Christmas Eve

I am big on anticipation - it's one of my favorite feelings, knowing something is coming up, preparing for it, waiting for it, being excited. I love it. That means Christmas Eve is the big day for me, it holds so much promise. That's what I love Thursdays, they hold so much promise of what could happen on the weekend. Last night I finished reading Randy Pausch's "The Last Lecture" and he talked about being a Tigger or an Eyeore. I think I'm definitely a Tigger. Especially this time of year!

It's been a busy couple of weeks, there were holiday preparations, end of the year preparations (mostly for school and work) and travel preparations. Angela and I made it home Saturday without incident and landed in Detroit to fresh snow. I loved it!!! And we've gotten a lot more snow since I've been here and no matter what anyone else says (even people in my house saying it loudly), I LOVE THE SNOW. It makes it Christmas. It makes it winter. It makes me feel like cooking and baking and sitting and staring at the Christmas tree for hours.

So far we've been to church and caught up with old friends there, been to two grandparents' homes several times and done some wrapping and shopping and more wrapping and baking and of course, the obligatory visit to Urgent Care. It's not a trip home for me without this. One year it was an infected toe nail, another it was a double lung infection, this summer it was poison ivy that got out of control (I'm apparently allergic) and yesterday it was this stupid cold that's been brewing for ten days and only seemed to get worse. So my mom shipped Ang (who's also sick) and I both off to the Urgent Care and I got to see Dr. Ali again ("I'm Dr. Ali - A- L - I." -- so glad he cleared that up for me). Apparently I was sicker than I'd let on because I left with ten days of antibiotics, 10 days of steroids, and Claritin D. And so far, I feel worse. But yeah know, I'm not going to let it dampen my anticipation.

I'm making my cousin Jamee's fabulous pineapple dressing for dinner today, I'm helping get the house ready for Christmas morning, I'm enjoying the decorations and can't wait to see what Santa brings tomorrow!!!

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you have a wonderful holiday however you're celebrating this year and know I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as I celebrate the baby Jesus' birth and a week of family and friends (we get four family Christmases here in Michigan!).

Advent Devotional

I volunteered to write an piece for my church's Advent Devotional and here it is:

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit.
--I Thessalonians 5:16-19

When I was in grad school I knew a couple of guys who were movie nuts. Their favorite was National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. I loved that because it’s one of my family’s favorite holiday movies as well. But while my family tries to get in just one viewing before Christmas, these guys would watch it in April, July, whenever!

When I read my scripture verse I was immediately drawn to the last line, “do not quench the Spirit” and I thought about those guys and that movie. And I thought about how we play Christmas music earlier and earlier each year and how in September there are already Christmas decorations in the stores. But mostly I thought about how sometimes we quench the Spirit, especially at Christmastime, by focusing on trees and gifts and parties. We worry more about accommodating houseguests than what the holiday actually represents.

And that’s where Christmas Vacation comes in. That movie, that tale of a man trying to create the perfect holiday experience for his family, is the perfect example of what we, yes, even us church-going Christians, do to Christmas. And if you watch it all the way to the end, you’ll find out what Clark Griswold found out: it’s just not worth it. All the shopping and the cooking and the people pleasing. It doesn’t make Christmas Christmas. So what does? Doing things like watching Christmas Vacation with your family. Making one batch of cookies, instead of forty, and talking to your friends while you let them stir the batter. Taking time each day to read an advent devotional. (If you’re reading this, you’re ahead of the curve!) Taking a moment after reading a Christmas card you’ve just received to pray for the sender.

Yes, yes, it’s easy to say if we do these things, Christmas will be all bright and shiny. And maybe it will. Or maybe, more realistically, Christmas will become more of a personal celebration of your Savior than a holiday process we have to trudge through. So “rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit!” His will is for you to celebrate His birthday, so get to it!

I am blown away

I really don't know what happened. Tuesday night I had my third table read. It went well. It was the end of my first quarter of film school and I was supposed to have the first act of my script finished. I did, then some. I had 58 pages finished, 21 of which I took to class for the table read (we're supposed to take 15 pages but I wanted the whole last scene read so I took all I had, and yes, I took crap for it, and no, I didn't care!).

And then on Wednesday I started writing again. I took the comments from the read and revised, rewrote a little and kept going. It's weird since the next deadline for my next table read isn't until January 13th, 2009 and I didn't need to keep going. Usually what that means is I procrastinate. But I didn't. And then today - just over 2 days later, I FINISHED MY SCRIPT!

I know! I can't believe it either. It's 90 pages long which I think is a good draft, that equates to about 90 minutes on screen - an hour and a half. Long enough to enjoy your popcorn, short enough that your butt doesn't fall asleep.

But yeah, DONE. I am really beside myself right now. And I know, I know, it's not perfect. It's not the final draft, it's not anywhere close but for right now, it's done. It's my script, it's done literally THIRTEEN WEEKS EARLY, and I'm pretty darn happy with it. I think my writing has improved tenfold this quarter thanks to my teachers and peers at UCLA and I am just incredibly happy! Really, no idea what else to say except - YAY!

The Arabian Bazaar

Ang's kids have been working on a very cool project for the last month or so. They've been planning and preparing for an Arabian Bazaar. They've been writing business plans, studying ancient mathematical lessons, writing research papers and finally, today, selling their "wares" at a bazaar. And I got invited.

After having taught in a middle school where field trip was a dirty term and where anything too outside the box was considered taboo, it was awesome to see what this team of teachers pulled off - together. They have almost 200 kids and they'd all planned their lessons together, coordinating them so that the kids could spend half of today having this great experience.

Each group was given a set amount of money and had to rent a stall at the bazaar (2 tables cost more so they had to decide how much space they really needed), pay for chairs, rent microwaves, etc. They also had to supply their own wares. There was a lot of diversity. I saw boxes of marbles, loved stuffed animals, lots of candy and pop, homemade cookies and brownies, store bought cupcakes, hand-rolled sushi. The first stall I stopped at was manned by Walter. I've heard stories about Walter and I was excited to see him again today. He offered me a free sample, because I'm a teacher (they don't quite get it that I'm not a teacher there at John Burroughs, probably because I'm around so much, and I have given up correcting them. There are worse names to be called!). He was pretty proud of his casserole dish filled with french fries and cut up hot dogs. I stabbed a fry and a hot dog piece and swallowed the lukewarm concoction and he smiled away.

I ate brownie bites and cookies and stuffed my pockets with gum and candy. I bartered a bag of cotton candy one child had given me for a bottle of water. I ate too many of these awesome mini-cupcakes by one child who's mom is a professional baker. I took pictures and complimented them on their menus and signs. I even had a smoothie with the secret ingredient of jolly ranchers (actually, not bad, very sweet but not bad). It was great to see kids be so inventive. They were popping corn right there, making deals on the spot (one Coke-$1, two Cokes-$2, what a deal!), blending smoothies, decorating cupcakes and trying to figure out if they had enough money for one more hot dog or one more cup of raman noodles.

At the end they had to settle up with their social studies teacher, making sure they could pay their rent. It was great to see them working with "money", being responsible, AND having fun all at the same time. So I say - AWESOME JOB JOHN BURROUGHS MAGNET TEACHERS! You rock! I hope these kids know how lucky they are to have you in their lives!!!

Quote of the Day
Girl - Who's older, you or Ms. Knapp?
Me - Me.
Girl - By how much.
Me - (Hold up 3 fingers.)
Girl - So you're 31.
Me - Yep.
Girl - You're three years older than my mom. But way younger than my grandma!

