper. She has given me everything I've ever needed and more. But most of all she's given me her love. She's taught me to be independent and smart and careful. She's taught me to live by a budget but to live the life I want. She's taught me to care for others but also for myself. And everyday, she continues to be this amazing example of a Christian woman I am so grateful to have had in my life for thirty years.

Thank you mom. I love you.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Tidbits

It was a good, although very busy week. We played our first official golf match Monday and my kids did great! They came in second by only one stroke so we have motivation this week! It was a fun match, we had rain and thunder and hail (yes, HAIL, in YUMA!) before we started but then the sun came out and it was actually pleasant to be outside. I walked the whole course, pulling my cooler, delivering water to the kiddos. Also, we had a ton of parents come out and walk the course with their golfers. One family even brought their three month old in a stroller, and their five year old, and just trailed their son - very cool!

It's been a very active week at school - we're getting ready for end-of-the-year assessments so I've been testing my kids' reading fluency speeds with daily three-minute drills which they've really gotten used to. We're also doing arts and crafts, aka poetry books. They've all written 29 various poems which they have to include in their book with a glossary of terms. This is worth 400 points (a totally random number I came up with) and they cannot pass our class without turning it in. We've been writing poems for over six weeks so it's a pretty big deal. I have a feeling there will be a few who don't turn one in and I have to steal myself to make those parent calls. Ah, parent calls, I had a rather unpleasant one this week. It's always fun to have a parent call you and yell at you rudely for treating their child horribly, because of course, as teachers, we treat all children horribly, we hate children, etc., etc. That's exactly why I work ten hour days trying to educate said children. Whatever.

Let's see, what else? Wednesday I actually got time to work in my classroom during the workday. This never happens. We've been having meetings and professional development every Wednesday (our kids go home two and a half hours before we do) since I can remember. So that was a nice change. I think I'm finally getting caught up from being gone on jury duty. Thank goodness!

Last night Ang and I saw Baby Mama, the new Tina Fey/Amy Poehler movie. It was very funny, well done and we saw it downtown for only $5 which was nice, with only four other people in the theater.

And then this morning Ang and I played golf at Mesa del Sol golf course with two guys from work. We had been asked to play in this charity outing benefiting a local child who has cancer. Our principal asked us to play, the school was going to get sponsors to show our school's support. With an entry fee of $500 per foursome, I was all for it! It was a beautiful day here, 68 when we got there and up to 96 by noon. They gave our impressive goodie bags (including my very own Sarah Farms t-shirt, I am pretty excited!), gave us a good Mexican lunch, and supplied breakfast and drinks all day. And it set me back only $4 for a bucket of balls this morning. Well worth it. Plus we had a lot of fun; we all played about the same and I had a lot of good shots. I even made a birdie on my own (it was a scramble) by hitting a tee shot on a par three about eighteen inches from the pin. Someday I'll get that hole-in-one, I will I will!

So those are just some tidbits from my week. I think things are going to go pretty fast from here on out. I give all you moms out there a hearty thank you from this particular kid because frankly, moms rock! All of you!

Sunday, May 04, 2008

UCLA here I come!

It's official folks, I'm going to UCLA in the fall.

I'm pretty excited. Nervous, sure, but excited. Way more excited than scared. At least I think so! Friday night when I got home from jury duty there it was: a large envelope. Yes, I'd already been rejected by UCLA once but that was the MFA program. Apparently I'd been accepted into their professional screenwriting program. All I had to do was sign the paperwork and send them a deposit. (I was glad not to have to resend all my supporting materials.)

So that's it, I'm enrolled. I think it's going to be a great opportunity. It's a year-long program, three quarters - fall, winter, and spring - from September to June. It's two nights a week, there's a lecture class and then a small group-type of class. At the end I'll get a certificate (there's even a ceremony) and walk away with two completed feature-length screenplays which is exactly what I want and need to break into this business.

So here we go folks, Ang is working on finding a school somewhere near UCLA (which is close to Beverly Hills if that helps you to locate it on the map) and I've been looking for apartments. Wish me luck!!!

Saturday, May 03, 2008

The Jury is In...Finally!

Three weeks, three full notebooks, eleven new friends, it's been quite an experience. And now that the admonition has been lifted, I can talk about it all. Not that anyone outside of the courtroom I've been in for three weeks really cares (and frankly a lot of us in that courtroom didn't care too much either).

