I'm not really big into New Year's resolutions. I have a personality that borders on obsessive at times and if I fail to meet a goal it's not always pretty inside my mind. I remember the year I vowed to floss every single day (yeah, I know, something most people probably do all the time). It became nearly catastrophic when I went on spring break in the mountains and forgot to floss because there was barely time or the place to pee much less do anything else. Or the year I vowed to read the entire Bible, one day at a time via this nifty little arrangement. I did it but I spent many a Saturday in the fall reading for hours at a time.
However, I'm really good at motivating myself, I have to be to be able to work at home. And I'm usually good at keeping an even keel. And this year while I did make some resolution type goals for myself as I do every year (written in my day journal - they're very general and fairly achievable) I have decided and announced to several people I'm going to turn a new leaf. I'm going to try and worry less. The key word there being "try".
I worry a lot about my sister, the sister who lives with me. This is normal behavior for me - and for most people I assume, who live with another person. You worry about them. But this year I'm going to try and worry a little less and just let her be. I can't cure all her medical problems. I can't get her job back for her. I can't make her less anxious. So I'm not going to worry about it as much.
I also worry a lot about the future. About the fact that I'm 32 and I don't make much money. That I write and write and write and haven't sold anything in a long time. That I have a job that I wish was different. But I realize I can't control the economic state of our country. I can't force agents to sign me or producers to buy my scripts. I can only try as hard as I possibly can and let it work itself out.
I'm also not going to worry that I've made the wrong choice or followed the wrong path. I'm going to try and enjoy the ride. I'm going to sit at lunch with my friends and listen to them rather than worry that I should be home doing something else. I'm going to go to coffee. I'm going to hike in Griffith Park. I'm going to enjoy myself just a little more. I'm not going to worry if I don't lose three pounds this week, I'm going to celebrate the fact that I got on the elliptical at all and that I beat everyone at Wii boxing. I'm going to wear out my new tennis shoes and worry later where the next pair will come from.
I'm not going to worry that I'll never meet Mr. Right and that I am becoming too old to have children. I'm going to instead talk to people, go out, enjoy being myself and being free and living in this amazing city. I'm going to write stories and look every day at the plaque on my desk that I got for Christmas: "If you can dream it, YOU CAN DO IT." -- Walt Disney.
Will I be able to stop worrying completely? No. And I don't want to. I see worrying as a form of love and caring and concern. I worry about my friends and family because I love them. And I am grateful I have so many people out there in the world who worry about me. But I am going to try and dwell on it a little less. 2010 is going to be my year. And yours!
2 comments:
seriously, you're not getting my job back for me. Man, now i have to do it myself, this sucks ;-)
Your Non-Resolution kinda sounds a bit like mine. I vowed to do more for me this year. Not less for everyone else, but a bit more for me. As for your worrying less, you can scratch being too old for kids off the list. My friend just met her husband at 38, married at 39 and is expecting her first child at 40. So, it is never too late. As for the rest of the worries, I agree, worry about people, not things. God tends to put everything in order in His time. Like today, my dryer broke, but my car mysteriously fixed itself. So, just take it slow on the worrying and let me know how it goes. If you can pull it off, please tell me because I struggle with it too. :')
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