Fantastic!

A third of the way done

It's hard to believe that I'm officially a third of the way done with program at UCLA already. It's gone by so fast and it's been all I'd hoped for and nothing I could have ever imagined. I've also finished over half of my first script and I'm pretty excited about that. Tonight I had my last table read of the quarter and it went so well - lots of new ideas and lots to write! I'm determined to have a lot more done by the time I get back to class the first week of January.

And it was a great night of celebration in addition to our table reads. We brought snacks and there was even wine (a new experience for me - alcohol DURING a class - but it was fun!) and really just enjoyed being with one another. Giving ideas, listening, I had a blast and I can't wait to do it again. For me, with writing being such a solitary activity, and now with my job teaching online (i.e., alone in my house), I'm really enjoying the heck out of the interactions in the classroom.

Other than that things are good. Homeless lunch was busy today - new faces and old and good conversations with new friends. I've also been helping Ang with some grading every day after school, book reports. And can I just say, she has some amazing kids! (To quote one student's report - "And as you know Ms. Knapp, I'm the class comedian, not the class clown!" Priceless.)

And I'm counting down the days till Christmas, my favorite time of the year. I did some online shopping and shipping to Howell tonight (which is why I'm online so late) and did some baking today that got me in the mood. I can't wait to get home and sit by the tree and see the snow and wear my flannel nightgown and be with my family. I can't wait!

The rest will follow...

I go to school with people who want to be screenwriters, who are, for all intents and purposes, screenwriters. I have met a lot of screenwriters here in L.A. In fact, it seems everyone's a writer. But I haven't met many who have had movies or television shows made. And then Nancy Oliver came to my Monday night lecture class.

I expected someone younger, not that she's old, certainly not but she seems more seasoned than I'd imagined. She wrote Lars and the Real Girl and worked on Six Feet Under (HBO) and now works on True Blood (HBO). She's a writer and a director and on Monday night, she was fascinating. She was calm and insightful and very open and sounded very honest.

Over the past quarter I've heard a lot about structure and theme and plot and act breaks. I've read books about where to put the inciting events in my screenplay and what characters need to have storylines where and when. I've learned about systems for writing and rewriting and I've even done some of it. But all along it's felt a bit like a process, a bit artificial. I have done all the assignments, created all the timelines and scenes and outlines and character sketches. But I've also been writing for a lot of years and I know me. I know my head and I know how I work. And what Nancy Oliver said on Monday that screamed to me was to arrange your work habits around how YOU do it best.

That stuck with me all week. Tuesday I tried writing before going to Homeless Lunch, after reading half a script for class and before taking a shower. I was having an ADD morning. Nothing worked. So when I came home I read. I gave up writing for the day. I knew it wouldn't work at all. I know how I do it best. Today I only had a half hour before I had to leave for an appointment but I felt the need to get some things down and before I knew it, I had several pages knocked out. I'm finally starting to realize how I work best. And I think that if I let myself know that that's okay, it will be.

Nancy had a lot of other interesting insights into writing, screenwriting as a career, and Lars. I'll share a few for those who asked for reports:

On writing

• There was simply nothing else she could do - she couldn't pass the test to be a teacher in California so she had to keep writing.
• It took her five years to move from writing plays to screenplays. She had to learn to see as the camera sees.
• She discovers who her characters are through the writing. She often doesn't know what will happen to them until the end.
• There is a difference between intuitive and technical writing and we need both. You need to be able to fix something if it doesn't work - do the job required.
  
• No one does character like Shakespeare.
  
• You can be a good writer when you're young and when you're old - you can be a good writer all along. You just can't go any faster than you're meant to go. But you can do your best. It not only has to do with age but with experience. Don't edit your experience.
• Acts in screenplays are great if they're helpful, if not, throw them out.
  

On career

• There is a difference between writing for film and writing for television. For TV, it's a discipline and it's a community effort. It's writing by committee but it's worth it - moneywise and it's good to learn different disciplines. It's good to see how good a writer you can be with so many obstacles. For instance, if you're given a direction for a story, you have to write it so you might as well see how well you can do the job.
• If it works, it's okay with her. For example, it was Ryan Gosling's idea to talk to the doll in Lars. It worked so she thought it was okay.
• She believes there can be drama without conflict. Tension is more interesting.
  

On Lars

• She got the idea for Lars and then didn't write anything for five years. But she finished the draft in nine months - the draft she turned in, the draft that after rewrites were thrown away would become the shooting script.
  
• She didn't know Bianca would die when she started writing.
• She was on set for the entire shoot and she's happy with 95% of the movie. She's happier with it now than she was then.
  
• She doesn't know what happens after Lars goes on that walk but she does know asking someone to go on the walk with him was a BIG step.
  
• The scene at the late in the water was ambiguous on purpose - was it meant as baptism? As murder? The audience has to decide for itself.
• Bianca weighed a hundred pounds and had a flexible face that made nine expressions used throughout the movie.

Nancy ended the evening with advice to all of us screenwriters aspiring to be where she is: she said not to follow her example. We're already ahead of her because of where we are. Her thing was not about success or career it was about being a good writer. Tell the truth, the rest will follow, she said. And I believe her.

World AIDS Day 2008

Monday, 12.1.08, is World AIDS Day. I can't say that I've ever been aware of this day before but I certainly am this year. For several reasons.

For one - I've become a member of the AIDS Awareness Task Force at church. I started volunteering at 5p21 and quickly got initiated into the task force. I'm enjoying it and glad to be helping raise awareness of yet another disease that needs to be cured. I cut out red ribbon stickers. I pass out teddy bears. I encourage people to buy gifts for the kids at the clinic.

For another reason - today our church celebrated World AIDS Day and had my friend Nancy, who's HIV positive, as a speaker. She told us about her every day struggles with the disease, about not knowing if her son would be born HIV positive (he wasn't), about her life and her faith. Just hearing her, as with most disease survivors and fighters, was encouraging and amazingly hopeful. At the end of the service we heard the names of people read who've died of AIDS recently. What a moving experience.

Even more so because I was sitting next to Joe. I met Joe on Thursday at Thanksgiving. He's living with AIDS and is currently under hospice care. To sit there, to put a face with the disease, was truly humbling. And as he cried, and I took his hand, I wondered about these diseases, all of them, that take our loved ones. I wondered why God allows them. I wondered where He was in all of this. And then I realized, as I looked around. As I looked at the tears on people's cheeks, as I looked at the teddy bears we'd been charged with loving for the past month so they can be given to patients this week, as I looked at the love in the room, I realized. I realized I shouldn't waste my energy on wondering why but loving, caring, and sharing. So I squeezed Joe's hand a little harder and I thanked God for putting me in this place at this exact time. To love. To be loved.

So thankful

I am my mother's child. I love to plan, cook, and enjoy a good meal. I love to be with people, to talk and share and enjoy life. And I love the holidays. But I've never experienced a holiday quite like the one I did this week.

This was my second Thanksgiving away from home. And while I've enjoyed most of my 31 Thanksgivings (a few have been spent with the flu and/or colds) - this one ranks right up there with the best.

Angela Garber, one of my awesome new friends, organized 'Little Orphan Angie's' Thanksgiving dinner at the Hollywood United Methodist Church. She invited friends and families and people who wouldn't have anywhere else to spend the day except maybe at a restaurant. What transpired was truly a blessed day.