I was Juror #4 on a civil case, a lawsuit, between a homeowners' association (a HOA as I quickly found out) and a developer. The HOA sued the developer because the condos built in the neighborhood did not look exactly like the condos that had been there for the past thirty years. They have been in litigation for over three years and as of last night, they could be in litigation for a while longer.

I haven't seen the condos in question because we were barred for going to the neighborhood however I have seen hundreds of photos. So many that by the end of the trial when the attorneys were quizzing various witnesses on which were old condos and which were new, I had the answer before the witness. In fact, I knew all the answers by that point, we all did. I was amazed by how much time was spent going over the same questions, over and over and over.

All through the trial we, as a jury talked, we talked about the evidence, we talked about the witnesses, we talked about the lawyers' haircuts and skirts, we talked about who we thought was lying and who we thought was telling the truth. We talked about our families, about where we were going for lunch, about what we'd seen on TV the night before, and what we did at our jobs. Within a very short period of time we knew a lot about each other. That was the great part about this whole experience.

It was also interesting seeing the inner workings of the legal system, especially when you combine personalities and real people's lives. There were times when the judge had to remind the attorneys to keep their tempers in check, there were times when the lawyers stumbled over their words, when the judge seemed to fall asleep, when the bailiff had to tell the plaintiff not to mumble curse words that the jury could hear, when the judge who had a habit of rocking back and forth in his chair nearly knocked down the flag behind him.

While it wasn't as exciting as most episodes of Law & Order, it did have a few moments. I liked watching the faces of the plaintiffs when a witness would get up on the stand and tell a story that completely contradicted what they had testified too. It was a game we played to keep ourselves awake, who's telling the truth today and who's not quite remembering it all. Then there was the moment, a week ago Thursday when the plaintiff rested and the defense attorney stood up and asked the judge for a direct verdict. That was the moment, had this been a movie, when every head in the courtroom would have swiveled around and said, "What?!?!?!" The jury was ushered out quickly and that afternoon the defense began. There would be no direct verdict for us, no matter how much we hoped and prayed at lunch that day.

We started as a jury of 12 but then Thursday morning we were reduced to 11. Juror #5 who sat next to me the entire time went to the hospital with a possible heart attack. He has severe back problems but had been managing his pain well and was very intent on doing his civic duty. Friday morning he called our bailiff and begged to come back in to finish the job. She couldn't allow him to do that but she did let us know he was doing well (blood pressure medicine snafu) and wanted to tell us how glad he was to have met us all. On Friday another juror wore a Hawaiian shirt, just like #5 always wore, in honor of him.

On Thursday at 4:30, we were sent in to our room to deliberate. We chose our foreman and we adjourned for the night. On Friday, at 1:30 we began again. Our foreman was a man who works for the federal government and who I bet is very good at his job because he was the best foreman we could have chosen. He wanted everyone to be heard and wanted to make sure we reached a fair decision. Before we began yesterday, he had us do an icebreaker - he had each of us go around the table (there were 11 of us at this point) and talk for 1-2 minutes (we were timed). I thought this was a very cool activity - it allowed for us to talk as a whole group, something that didn't often happen with that many people, and allowed for a little ease in the tension we all felt in wanting the case to be over and to do well at our task.

Then we began deliberating. We had 28 interrogatories to decide. Yes, 28 counts with 2 parts each. It was quite a process. First we did a blind vote and eliminated all those with a majority consensus (we only had to have 8 on one side of the issue to sign off). We didn't have a single count that was unanimous. So we started talking. We argued points of law, we argued emotions and feelings and interpretations. And I was really glad we weren't deciding something really important like life in prison versus the death penalty.

Twenty-five of our counts dealt with changes to the condos and whether or not they were made due to code or some other justifiable reason. We all agreed that each change had indeed been made but then there were a lot of different answers to why they were made. We'd heard from architects, engineers, real estate agents, contractors, builders, etc. and after a while it was hard to remember who said what and why. So we went to our notes. And we talked some more.

