I am ready to throw up (literally)

Most people who know me know I can be outspoken. I'm not afraid to talk in front of large groups of people, I lead small discussion groups, not much scares me. I teach public speaking to college students and I've done my fair share of getting up in front of crowds number in the hundreds. But today, right now, I'm about to throw up at the thought of talking in front of two people.

Tonight I have to pitch myself as a writer to a couple of people in the industry. These are people I've spent some time with, not strangers by any means. But they intimidate me. Frankly, they scare the crap out of me. Why? Well, simply put, this is it. This is the real thing.

Talking to a friend going through the same pitch experience as me today, I realized something. This is my shot. I've always been a writer but I've always wanted to be a paid writer. A professional writer. A screenwriter. And this is my shot. This is the do or die time. This is the putting my money where my mouth is time. And it's terrifying. I'm literally shaking as I type this.

How many people say they could have done this or been that but never got the chance? Or never put any effort into it? Well here's my chance. This could be the beginning of something big. This is what all my work, all my dreams, have been about the past few years.

And tonight it all boils down to two-minutes. Two minutes of me telling people about myself. Not about nuclear physics or microbiology or Shakespeare. I have to talk about me. The person I should know best. But here are two things I've learned over the past two weeks of working on this pitch:

1) I'm a writer, not a pitcher. There's a difference and it's big. And I have to become both in order to succeed.

2) I am not an actor. I've written a lovely pitch but I can't memorize it for anything. Just ten minutes ago I stood up in my bedroom and attempted to tell the mirror my pitch. About myself. I got two lines in and froze. Yes. This is fabulous.

How will tonight go? I have no idea. I'll keep you posted. But I do know that I'm scared out of my mind. But I think there would be a problem if I weren't. This is the thing I want most and I'm on the verge of getting there. Nothing else has ever been this important.

And if I don't pass out, maybe I'll be able to remember something to say tonight.

***UPDATE: The meeting went well. I didn't throw up. My hands shook a little but not my voice. So happy I could cry. It's a start...