We cooked, we cleaned, we laughed, we played charades, we walked to Starbucks, we toured the church, we played Uno Attack, we met new people, we got hugs, we gave hugs, we ate too much, we tried new things, we learned about each other, we shared with one another, we were thankful.

And while dinner was two and a half hours off schedule (turkeys can't be eaten rare), no one cared. We enjoyed the time. We shared experiences and created new relationships. And before we sat down, all 25 of us joined hands and bowed our heads and gave thanks. My friend Pauley asked that we each say what we were most thankful for on that day and while some scoffed, everyone listened and spoke and God surrounded us.

A lot of the time holidays are stressful. Especially in my family. This year, for me, Thanksgiving was not (Angela Garber may disagree!) and I am so thankful for that. For that and for the new friends and old friends and everyone in between that I got to spend the day with.

A good day

Today was one of those days that was just all-around good. Nothing spectacular happened, it wasn't my birthday, I didn't win any awards, it was just a good day. I got up and had time to read a script for class - an assignment but also a luxury, time to read. And then I volunteered at Homeless Lunch and had fun talking with people and enjoying being outside. (Yes, there was a fight between a couple of the guys there but it de-escalated quickly and I chalked it up to Ang and Sus getting a little show for their buck).

Then we drove Susie up to Mulholland Drive to see the views and take pictures, it really was a nice, warm day to do this. Then we went to the Grove and window shopped and had another celebrity sighting (Kelly Osbourne - we also heard Gwen Stefani and her crew were there but we didn't actually see them). Also, we spent some time at the bookstore where I got some new paperbacks and Harry Connick Jr's new Christmas CD. I had a gift certificate from my birthday so it was fun to get to spend that! Also, I didn't even know HCJ had a new Christmas CD out - another exciting part of my day!

We had a good Mexican dinner at Chipolte (I LOVE LOVE LOVE their chips) and then I headed off to class. I got there super early so I had time to visit the script library and pick up some more reading material and spent some quiet time reading a new "textbook" about life as a Hollywood Assistant. And then there was my table read...

Again, I can't tell you how excited I was for this - I had 20 pages I'd written, rewritten, edited and edited some more. I worked really hard on this - going back and rewriting the first 15 pages, adding characters, killing off characters, making sure my writing served the character's and my purposes. And I was still excited tonight, until they started reading...

And I got really nervous. Like my face felt like it was on fire, my head started pounding, I couldn't help but obsess over what my teacher kept scribbling furiously on his pages. It wasn't good. But then again, it happened, I started listening. I started marking where they laughed with smiley faces. And I relaxed and enjoyed the "show". And everyone's really getting into the table reads now - they're starting to know the characters and the plot and they're having fun, "getting into character" so to speak. I know I am when I get to read. And it went well, so well.

Here are a few of the responses (and yes, I know I'm tooting my own horn but I'm excited and want to share my excitement!):

• It's taking shape!
• Your characters are bonding and it's working well - there are changes in relationships, exactly how it should be.
• I loved the sense of detail, how you create a real world here.
• And the marriage relationship and it's troubles, great.
• And the rest, it's just, it's really kinda lovely.

So yeah, it was a good day. A day that ends with rain splashing on the windows as I crawl into bed to sleep. A day that was full of friends, happiness, expressions of faith and thanksgiving, and most of all, for me, a day full of accomplishment and encouragement.

I love it!

This is how we know the seasons have changed in L.A.! (The first picture was from August, the second picture is from today.)

A friend from home

Our friend Susie flew into Los Angeles today and I made the trek to LAX all by myself and navigated the trip quite effectively, if I do say so. Not as hard as I thought it might be. Then Ang and I took her to Larchmont to have lunch- gotta love Koo Koo Roo. While we were munching some Pinkberry (everyone who comes to LA has to have Pinkberry right away, it's a law) we had a celebrity sighting! Michael Rapaport was getting out of his big SUV. You might remember him from Boston Public (I did but no one else did), or from Friends (Phoebe's cop boyfriend who shot the bird - that what Ang and Sus remembered).

So we had our little bit of star gazing for the day now we're heading to Universal's Citywalk for dinner and fun!

Tower Tour

Yesterday Ang and I wore our old clothes to church and did something few people have ever done. We climbed 140-some odd feet into the air above Highland street in Hollywood, up in the tower of Hollywood United Methodist Church.

And let me tell you, we didn't just climb. We were a little unsure as to why we had to sign these very official wavers before embarking on our tour but we soon found out. After going up a four or five flights of wooden stairs (staggered of course, weight distribution was very important to our guide, Richard Settle - who also took all the lovely photos you see here), we started in on metal stairs. We had to duck under pipes, hoist ourselves up through holes in the ceiling and climb these rungs on the wall that I was pretty sure I couldn't climb. But I did! Once we got up there, dirty as all get out, we had the chance to see the amazing view - all the way down Highland, all the way up the hills to the Hollywood sign, everywhere - it was amazing. And we got to hit the chimes with a rubber mallet (that's what I'm doing in the photo!). A very cool experience indeed!

Equal Rights

"What do we want?"
"Equal rights!"
"When do we want them?"
"Now!"

This was the chant we heard most often yesterday as we rallied on City Hall. And can I just tell you, it was a very cool experience. There were 12,000 of us - yes, TWELVE THOUSAND PEOPLE, who congregated downtown Los Angeles to protest the passing of Proposition 8 here in California, which bans gay marriage and gay rights. I went with about 40 members of my church, Hollywood United Methodist, on the subway (which was so crowded we were literally nose to nose - good thing Ang and I are on friendly terms) downtown where joined up with everyone else.

It was very cool to hear the mayor, council members, members of Congress, representatives from groups like the Southern Christian Leadership Conference which was founded by MLK, jr. and more, speak out against this violation of basic civil rights. It was very cool to see teachers, ministers, old, young, black, hispanic, white, gay and straight all standing together, peacefully, to try and make a difference.

We listened then we walked. And walked and walked. We walked over two subway stations away from where we started - we ended up in Chinatown. By the time we ended I had blisters on my feet and my arms are still sore today from helping to hoist the church's banner.

And while I'm tired and sore and sunburned, I'm glad I went. I'm glad I helped be a voice in this cause. I'm glad I stood next to my friends and heard what some wise people had to say. I'm glad I was there. I'm glad - that in the midst of this divisive fight, I was a representative of God's love.

And my friend Pauley took some cool videos of the whole affair - check them out at http://www.youtube.com/user/pauleygram!

Neighborhood Watch

Last night Angela and I attended our very first Queen Anne Neighborhood Watch meeting. And I have to tell you, I thought it was kinda cool. At five to seven we started to see people with flashlights outside so we wandered out and met up with our neighbors Bill and Betty and Mary from across the street. We walked down a block to Queen Anne Elementary School and joined the group. There ended up being seventeen people in total - some from blocks away, some from right across the street, some from streets I'd never heard of. The crowd was mostly older and some have lived in this neighborhood almost sixty years! But here's what I thought was really interesting:

Here was a group of concerned citizens, wanting to make a difference in the quality of life in their neighborhood. Apparently they've been writing letters and making calls and fighting the system for years. But they're not ready to give up. They welcomed us and asked our advice (since Ang works for LAUSD and the biggest problem is Los Angeles High Schools' student truancy problems spilling into our streets) and shared a little insight.