As a whole, we agreed that the developers had to make some changes to the buildings. Not all the changes requested by the HOA but a lot of them. Then we had 3 more counts to decide. We had to determine whether the HOA had acted with "unclean hands" - which we thought meant that hadn't been completely upfront with the developer and hadn't acted as fairly as possible when dealing with them. Then we had to determine "estoppel" - which we thought meant that even though the HOA had acted unfairly, the developer still had to make the changes and abide by the HOA's original building plans. Finally, we had to decide if the developer should receive an offset to recoup financial losses and if so, how much.

And then there was a lot more discussion. And we sent questions to the judge to try and figure out what unclean hands and estoppel really meant because we felt the jury directions were unclear. We got answers back an hour later that said reread our directions. Some help he was.

So we made our decision. Eight of us agreed that the HOA had acted with unclean hands and then we decided that that didn't mean they couldn't still enforce their rules. Later, we'd find out that this means we'd "split the baby" - apparently a legal term. We thought we were being fair. Throughout this whole trial I, along with many others, had talked about how we thought that all the parties were of equal fault, if they had all communicated better none of us would be there. So we wanted to make sure they knew our feelings - that we felt they all had played a part in this mess. Thus, we "split the baby" or the blame. Then we awarded an offset to the defendant, in our minds to cover the costs of making the changes we had decided upon. We awarded the developer $60,000. We came at this number several ways: several contractors had testified that it would cost between $16,000 and $20,000 per condo (and there are 3 in question) to make the changes the HOA wanted. Also, the defense had presented $120,000 as the amount that the developer lost during this entire ordeal. So we decided $60,000 would cover the costs of changes (and we knew that the developer, who is a member of the HOA, would pay a portion of this himself so we thought it was fair overall).

At 5:05pm we entered the courtroom for the last time. One juror was almost in tears. She was confused somewhat and didn't think we were being fair to the developer. She thought he shouldn't have to make any changes. While we all respected her right to her opinion, and told her that, we had 8 signatures on the verdict and we were good to go. Others didn't agree and just didn't sign. But we had a majority and that's all we needed. One juror was angry, she felt we were rushing and truth be told, we were. It was 5pm on Friday and everyone wanted to go home. And most of us didn't want to come back Tuesday (there were a few who did but they lost out). We did come up with the dollar amount in less than five minutes but it was a number we'd been talking about for a few days and those of us who signed felt we were doing good by the developer, and again, that we were splitting the blame.

So we went into court and the judge read our verdict. He was confused he said and just needed to check them again to make sure he understood. This is when I first realized something was off. Then he read them into open court - it took over half an hour. And when he got to the unclean hands bit, the plaintiff's attorneys started to react, mildly of course, but you could tell they weren't happy. We thought they'd change their minds when the next verdict was read, the estoppel, but no, they weren't. So then the plaintiff's attorney asked if he could poll the jury. So the judge asked each of us who'd signed if that was indeed our decision. That took some time. And then we were dismissed.

Here's two things I didn't know before my jury duty experience: 1)the court, including the judge, stands for the jury. I didn't think they stood for anyone except the judge. That was kinda cool. And 2)after the case is over, the lawyers want to talk to the jurors and we're allowed to. That was kind of interesting.

So we leave the building and the plaintiffs and their lawyers are waiting for us. The defense is long gone, probably to celebrate we find out later. And here's what we find out from the plaintiff's lawyer: When we handed down the "unclean hands" verdict, the ball game was over. That was apparently the only verdict that matter. Once it's determined that the HOA had unclean hands, they have no right to enforce anything. That means the developer doesn't have to make any of the changes we spent hours debating.

As a jury, we had no idea this verdict was so influential. We even asked for clarification and got none. We thought we were being fair and just by "splitting the baby". Apparently we were not. We essentially told the HOA they were wrong, we told the developer he was right and he could do whatever he wanted to his buildings and the future buildings he'd put up there (he owns 9 more lots in the neighborhood), and we gave the developer $60,000 just for the hell of it.

I was shocked. Four of us stayed around to talk to the lawyers (our foreman got caught right away and I didn't think it was fair for him to have to answer questions about the verdict all alone so I stayed) who were obviously baffled by our decision. Mind you, they had wanted to win outright regardless but once they explained to us what our verdict meant, we were completely shocked. And we told them that. And then we were asked for affidavits to that effect. So it might not be over for me yet. Gotta love civil cases.