We found out that there have been a few home invasions in the past years, there are drug houses around, parking is an issue, and the city said it would take up to six months to fix a burned out streetlight. We also found out a neighbor, thankfully on a street I didn't recognize, has a shotgun loaded with rock salt, and he's ready to use it!

All in all, an interesting look at Neighborhood Watch, something I'd never experienced before. In December our SLO, senior lead officer, from the LAPD is supposed to be there - I'll let you know how that goes!

Love

I got an email tonight, from my Canadian cousin. She wanted to share this with me, a video clip from an MSNBC pundit. And now I want to share it with everyone I know.

Last week I voted against Proposition 8, which banned gay marriage. The proposition passed. I find this ridiculous. In a time when there is so much hurt in the world, it saddens me to think that churches, and it was churches for the most part who supported prop 8, would want to hurt anyone. How on earth should a church community expect to bring people closer to God when all they do is hate and condemn and judge. It breaks my heart. It should break everyone's heart. But the proposition passed because people are scared and people think they have the right to judge others. But I think everyone has the right to a little love in their lives. Don't we, as a country, have enough other battles to fight?

Take 5 minutes and watch the video clip above or read the text of Olbermann's commentary below. Think for yourself. Think with your heart. We should never have to be afraid of love.

Gay marriage is a question of love
Everyone deserves the same chance at permanence and happiness
By Keith Olbermann
Anchor, 'Countdown'
msnbc.com
Mon., Nov. 10, 2008

Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.

Some parameters, as preface. This isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics, and this isn't really just about Prop-8. And I don't have a personal investment in this: I'm not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.

And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics. This is about the human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.

If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don't want to deny you yours. They don't want to take anything away from you. They want what you want—a chance to be a little less alone in the world.

Only now you are saying to them—no. You can't have it on these terms. Maybe something similar. If they behave. If they don't cause too much trouble. You'll even give them all the same legal rights—even as you're taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, no, you can't marry. What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn't marry?

I keep hearing this term "re-defining" marriage. If this country hadn't re-defined marriage, black people still couldn't marry white people. Sixteen states had laws on the books which made that illegal in 1967. 1967.

The parents of the President-Elect of the United States couldn't have married in nearly one third of the states of the country their son grew up to lead. But it's worse than that. If this country had not "re-defined" marriage, some black people still couldn't marry black people. It is one of the most overlooked and cruelest parts of our sad story of slavery. Marriages were not legally recognized, if the people were slaves. Since slaves were property, they could not legally be husband and wife, or mother and child. Their marriage vows were different: not "Until Death, Do You Part," but "Until Death or Distance, Do You Part." Marriages among slaves were not legally recognized.

You know, just like marriages today in California are not legally recognized, if the people are gay.

And uncountable in our history are the number of men and women, forced by society into marrying the opposite sex, in sham marriages, or marriages of convenience, or just marriages of not knowing, centuries of men and women who have lived their lives in shame and unhappiness, and who have, through a lie to themselves or others, broken countless other lives, of spouses and children, all because we said a man couldn't marry another man, or a woman couldn't marry another woman. The sanctity of marriage.

How many marriages like that have there been and how on earth do they increase the "sanctity" of marriage rather than render the term, meaningless?

What is this, to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love. But don't you, as human beings, have to embrace... that love? The world is barren enough.

It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.

And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling. With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?

With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate... this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness—this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness—share it with all those who seek it. Quote me anything from your religious leader or book of choice telling you to stand against this. And then tell me how you can believe both that statement and another statement, another one which reads only "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

You are asked now, by your country, and perhaps by your creator, to stand on one side or another. You are asked now to stand, not on a question of politics, not on a question of religion, not on a question of gay or straight. You are asked now to stand, on a question of love. All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate.

You don't have to help it, you don't have it applaud it, you don't have to fight for it. Just don't put it out. Just don't extinguish it. Because while it may at first look like that love is between two people you don't know and you don't understand and maybe you don't even want to know. It is, in fact, the ember of your love, for your fellow person just because this is the only world we have. And the other guy counts, too.

This is the second time in ten days I find myself concluding by turning to, of all things, the closing plea for mercy by Clarence Darrow in a murder trial.

But what he said, fits what is really at the heart of this:

"I was reading last night of the aspiration of the old Persian poet, Omar-Khayyam," he told the judge. It appealed to me as the highest that I can vision. I wish it was in my heart, and I wish it was in the hearts of all: So I be written in the Book of Love; I do not care about that Book above. Erase my name, or write it as you will, So I be written in the Book of Love."

So Help Me God

That's the title of my script. And for right now, that's all I'm going to tell you about it. It's not that I don't want to share, I do but right now it's in the mush stage. Like just this afternoon, there was a guy name Gerald in the movie. And tonight, as I sat in class, I decided that Gerald will be no longer. So yeah, that's why I can't tell you more about it. Soon, hopefully but not while the story's still a big pile of mush waiting for me to mold it into a movie script.

But anyway - tonight was my first table read. What that means is I had to take fifteen pages of my script to class, enough copies for everyone, and then the class read it. And can I just tell you how terrifying that was? Because my teacher was just like, here we go - assign parts, sit back and listen. So I did.

I don't really remember what happened for the first page or two. I think people were reading. I know that there's only one other girl in the class and so some of the other girl parts were read by boys. But by about page four I actually began to listen. I heard how they read the words and I started to hear IT. Yes, IT. LAUGHTER. They were chuckling and laughing in all the right places! Can I just tell you there is nothing, absolutely nothing, better in the world that I've ever heard than the sound of people laughing at what I've written. (And yes, before you ask, it's a comedy - well, a dark comedy, so the laughter was intentional!)

And when it was done they started talking. First my teacher, then my peers. They were full of suggestions and compliments and it was very cool to hear people discussing a story I'd come up with. Very cool.

And mine wasn't the only table read we had tonight - we read three other sets of pages and they were all amazing. I can't wait to see every single one of them on screen.

So here I go, back to the keyboard, to rewrite and write some more. Thirty pages are due in two weeks. And I'm going to get them done, so help me god!

Adopt Angela's Classroom

My sister Angela, for those of you who don't know her, teaches 7th grade at John Burroughs Middle School in Los Angeles. JB is a public school and as such, doesn't have a lot of money. And while Ang teaches in the magnet program, which means her kids are classified as gifted and talented, most of her kids don't live in the neighborhood around the school. Most of them are dropped off by carpools or by the city bus. Some of these kids ride the city bus for hours each day just to get to a "good" school. And JB is a good school. It's full of teachers who care, kids who are funny and smart, and people who want it to be the best educational experience possible for everyone who walks through the doors.

But just because they want to be a good school and are doing their best doesn't mean they can without money, plain and simple. Already this year Angela has spent way more money than she can afford to create the best learning environment for her kids, and it's a lot less than we spent over the past three years in Yuma. For example - we have created this great unit around the novel Al Capone Does My Shirts. I bought a classroom set of the books two years ago - thirty novels. But this year Ang had to go out and buy ten more novels because her class sizes are huge. She could have just had the kids share books or skipped the unit all together, hey, it wasn't in the state curriculum anyway, but she chose not to because she wants her kids to enjoy reading, to know what it's like to hold a book and experience a story with their eyes and their ears.

So why am I telling you all this? Because Ang has signed up with a website that will allow you to adopt her classroom. You can donate a dollar or a hundred or more. And every penny that's donated goes straight to her. Better yet, every penny that's donated will be matched by a corporate sponsor. She's chosen a proxima (a fancy projector that will allow her to create PowerPoint presentations out of her lesson plans) for her donation project, she wants her kids to be able to experience lessons with the best technology available. Technology these kids would never see in most of L.A.'s schools. But in her classroom, with your help, maybe they can.