Overall, it was an interesting experience. One I am ultimately glad I had. Am I frustrated at how slowly our legal system works? Yes. This case should not have taken this long to get through. It really shouldn't have. And it could have been settled long ago, before the first nail had ever been pounded had the whole group of people done their jobs better. But I met some great folks. I spent a lot of time talking to them. I got to sleep in for 9 days and exercise a lot more than I ever would have had I been going to school. I got money for mileage. I experienced one of Yuma's hidden treasures (the Garden Cafe). And I got a peak into the jury system, which really does seem to be one of the best ways to settle issues. Every single person in that room wanted to do the right thing and ultimately, to the best of ability, I think we did. We took the law, the facts and made a decision. And while everyone can't always get what they want, they did get a resolution.

And now I get to go back to my normal workweek. Pray for me. It's May. And if any of you know anything about school come May, you know what I'm talking about:-)

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Feelin' Good

I have two blisters on my left hand. They are pink and puffy and hurt a lot when I took a shower tonight. But I didn't mind really. Because these blisters mean I'm alive and active and doing stuff. And that's exciting to me. It's just like when my legs ache and my arms are sore after working out. Or when my stomach hurts from laughing too much. It feels good to be alive, to be out in the world.

The blisters appeared after I spent an hour of so hitting golf balls at the range this morning. Ang and I are playing in a charity golf outing in two weekends and decided we needed to practice a bit. Range today, a round next weekend. And the we came home and washed our clubs and washed the patio furniture and swept the patio. That felt good too, getting wet and dirty. And since I already had the sunscreen on (from golfing) I decided to sit outside and read a bit. And a bit turned into over four hours. It was great - seeing the kids from across the way eat popsicles and ride bikes, say hi to neighbors, hear the birds, etc.

All the laundry didn't get done and the bathroom didn't get cleaned and I didn't answer any emails or look for any jobs but guess what - I had a great day. And to me, that's what it's all about!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

The Land of Hope

I feel like blogging even though I don't have much to blog about. I'm still a juror. We're going into our third week and I went into my third pad of notes yesterday. I write basically to stay awake and focused. But the good news is my trusty sub, Ryan, who can handle my children very well, has been there all along and will continue to be so that's awesome.

This week we had to say goodbye to a friend, Julie, who's husband is being transferred to Quantico near D.C. I know the drill, Marine families move all the time, but it doesn't make it any easier. We'll see her again for dinner at the end of May when she comes back through town but it's not the same as seeing her at the Y or going to lunch or hanging out in her pool with her kiddos. Just not the same.

We're still not sure what's going on with the big move. Ang has been applying for teaching jobs, and hearing back that info has been received but still waiting for more news. She's found one school she really likes and is thinking of driving up to L.A. to check it out. I, of course, can't go or I'd be thrown in jail. Yeah, yeah, service to my country, whatever.

However, we got our tickets to go to Michigan in June and we're very excited about that. And I know that whatever happens, we're going to end up exactly where we are meant to be, for "I've pitched my tent in the Land of Hope" (Acts 2:26, the Message). I just hope we have more than a tent to live in when we get there!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Another one bites the dust...

Here's the letter that came in the email at 11:59pm Friday night -

Dear Ms. Knapp:
Thank you for applying to graduate study at UCLA. We regret to inform you that you were not admitted. As you may be aware, UCLA receives many more applications than there are student places available. As in your case, each of these applications is carefully reviewed by departmental faculty committees. In this extremely competitive environment, many talented and promising students are not recommended for admission by these committees.
We understand that this decision is a disappointment. Should you wish to address
specific issues regarding your application, please contact the graduate program
to which you applied. Please accept my best wishes for success in all of your
future endeavors.

Did it break my heart? Yes. Was it completely unexpected. No. Do I have any idea what to do next? Well, I got the letter at 7am this morning and I decided to write. So I finished Molly's part of my novel. Two parts down, three to go. So I guess I'll just keep writing.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

11 new friends

Yes, it's true. I have 11 new friends. My friends and I have spent some serious quality time together this week. Yes, yes, I'm talking about jury duty. I got picked to serve on a jury for a trial that may last 4 more weeks. Yeah, fantastic. I only go Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday but that's enough. The upside is that today I didn't have to report until 9:30, which means I had about 3 extra hours this morning. I got to walk 4 miles, talk to both my mom and dad for a long time, and pick out my clothes in the sunlight while fully awake. So yeah, there's an upside to jury duty. Also, the people I'm working with are very nice which is cool. So I guess there are two upsides (can there be two? I guess so if I say so!).

In other news I am sick, again. I went to PrimeCare last night and got a Z-pack of antibiotics, Allegra D and cough syrup. And I have a toothache which sucks. I don't know if it's sinuses or not so I am going to see if it goes away tomorrow. Go figure, I was just at the dentist last week.

Still no news on the other grad schools but Ang has been applying for jobs which is exciting. It'll help us figure out what areas to look into to find an apartment.

Let's see, what else? Oh yeah, I spent $511 last night. I bought my plane ticket home for vacation this summer. We'll be there for a month! So that's exciting.

Okay, I am going to go watch The Office, laugh, and veg. 'Night all!

Monday, April 14, 2008

A day in the life of me

And oh! What a crazy day it was. It all began when I woke up at the ungodly hour of 4:54am. ONE freaking minute before my alarm was set to ring. I hate when this happens. I don't know why. I know it's only one minute but I feel cheated out of that one minute of sleep. Anyway, I got up, got my butt downstairs and proceeded to walk two miles with my friends on the old VCR while listening to a creative screenwriting podcast Q & A with Michael Moore on his Oscar-nominated film Sicko. Can I just say, "I love Michael Moore!" I loved Sicko and could listen to him talk for hours. And then I went to school.

Things went pretty well. We read and analyzed an Amy Tan essay entitled Fish Cheeks that I really like and I'm not sure the kids really get. But we plodded along. I got to deal with some snotty kids and some funny kids and all in all it pretty good day. We came home, changed into our golf duds (I wore my Tigers hat dad! even if it does have a gang-related D on it!) and headed out to practice.

Practice went well, we had 18 kids show which is great considering we're now meeting on Mondays and we lost our three 8th grade football players. The two pros who worked with the kids today went over etiquette and rules then helped them with grip and hitting. They seemed to love it which was cool to see. And as an added bonus Ang and I got to hang out and talk with another coach and a few parents. It was nice just being the chaperones today. That'll change soon enough.

And then our day got interesting. We left the course at 6:10 and headed toward downtown Yuma. A few weeks ago I got a letter to appear for jury duty and when I called to confirm today they said I did indeed have a trial scheduled so I have to appear at the courthouse tomorrow. Ang said she'd do a dry run with me tonight so I'd know where to park. On the way we decided we were very thirsty (it was 102 degrees this afternoon and our water bottles were empty 20 minutes into the 2 hour practice) so I pulled into the Circle K gas station just down the road from the course, the one next to my dentist office and across from the high school. We went in, got our diet root beers and went up to pay. The guy behind the corner looked at us and just started talking.

He said we should have been there a few hours ago, there'd been a shooting. From what he'd heard a drug deal in the alley gone bad and the guy who'd been shot had made it up to the front of the store. He kept telling us he had to clean up the blood, there'd been no one else to do it apparently. Ang and I didn't know what to say so we just listened, wished him a much better, and safer, night and beat the heck out of there. We jumped in my car and I squealed (yes, there were squeals!) out of there. We did note that the nearby dumpsters had been tagged to let us know which gang's territory we were in, not that it'll help us, but it felt somewhat comforting to know who's backyard we were squealing out of.

So anyway, I found the courthouse and parking lot and then we came home and frosted 60 cupcakes. Our kids are done with the AIMS testing tomorrow and we decided to give them a little good job treat. My sub will get all the glory for the cupcakes since I will be stuck in a courtroom but I am sure they'll still taste as sweet.

So now I am going to bed. I am exhausted, a little sunburned, and sore. I think the minuscule amount of jogging I did yesterday combined with my very bad habit of not stretching enough after working out has caused my legs to stage a protest. Let's just say walking up the stairs tonight was not a pleasant experience.

Oh - and to everyone who's sent encouraging words after my last blog, rest assured. I'm not giving up, it's simply not in me. I'll keep writing, I'll figure something out, I'll try not to make my grandmother cry again (I love you Grandma Cows - Happy Birthday tomorrow!), and I will succeed. That's all there is to it.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

The odds are not looking good...