Go to Adopt-A-Classroom for more information and to help me in adopting her classroom!

Good Evening, Clarice

Last I did three things I never imagined I'd do:

1. I stood in line for over two hours to see a movie. A movie that came out seventeen years ago.
2. I watched Silence of the Lambs.
   
3. I watched Silence of the Lambs about twenty feet away from Sir Anthony Hopkins. Or Tony as he introduced himself to all of us.

Let me explain. UCLA has these great free showings of movies - some are new, some are independents, some are sneak previews, and some are presented by writers or directors or in this case, Anthony Hopkins, the man who won the Academy Award for playing a cannibal in the film. The catch is that while the tickets are free, you have to stand in line to get them because they're well, free. So I went with two friends from my program and we stood. And stood. And stood. But that was fun too.

When we finally got into the theater and Mr. Hopkins came in everyone stood and clapped, that was pretty cool. And when his name appeared on screen everyone clapped and when he first appeared on screen everyone clapped. It was very surreal.

And while I never had any desire to see the movie, I found it fascinating. I also think because I'd built it up as this scary, horror-type movie, I was expecting way worse than I got. Not that it wasn't scary, it definitely was. But it was also entertaining.

After the movie Mr. Hopkins did a question and answer period for over an hour, and while none of us were sure what to expect, we were pleasantly surprised. He started off by delivering the famous lines from the movie about eating a man's liver with some "fava beans and nice chianti". It was great. And he proceeded to make the fast slurping sound a few times - that was really creepy! He talked about being on the set, and his inspiration for playing Lecter and then acting and directing and writing in general. He also talked about being creative and reading everything and anything and he made a comment about how many actors today are a disgrace in how entitled they seem. All in all, a fascinating evening! And I still can't believe that I watched Silence of the Lambs in same room with Hannibal Lecter!

UPDATE: Sometimes I forget my blog is on the World Wide Web and not just my friends' computers. I recently got a comment on this particular blog, by someone anonymous that said:

Could you expand a little more on what he said about his inspiration(s) were for the character ? He has mentioned HAL the computer in 2001, in the past and a dentist in his home town in Wales. Would be interesting to know if he drew on anything else.

Mr. Hopkins did spend a lot of time talking about acting, which is interesting to me but not fascinating. And since the majority of the audience was acting students, us screenwriters did not get a chance to ask any questions. What he did say was that he simply created the character from what was on the page and what was in his imagination. He said he tried reading a book on serial killers and it got into his head and messed up his idea and so he threw it away. I remember that specifically because I wondered if he literally threw the book in the trash. He did not mention the computer or the dentist but then again, it's been a few years and I know sometimes memories change a little.

8 years comin'

I've been wearing my Obama '08 shirt all over town. And I've been so enjoying the conversations with friends and family about voting and change in general. I think it's so cool that our country comes together, even when ideals separate us, on one day, to celebrate democracy. No matter how differently we may all believe, we all want to make a difference, we all want our voices heard.

I love that some of her family got to vote for the first time today, in their first presidential election, and that they were excited about it. I love that people all over the country sent me texts and emails and messages to tell me they'd voted, and then that our guy won. I love that it's something we all get caught up in, especially tonight - it's like the Olympics in that way, it pulls us closer as a nation. And that's what I hope President Obama will do for us. I mean, just listen to his acceptance speech (I also love that he's an AWESOME public speaker. Seriously, it will no longer be painful to listen to the president speak, how about that!):

“If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.”

And the truth that he speaks, he says what I think so many of us are feeling right at this very moment:

“It’s been a long time coming. But tonight, because of what we did on this date, in this election, change has come to America.”

Change. It's been a long time comin', a very long time. And I can't wait to see what it looks like!

What I Know for Sure

Friday something happened that hasn't happened for me in months. I finished my To-Do List. I was so happy. Of course there are those big things still (edit my novel, write my screenplay, etc.) but I got everything else done. All the cards sent, emails answered, bills paid, calls made, etc. That meant that Saturday morning while Angela was gone to her National Board class I got to hang out. So I made myself a cup of tea, gave myself the whole day off from writing (something I haven't done in over two months) and curled up on the couch with two months' worth of Oprah magazines. I skimmed a lot, read a lot and then came upon the last page in the latest issue. It was an essay by Oprah about a question she'd been asked years before in an interview. She talked about then and now and made her list. The question was, "What do you know for sure?"

I've been thinking about this question for the past day. And I decided to make my own list.

What I know for sure

1. I am loved. (I know I am a very lucky girl because I hear this many times a day. Whether it's from friends and family in person or online. I am so blessed to be surrounded by people in my life who love me and share their love. I really cannot tell you how much this gets me through the day.)
2. I love to write. I like to play with words, write them, type them, anything, everything.
   
3. Singing really loud in the car always makes me feel better.
4. When I eat healthier I feel better.
5. No matter how great the vacation was, it always feel good to get home.
6. There is no such thing as a quick trip to the grocery store.
   
7. Families are all different, and all a little crazy. Mine is not unique in that.
8. Petting a cat means an immediate smile.
   
9. I love school. I love learning new things and taking notes and being a student.
   
10. People are going to hurt me. No matter how hard I try to protect myself, I can't 100% of the time. And that's just the way it is.
11. I am going to heaven.
    
12. I watch too much TV and I'm not afraid to admit it.
13. Money is important in life. But so is being happy and doing what you feel you need to do.
14. I am just getting started.
15. No matter how old I get, Christmas morning still makes me feel like a little kid. I love that.
    
16. I have no right to judge anyone. And while I still might, I'll keep trying really hard not to.
    
17. My mom is the best cook in the world.
18. Communication is the most important skill we have.
    
19. My dad is the most patient person I know.
20. I can do anything if I wake up in the morning and give it my all.
    

What do you know for sure?

If I didn't convince you maybe these folks can...VOTE!

Watch this video and then go VOTE!

It is finished!

On Sunday, January 1st, 2006 I had an idea for a novel. It started with a few paragraphs in my journal and I called it Side Effects:

We are the original desperate housewives. And we aren’t just wives. We’re girlfriends and husbands and children and mothers and friends and co-workers and friends of your wives and people who go to your church or members of your father’s Bible study. We’ve been here since, well since there was war. Since there was the notion that we, the collective we that is the United States, felt the need to go away and protect others. Go away and help.

But the collective we that is us, those of us left behind, have spent the majority of that time since being ignored, under appreciated, not valued, and overly relied upon. And that’s okay. Because that’s what we do when our men, and now our women, go off to war. We stay home.

And we’re not complaining. We can’t imagine what it must be like to live in the land of sand, to eat MREs every meal, to fear bullets and land mines with every step, to leave our home, our family, our lives for months on end and wonder if we’ll ever make it back and if we do, what will be left. But we’re saying staying at home’s not easy either.

You know how when your doctor prescribes a medication and you go to the pharmacy and you get the bottle and you take it out of the little white bag and that paper falls out? That paper that lists the hundred or so side effects that could happen; everything from a slight cough to brain hemorrhaging. Well that’s how we feel at times. We’re the side effects that no one pays attention to until something happens. You search the trash for that paper at three a.m. when you’ve got a nosebleed that just won’t stop or when your stomach starts cramping twenty minutes after you’ve swallowed the pills.