Two down, two to go. Grad school letters that is. So far I've been rejected from UT Austin and now USC. The USC letter came yesterday. Every day on the way to the mailbox I pray the letters will be there. I pray they'll be acceptances. I prayed yesterday when Ang walked to the box. But the answer to my prayer was not what I'd hoped.

"Dear Ms. Knapp...after careful review of your application and supporting materials, the Admission Committee has asked me to inform you that your application to the Master of Fine Arts program in Writing for Screen and Television for Fall 2008 has not been approved, and we are not able to offer you admission to this program. We understand this must be very disappointing news. Please bear in mind that each year the university receives applications from many more students than it can accommodate. Admissibility is determined by the size of the applicant pool as well as student credentials. Unfortunately, as a result we are not able to offer admission to some students of significant ability and potential." And it goes on and on.... They encourage me to continue toward my educational and professional goals and they wish me luck.

Yeah, luck. Apparently that's what it takes to get into one of these schools. I knew I wasn't going to be a top candidate. I had lower verbal scores on the GRE than I'd have liked, I am older than most of the applicants I'd guess, and I do not have a background in fine arts. But damn it, I wanted this! I wanted one of the best film schools in the country to accept me. I wanted the chance to write all day and study this craft and learn. I've finally figured out something I want to do and now I don't know how to go about it.

At this late date I am guessing that UCLA will be a rejection too. My guess is that they send out acceptance letters first, then the others. And Cal State Northridge won't be deciding till the end of May, said their latest letter. So I don't know what to do now.

I cried yesterday, and again today. I'm frustrated and hurt and angry and disappointed and feeling very rejected. I literally don't know what to do. I'm just starting to get my financial legs under me and I was hoping there'd be student loans at UT or USC. I doubt there will be at the other schools. I started looking for jobs "in the industry" this morning and it was tiresome. "Must have 2-3 years experience at Disney, or in the industry, or with blackberries, or, or, or."

So what do I do now? Do I give up? Maybe it's been a pipe dream all along. Cut my losses and work on a teaching certificate? (Though I can't really afford that either and there are no student loans for those.) Go back to being a glorified secretary? I don't know. Ang and I are pretty committed to this Los Angeles move now, with it less than three months away but like EVERYONE'S been saying, it's expensive there. Frankly, it's expensive anywhere. So yeah.

For now I'm going to do the laundry.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Boredom

It is day three of the hallowed AIMS test - that's the Arizona state standardized test for those of you who either a)don't know me well or b)care! And right now I'm going on hour four of sitting in a room with 23 students who have to try as hard as they can to be silent. And for some of them I think it uses more brain power than taking the actual test. We've been done testing for about 45 minutes now but until the entire school is done we wait. And wait and wait. What makes it worse is that we have missed our usual lunch time by about 20 minutes already and they're hungry. Frankly, I am too. I'm hoping they don't hear my stomach growling.

Four of my students are engrossed in a book which is awesome. Others are browsing my "big books" - the Ripley's Believe It or Not, my Book of Weird Animals, etc. Some are sleeping (we have had different snorers each day, today's was the loudest and I think the snickering woke him up). Others are perfecting their sign language and note-writing techniques. Some are staring blankly into space. I know that feeling well. I have to be on high alert, watching them test, waiting until they raise their hand to signal they need a Kleenex or a new pencil or have a question.

In the meantime I've answered some emails, been told I have to sub during my only plan this week, and started the new John Grisham novel. I tried writing - I reread some of what I've recently written but I can't get lost in that world when I am so obviously stuck in this one.

So we wait. With growling tummies, anxious feet, and tired looks. TGIF.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Oh you!