We are those side effects. We cause a little heart burn, a little constipation, a slight headache, but until the knock on the door and the men in suits arrive, no one pays us any attention.

Over two and a half years later, it's now called An Everyday Silence and it's 152, 669 words.

At 4:11pm today, Monday, October 27th, 2008, I finished the first draft of this novel!!! My novel!!! I know, I am very excited. For those of you who've been tracking my progress with me, thank you for the encouragement, for the comments and for the suggestions. It's been all-consuming and exhausting and the coolest adventure ever! To get to know these characters and share their stories on the page. I only hope that one day they'll be not just stories on a word processor's page but on a book's page as well.

So that's it. A draft is done. According to Anne Lamott it's probably a shitty first draft. But it's written and it's mine and that can never be taken away from me. Now I just have to edit and rewrite and find a publisher. All the easy stuff!

It's been two years, ten months and twenty seven days. It's been a lifetime. It's written. I seriously cannot explain what this feels like...

Vote early, vote often!!!

No, no, I'm joking!
But seriously?
VOTE.
If you are over 18 and a U.S. citizen YOU MUST VOTE. Because if you don't then you can't complain. Not even a little. I remember in college my golf coach, who was a really great guy, not much older than me, and I would have these intense conversations about politics. And one day I remember asking him about who he voted for and his reply was that he didn't vote. And I was so furious with him. I truly believe that if you can't get off your butt and fill in a couple of lousy circles on a piece of paper, then keep your mouth shut! I've voted in every election I've been able to since I turned 18: city council, school board, president, everything. And I truly believe it matters.

And I voted again today. Ang and I sat down at the kitchen table this morning and spread out our ballots. When we registered our cars and got drivers' licenses in California they asked us if we'd like to vote by mail. Heck yeah I wanted to vote by mail, how much does that rock?!?!? You don't even have to go to the polling place (though I admit, I enjoy that but life is complicated and I also like making sure I get things that are important done ahead of time). So a few weeks ago our ballots, and an information guide, arrived in the mail. And we've been collecting bits of information in the past month to help us make informed decisions - her union's newsletter, mail ads, I even scribbled down some info I heard on a TV commercial.

It didn't take long, about 20 minutes. We used black pens, filled in our dots, talked about the issues, and put them in the mail. As easy as that! It was way more complicated to get a driver's licence. (Let's not talk about failing the test, please.) Then tonight I got this video link from my friend Pauley - check her out on YouTube - which only reinforces the fact that voting is easy. It's free and it lets your voice be heard. Vote for Obama (yes, please! VOTE FOR OBAMA!!!!!), vote for Chuck Baldwin (no, please, DON'T VOTE FOR CHUCK BALDWIN, unless you're Justin and it's too late!), vote for Grover Cleveland, vote for me, I don't care (I mean, I care, I REALLY REALLY CARE and I'll talk to you about it, I WILL, if you want to talk about it) just VOTE. Vote so you can have a voice, so you can say you tried to make a change, you wanted to be a part of the process. Heck vote just so when your guy loses (sorry Justin! (I kid, I kid!)) you can complain and cry and say you tried. VOTE. VOTE VOTE VOTE.

And if you're in California - vote YES on Proposition 2, ending cruelty to animals in the agricultural industry in California. And vote NO on Proposition 8, which seeks to eliminates the rights of people. Plain and simple.

REMEMBER - VOTE. Either today, tomorrow or on November 4th. VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

Bring back radio shows!

Last night Ang and I attended the 3rd Annual Jeff Miller Halloween Radio Shows in Hollywood. And can I just tell you, it was awesome! Our friend Sean was a member of the cast and he invited us and Emily to come to the performance which took place at 11 o'clock at Rocket Video on La Brea (after closing time of course!). We really had no idea what this whole radio show thing entailed but off we went. And I was so glad we did.

This guy Jeff Miller is an author and he manages the video store. Well he'd written three "Traveler's Tales of Mystery" and gotten a bunch of actors (and Sean, who reminds me he's not an actor though he was really really good!) to perform them. They all stood around 2 microphones and he had a bunch of things for sound effects, like a saw, glasses, a door, etc. Just like you'd imagine they'd use in any sound effect situation. And they performed these plays for us and they were great. They were funny and scary (seriously, the one was really really creepy) and the last one even required audience participation (we got to sing the theme song from The Golden Girls!). And in between each of the stories he played old fashioned commercials - one for car parts, another for J-E-L-L-O (all that shimmers is not jello!) and another for cigarettes. So great!

And can I just say, I think last night was what Hollywood's really about, people telling a story. Here were all these actors, giving their all, their hearts to this performance. In a room of about 50 people. Yeah, no one's gonna make their big break in Rocket Video probably. No one was making any money I'd guess, in fact they offered free food and drinks to all! But here were these performers giving us a great show just to entertain us. And that they did. It was awesome!

Also, I love that there are things like this that happen in Los Angeles. I've met so many people who come here from other places (case in point, a lot of people last night were from the east coast) and they come here because they want to be a part of this. They want to be with people who find stories entertaining, who enjoy acting and writing and making art. That is so cool. And I'm so fortunate to be a part of it. So rock on Jeff Miller! I can't wait for the 4th Annual Radio Show!

Landscaping 2.0

This was our house when we moved in, you all probably remember the post about Bill, our neighbor who trimmed the tree for us! Well, Bill's been at it again. Remember our bushes and all that greenery? Well it's gone...

It's grown on me (ha ha) and it actually looks like people live in the house and care for it (which we do and well, someone cares for it - namely Bill). He's trimmed all the bushes, we've gotten rid of 4 or 5 dumpsters of yard waste and get this: he's now tackling the back yard. I think he gave up asking if it was okay, because I say it's always okay, and the other day I looked out the window and I saw little piles of cuttings, and it's been raked. We don't go out there much but it's starting to look really nice so maybe we will now. And I have no idea when Bill does it, I never see him! (And yes, we're going to do something really nice for Bill, we're working on it!)

It does look really great now, and Bill is resting easy now. His main concern (besides I'm sure how horrible it looked) was that people could hide in our bushes/trees and...well he never went and further beyond the hiding part. But no one can hide now! Least of all Ang nor I! (And no, we still haven't seen the promised gardener that was specified in the lease...don't get me started!)

The List

I am looking at my to-do list (the one I did not create during class tonight, no siree bob!). There are 23 items on it. I've crossed one item off since I've been home tonight. Yeah, 22 more to go. Things that all need to be accomplished this week. And I didn't include laundry (except the laundry I need to do for Homeless Lunch) or grocery shopping (I am thinking a fast is in order) or social events (I'm going to hear a radio play be performed Friday night) or catching up on 3 weeks worth of television shows I've been neglecting. Yeah, I'm a little busy. But it's all good, right?!?! Right!

Today I started my training for my new job with the University of Phoenix. It's exactly like an online course, the training, so if you've ever taken one you know there's a lot of "posting" in the online forums in addition to "assignments" and such. It's a four-week long process and I am hoping it will be quick and painless. Fingers crossed.

Also I'm about to turn in my expanded beat sheet for class which means I'm about to "go to script" - the golden words every writer wants to hear from a studio or producer. "Going to script" means I actually get to start writing pages, the real deal! I'm excited!!!! So yeah, between that, training, trying to finish my novel, and the other 20 things on the list, I'll be keeping my nose to the old grind stone.