So I blogged last night then went to bed to read. I started with my Bible passages for the day, some of the Old Testament stuff is pretty dry and I was getting tired. Then I got to the New Testament and bam! God really wanted me to wake up. Here's what I read:

From Luke 12: Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? "Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

Yeah, that woke me up alright. I know I have to be patient and I know I am not supposed to worry but I am not and I do. And I often need reminders to stop, listen, pray, and be patient. I've been restless lately and I think it's because my faith has wavered. I'm trying to do it all on my own, which isn't what God wants from me. So he sent a little wake up call last night. And just as I was sitting there thinking how little relevance the Bible held for me at that moment. He's a pretty cool guy;-)

So I'll wait. Ang started looking at apartments last night and I really don't know how to afford living in L.A. but I am confident we will. I am confident that we'll prosper and have great adventures and learn and do God's work. I know our time here in Yuma is coming to an end. I know there's more out there. But for now I wait. Your move God.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Wrench

Yeah, a big old wrench, that's what I got today when I opened the mail. See I've been putting my plans for the future on hold until I find out if I've gotten accepted to any of the Los Angeles grad schools I've applied to. Ang has been too - she's moving with me and we're waiting to find out where I'll be "stationed" before we make any big plans when it comes to apartments, jobs, etc. All that small stuff.

Well today I got a letter from Cal State Northridge that says they have all of my required applications materials (that I submitted over 5 months ago) and they're reviewing them. And they'll start sending out admission status letters the week of May 19th, 2008. That's right folks, over a month from now. It was bad enough that the last week of March/first week of April came and went without any letters, as had been promised by all the schools' websites but now I have to wait another 6 weeks or so. I just don't get it...

I had a dream last night, and I woke up really excited. I'd prayed last night for God to let me know what He wants for me, where He wants me, etc. And then I had this dream that ended with me getting an acceptance letter from USC (my number one pick and the best screenwriting school in the country) that was signed by the university president and he'd written "Why not?!?!" after his name. I have no idea if the university president is a man and no idea why he'd write such a thing but I was elated!

And then I got the Northridge letter. I haven't gotten any others - still waiting on USC and UCLA but I am getting very anxious. As I watched Channel One News with my kids today and listened to seniors talking about getting a thin vs. a thick envelope in the mail regarding their college acceptances I empathized. Although I feel like I should be past this point. I just want to write. And I am not sure if I'm supposed to find another way to do it but I thought this was a pretty good way. I mean, if you want to be a doctor or a lawyer or an electrician or a chef you go to school, learn the craft, and then make your way through your career. I've finally figured out something I really want to do and now I just don't know how to get there. I've been listening to screenwriting podcasts when I work out this week and these writers talk about how you just have to do it, sit down and write. And I think yeah, well you're getting paid three-quarters of a million bucks to just sit down and write. And you don't have to go to work and deal with 13 year olds for ten hours first. I know I shouldn't complain, I have a job and I'm grateful for that but I want more. And I pray to God He shows me the way. Or at least points me in the direction of a cheap apartment in a good neighborhood in L.A. (I know, I don't ask much!).

Ang asked today what I'll do if I don't get in to any schools. This has been in the back of my mind since I started the process, I am realist, I know my chances are slim. I had a great writing score on the GRE but not stellar verbal and quantitative scores. I am sure there are people with better resumes and pedigrees wanting the slots at the schools just as much as me. And maybe even some of them can pay for the tuition up front. But I do know I want to write. So I did what any writer would do in this situation. I turned inside myself and started something new. In my case, notes on what I hope will become a new screenplay. So I guess, wrench or no wrench, I'll just keep pluckin' along!

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Weekend Update

It was good to have a few days to get reacclimated to Yuma after getting home from Texas. It's been fine, all the laundry is done, the fridge is full, etc. but I'm still not ready to go back to work. But what's new! I am so thankful for the two week break though, I feel it really energized me and got me into a better mindset. By that last week before break, I was very stressed out. In the past few days though I've gone to a pilates class, walked 8 miles, done toning exercises, eaten 3 bell peppers, 2 quarts of strawberries, almost a pound of carrots, and relaxed. I feel better already!

Still no news on the "letter" front yet. My parents ask every time one of us talks to them if I've heard from anymore schools yet and we say no. I smile because they have to know that they're my first call when one comes. Especially if it's an acceptance! The decisions were supposed to have been made by now - letters to come at the end of March/beginning of April but nothing yet. The websites haven't been updated either. My dad reminded me that 'no news is good news' so here's hoping!

So tomorrow we head back to school bright and early. I think my kids will be ready but tired, this was fair week in Yuma which keeps them all busy and out past their bedtimes. That's okay with me though, tired kids and quiet kids! And Wednesday we start the AIMS tests so life will be very quiet for five days after that!