It's good though. So good. I am blessed. I was not in the line at the Homeless Lunch today but instead humbled by being able to serve. I have a roof over my head (even if it's been invaded by ants AGAIN!) and enough to eat. I am doing something I love and some day I will be out of debt. Some day soon! (Yes, it's true - I am following the Oprah-esque philosophy on this one, think it and it will be.)

Birthday Blessings

I know it's a running theme lately but I'm feeling mighty blessed. Yesterday was my 31st birthday. (Yeah yeah, I know, I'm getting up there according to SOME people. But trust me when I say age is really only how old you feel and most days I feel just about right!) Ang and I started celebrating Friday when we went to a fancy-smanchy day spa in Larchmont (a neighborhood right up the street from us) and got massages. It was wonderful being pampered. They put us in big fluffy robes and let us hang out in the relaxation room for a while before taking us to these outdoor cabanas. Truly worth the money, trust me.

On the way home we had a pretty cool experience too - we drove by a film set! Yeah, right in the middle of our neighborhood, about 2 miles from our house! Ang suggested we stop and check it out so we did and while chatting up the police officer (who's retired but works for the studios we found out) we learned that it was the set of a Wal-mart Christmas commercial which made sense since we stopped in the first place because of the SNOW! Yep, real snow (artificially made of course) and Christmas trees and lights and everything! So cool! So yeah, that's how Ang and I came to hang out on our first film set. And the people were really nice too. Other folks were getting their pictures taken in the snow and it seemed very casual. And can I just say that Wal-Mart has the bucks! According to the police officer this was their eighth day shooting, for a commerical, wow!

Then Saturday Ang and I did some retail therapy, had a birthday burger at Red Robin (and an ice cream sundae - complete with singing wait staff), and then had some friends over. Emily, Sean, and Steven came over for pizza, cake and some Apples to Apples followed by Trivial Pursuit. And yeah, they made me be a team of one for Trivial Pursuit but I showed them, I got 3 pie pieces all on my own! Take that!!!

So yes, a wonderful birthday filled with fun, friends, and some very nice gifts! Books, journals, jewelry, gift cards, phone calls (thank you grandmas! aunt marie! mom and dad! Jamee! Justin!). Can I just say it's pretty darn great to be loved:-)

5P21 Fun

Friday was HUMC's day to make and take lunch to the patients at 5p21, the HIV/AIDS clinic in downtown Los Angeles. We had a much smaller group helping out this time but it went really well. We had fun making the food (and I did not cut myself with the very sharp knife!) and I got a chance to chat with Emily on the drive over and then Ceil, another new LA transplant, on the way back. While we were at 5p21 I got the opportunity to chat with a few patients and deliver some sandwiches. I'm not sure how to explain it but doing this, and helping out at Homeless Lunch, really affects me in such a big way. To meet these people, to do nothing more than offer them half an egg salad sandwich, isn't much when I think about what they are facing but I'm continually impressed by my God who allows me to serve Him and others in this way. Things are going well in my life, I'm so blessed by the people around me, the opportunities I have to go to school and write and enjoy this life that I'm so glad to be able to give back just a little! So I challenge you: What can you do this week to serve others that just might be fun?!!?!?!?!

$23

Yep, $23. That's how much it costs to park your car overnight in a Westwood parking garage. (Westwood is UCLA's neighborhood). I learned this the hard way. Here's the story...

Thursday night I drove over to Westwood to see a movie with my Tuesday night film class. Our homework for Monday night's class was to see two movies this week: Ghost Town and A Flash of Genius, and to write a paper on both. I'd already seen Ghost Town and was really excited to see the movie about the man who invented the intermittent windshield wiper, had the idea stolen by Ford Motor Company, and proceeded to represent himself in a lawsuit against them.

So I get to the theater to find out that our movie isn't playing at 7:30, only at 10pm because of a charity screening of This is Spinal Tap. And since a member of my class is also a lawyer, we end up with free tickets to the $30 charity event, and the movie we originally went there to see. Not a bad deal. So we go in to watch Spinal Tap and it was fun. I'd never seen the movie before but this was an interactive show benefiting the Hollywood Rock Academy Foundation for kids so they had a high school version of Spinal Tap and they gave us props. We got to throw bread at each other, and fake money, and sit on whoopee cushions, all good stuff. Plus they had free food, I mean, really, it turned out to be a good deal!

After the charity event the theater screened Flash for my class (all four of us who stayed) for free which turned out to be really fun. I love having my own screening room! Plus, I got my homework done! It was all going great until I headed to the parking garage. That's where the $23 comes into play. The garage is gated. Yeah, locked up real tight. And it's 12:30am by now. Luckily my classmate Heather and her sister had walked with me so they ended up taking me home, all the way across town. Fantastic.

Of course I have to get a ride back to get my car the next day but my good friend Emily helps me out and when I get there to retrieve my car and find out the small fortune this is costing me I ask the guard if he can help me out. He says no, maybe a manager can, if he can find him but that I should have just walked around the parking garage last night and I would have seen the open gate. Yeah, that's a great idea. Especially since the tiny sign we found out front listed the hours as 8am to 10pm and by that point Thursday night it was 12am. And then add that to the fact that there was no way I was walking around a block-long parking garage, in the middle of the night, with two other girls, in Los Angeles. So I paid the $23 and left. Just goes to show there's no such thing as a free lunch, or movie.

A little external validation

So I was flying high last night. I had my lecture class and we were getting our first homework assignment, our "cringe" stories back. And we had to turn in two scenes from our screenplay. So as I made my way down the steps in the lecture hall, I wondered if there'd be a good grade on the top of my story.

I was always that kid in college who didn't just want As but needed As. It wasn't that was in high school or middle school, which is probably why there were a lot of Cs and even some Ds there. I'm not sure what it was that changed in me, right around junior year of high school, that made me want to do really really well. I mean, I guess I'd always wanted to do well but now I felt a strong desire to actually achieve the grades. Also, I had a rough first couple years of high school and by junior year I had kinda figured out the game. And by the time I got to college, even more so. And let's not even talk about grad school. I can't tell you how many nights I worked into the wee hours, reading EVERY SINGLE PAGE even though I later found out "no one does that in grad school". Well, thank you very much, I did. All 879 pages or whatever that week's assignment was.

So last night I was anxious to get my story back. I've only taken a couple of creative writing courses over the years and they were all workshop environments where things weren't "graded" so I was curious to see what my work would yield here. As I picked up my paper and headed back to my seat and my new classmate friends I looked down and saw a green check plus. And yes, I was the only one in my group of seven who got a check plus, and I got comments! Not much, only "good opening sentence" and "well told" at the end but it was enough for me! Now mind you, this was just a short story - three double-spaced pages but I'd put a lot of time and effort into these three pages. I'd rewritten them every day for five days just like my teacher had instructed. And, you know what, to me, it showed.

I don't think I've ever done that with something before. Sure I edit and I proofread but I'm not a big rewriter. Newspaper articles get written then edited then submitted to meet a deadline. Novels get written and continue to get written, I haven't gotten to the rewriting of that yet. Screenplays get rewritten to an extent and I think that's one of the skills I am going to focus on here at UCLA, rewriting until it's not just good, until it's fantastic, until it jumps off the page and sticks to your shirt, whispering at you two hours or two days later.

Tonight I have to submit an extended beat sheet of the screenplay I'm developing this quarter. I volunteered to be in the first group and I'm really glad. It forced me to get writing and thinking and starting tomorrow I can move on to the next phase in the process! Honestly, I can't tell you how much I am enjoying this. Yeah, I know, I'm a nerd but I'm a darn proud nerd!

One of those days

I'm having one of those days where I am sure I have adult ADD. Or ADHD or whatever the heck it's called this year. I am having a hard time focusing and I know, yes, I really do, that I have things that NEED to get done. I have a big to-do list staring down at me from the white board over my desk. I have a house that needs to be cleaned (thankfully Ang is playing maid today) and homework to do and a novel to write and a million little tasks to complete that don't really need to be accomplished today but that I can't stop thinking of. Yeah, it's just one of those days.

My new thing this weekend was to go to North Hills, in the Valley, and find the Saturn dealership. I got my car's engine changed and my 60,000 mile checkup. And I also got my steering wheel lubed up. I found out I need new tires but who doesn't, right?!?! After that I found a Wal-mart not 2 miles away and went, though I wasn't impressed. It was dirty, and not a Super Wal-mart but I got my sparkling water and was on my way. (I am a good sister, a very good sister, just ask Ang!)

So yeah, nothing else new for me this weekend other than I didn't get a lot done Friday, nor yesterday and now I'm sitting here, staring at the screen, trying to write, and have nothing. And I don't really believe in writer's block but I'm definitely not being productive. So I guess I'll take some advice from Anne Lamott and take it 'bird by bird'...here goes nothing!

He made me smile

I love living in a neighborhood again. I've missed that since being in Howell, and I guess we had a little of it in Olivet. But in Kalamazoo and Yuma I was in apartments and it just wasn't the same. Here, we've got it all. Houses, duplexes, lots of cars, bikes in the street, kids playing stickball, kids being called home for dinner, neighbors fighting with their spouses, people fixing and washing cars, horns honking incessantly at 6am. And while sometimes I want to yell, "Shut up!", most of the time I love it.

This morning I saw something that made me smile. Across the street from us is a Mom, a little boy and a teenager (well, he seems to be at home all day every day so I don't know). The little boy is maybe 1st grade, Ang and I try to figure it out every other day. We know he can tell time (you hear everything in our little burrow, even the scoldings about being late for dinner). One of these days I'll go over and talk to them. I've said hi to the mom a lot, she seems really nice but it's just one of those things where we're always rushing when we see each other.

Well today I look out my window and what do I see but little boy trailing after the teenager. He's going slow, I mean it's 7:45am. He's got a hooded sweatshirt on, and the hood is up which makes him look even smaller. He's got a backpack on that's almost as big as him. He walks a little slower because he has a prostetic leg but he's not that slow. In fact most days he runs around the street like a maniac! But today he's slow and obviously sleepy. And it made me smile. Queen Anne Elementary school is a block and a half away, that's where they're going. And it just reminded me that it's fall and that some things never change. Kids go to school. Older brothers take care of younger brothers.

The little boy's the first person we met here on the street. When we did our first drive by of the house, before the real estate agent was here, he stood across the street, behind a bush, looking out at us. Now he waves and watches everything we do. And today he made me smile.

The pitch

Last night I had my section class and we had to bring in our homework: 3 script ideas/pitches and one outline of our favorite pitch. I'd been working on my all week and had it all typed up nice and pretty. And when I sat down at the table last night with the others, I felt very unsure.

It's one thing to type up ideas and even stories, novels, and yes, screenplays, on your computer and think, "Oh, that's not bad." It's one thing to share those writings with family and friends who never have a negative comment (even though I beg and plead, although some people are great at constructive criticism, Erika!). It's one thing to pour out my ramblings here in my blog, somewhat anonymously where only a handful of people, and one stranger that I know of, come to peek at my world.

It's a whole other thing to spend thirty minutes sharing your pitch and know that your teacher, a real-live, working screenwriter, and 7 other writers are going to instantly judge you based on this first idea.

So what did I do? Naturally I raised my hand and offered to go second, when the instructor asked for volunteers. Get it over with is my motto, pull the band-aid off quick. I knew it'd be a much more enjoyable 3 hours if I wasn't sitting there sweating my pitch. So I started reading. And I gave the pitch a title that I'd come up with ten minutes earlier. And my instructor scribbled notes, and so did my classmates. And I just kept talking. And guess what?

The liked it! I got that it was a cool idea, interesting premise, great character arc. And then they started telling stories and giving me ideas for details and how to shape the plot and what movies to watch and stories to read for ideas and I wrote everything down as fast as they said it. And then we took our break and I didn't even get out in the hall before one student grabbed me and started sharing her thoughts and suggestions and then others asked questions and I know I never stopped smiling.

Yeah, I know, it's just a pitch. A page and a half outline. But it gave me courage to keep writing, the incentive, the exterior motivation I needed. So what did I do? I volunteered to be in Group A which means I have to present my expanded outline and character sketches next week instead of the week after. I'm so excited.

I don't know if all pitch "meetings" will go like that, or frankly, if I'll ever have another pitch meeting but let's just say I was glad my first was in such a supportive, encouraging environment. Okay, I'm off to create...

The lunch bunch

Yesterday it was 102 degrees in Hollywood. On October 7th. I don't understand either. There used to be a time when I wished for snow on my birthday (yes, in Michigan but I'm making a point) and my wish sometimes came true. This didn't happen in the past ten years or so. From what the west coasters tell me, this is unusual weather. I think it's Yuma but that's just me...

So on to the lunch bunch - I went to Homeless Lunch yesterday and helped out and was reminded, once again, of why I go. Really, it's as much for me as the people I help. To be a sense of community, to say hello to familiar faces and smile at new ones. To sneak some extra crackers in the bag of a young guy or help a woman pick out a shirt that will fit. And the folks there are beginning to recognize me too. Yesterday one of the regulars who has come every week desperately seeking pants that fit him (all of ours have been too big or too small) finally found something manageable. It was great to see him come back twenty minutes later wearing clean jeans and a clean t-shirt. But what was even better was having a conversation with him about the Methodist church and how we're not Catholic (the building looks like it could very well be a cathedral) and he doesn't have to wear a suit and tie to come on Sundays. That was pretty cool.

Also, some of the folks are opening up around me, one suggested we pray for a missing friend so we stood in a circle and let him lead us. Another searched through all the books to find the he thought I needed - How to Find the Perfect Husband. People are so thoughtful!

All in all, another good experience complimented by the chance to chat with some new friends from the church congregation. I'm a pretty blessed girl.

The lecture

Tonight I had my lecture class and can I just say, I've never had a class fly by like this one. I think it's because I really am fascinated by the subject at hand and I know that I am going to use this information - not theoretically by becoming educated but practically by writing a screenplay. It's a pretty cool feeling.

Tonight Hal, my instructor, talked about structure and beginnings. We have to write what is essentially a plot outline for my Tuesday class and so Hal gave us the assignment to describe and/or write the first and last scenes in which we meet our main character in our scripts. As I sat there my mind was already running through the scenes, I was making notes like crazy and here's the cool thing, I could see the scene in my mind. I heard the voices and instantly knew who some more of the characters would be.

Today I wrote out my plot outline and tomorrow I'll tweak it and start on my scenes. I am so excited for class tomorrow. As I was leaving the lecture tonight I hung back and walked with some of my Tuesday night classmates and thought it was pretty cool we're gravitating toward one another so we can talk to the folks we're starting to know. It was also nice to have people say, "Hi Sarah" tonight when I got to class.

So yeah, things are good. And they're only gonna get better! I'd better get writing...