Oh yeah, did I mention I got summonsed for jury duty again?!?!?! Seriously, if it weren't for Ang and I, I'm not sure who'd they'd get to be on all these juries that get cancelled the night before! I'm to report a week from Tuesday, we'll see if it pans out this time. I'm sure my bosses will be impressed if I do get to go, that's an AIMS day and they can't have subs in the rooms for testing, they have to have people who've signed confidentiality agreements, etc. So we'll see what transpires before then.

What else? Oh yeah, we saw 2 movies this weekend: Leatherheads and Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns. Both great movies, well worth the ticket price and the 2 hours spent in a darkened theater. We went to the mall Friday night (no more shootings lately, thank goodness!) and downtown last night and yes, we were spotted by children. And I was doing my best TMZ impression, I had my Detroit Tigers hat on and everything and I was still loudly acknowledged!

Ok, guess I should get ready for tomorrow. Have a great week everyone and to those of you up north, congrats on spring finally making an appearance, even if it was a few weeks late!

Friday, April 04, 2008

Texas Style

Whew! We are home, after 13 days in that huge state of Texas. Yeah, it's huge, it took us two days to drive through it. And we had issues while driving, namely with a police officer who believed that he needed to pull us over for going three (yes, three) miles over the speed limit. Yes, cruise was set, and yes, it does indeed fluctuate. Yeah, whatever. Anyway...

We had such a great time in Texas, both sightseeing and just hanging out. We went to the Blue Bell Creamery where they make some tasty ice cream. We hung out in the gardens, toured the plant, saw them making ice cream and of course, ate ice cream!

We went to church three times which was something I really enjoyed. The focus of two of the sermons was forgiveness and it really got us to thinking, and talking. It was awesome to have such great conversations full of love, laughter, and friendship.

We also did some dancing. Saturday night we headed out to Hulaballoo, an old diner where a benefit was going on for a mission team Jamee's mom is a part of. They had this great band, Texas Twister, who played covers from the 60s, 70s, 80s, etc. It was great to dance and enjoy each other's company. Also, we got to hang out with some of our new friends: Angie and Justin. Very cool!







And then there was Monday. Monday was our last day in Texas and we made the most of it. We went to the George Bush Presidential Library at Texas A & M University which was very cool. Justin met us there and we had a great time learning all about President Bush and his accomplishments and about history as well. We laughed a lot, especially after we were ushered into a tent that served as a replica of barracks from the first gulf war. The older woman who'd led us quickly through the museum to the tent told us to go in, sit down, and be quiet. I felt like I was back in elementary school! We got to sit in a replica of a situation room, fly a (video game) plane, and had the opportunity to purchase replica needlepoint bags just like Barbara Bush had made during her husband's campaign speeches (we declined). All in all, well worth the trip onto campus! And it was very cool to touch actual pieces of the Berlin Wall.





Then Monday night we participated in our last Supper Club. Supper Club is a product of Jamee's awesome brain in which she invites friends and family to come and share in a meal once a week to encourage the building of community. We loved Supper Club and were glad to get to enjoy it twice over our visit. Ang and I took charge and made mom's famous taco rice, which was loved by all. It worked out well, Justin brought queso (which, regardless of the crap he took for bringing it, was eaten heartily by all), Angie brought chips and guacamole, and Aggie Sarah brought cookie dough. And we all ate too much!

After dinner we headed outside where we engaged in a little sky soccer - a game invented by Angie and Hannah which has a lot of guidelines and no rules and involves a giant ball. I'm pretty sure by the end of the game there were no children involved and the tall people were enjoying themselves a little too much! Then we followed Hannah's lead and laid down on the grass to look at the stars. We did some "camping" and laughed and laughed and laughed. Really, I don't know when I've had such a good time. It's amazing how quickly you can forget how difficult life can be, all the stressors of your life, and just give in to something as simple as lying down and looking up at all the God has created. What an awesome night!




Tuesday we had to leave but it was a sweet goodbye (if there can ever be such a thing). We slept in, everyone, even the kids, and then we ate chocolate chip pancakes and played "store" with Hannah and David. While we packed the car David picked flowers for us and Hannah helped get Speedy and Gertie (our cars' beanie babies) ready for the drive. We hugged and smiled and promised to be together soon. A promise I know we'll all keep. And until then I'll keep all these pictures and memories close to my heart. God is good, all the time!