I do not know what tomorrow will bring but...

Four years ago I wrote a blog post entitled: What happens next. In it I wrote about my sadness, my disappointment, and my determination not to quiet my voice. We had experienced a long election season and I had campaigned mightily for Hillary Clinton, among others. And we lost. 

I wrote these words at the end of that post: 

Be that person who's not just asking what happens next but actually be that person who goes out and does what happens next. Because what happens next will be extraordinary. It has to be.

And it's true. The last four years have been extraordinary. I have never been so invested in so many issues and projects outside of myself. Four years. I keep thinking about how my life is so very similar to how it was all those days ago. And yet, how it's so very different. 

Since 2016, I've made a web series. I've committed to directing a movie (pandemic-pending, but isn't everything?!). I've helped feed and cloth people. I've raised money. I've raised awareness. I've helped make sustainable menstrual health solutions for girls and women around the world. I've marched for and worked to help educators and students. And I've worked to Get Out The Vote more because I believe that is one of the most important things we can do. We need leaders who we can be proud of. We need leaders who look like us. ALL OF US. We need leaders with empathy. We need leaders who are smart. We need leaders who are women. And I've tried to help with that. And I'm proud of every single person I know who's doing all of these things too and so much more. 

So much has happened in the last four years. And yet, when I think back, I'm immediately flooded with stomach-churning memories of that night. The night we knew the election wasn't ours. Of the day after when I needed comfort from friends and family. When friends and family needed comfort from me. When we hugged and cried and decided we'd grieve but we'd try again. Because...

What else is there? 

These last four years have not been ordinary. They have not been easy. They have not been palatable. They have not been calm. Not for one moment. They have been violent. They have been heartbreaking. They have been maddening. They have been full of terror and anger and astonishment. 

I've never invested so much time into learning about my country, my government, foreign policy, community movements. And while I'm exhausted by it all, I have no right to be. I am a citizen. I am a woman. I should expect this from myself. I should expect to be involved. To be constantly learning and evolving and sharing. As part of a community, a country, I need to do better. Be better. TRY HARDER. We all do. 

I do not know what tomorrow will bring. I am equal parts terrified and excited, hopeful and anxious, angry and ecstatic. I do not know what tomorrow will bring. But I do know that the next four years will again, be extraordinary. They have to be. 

My mother, my grandmothers, and my great-grandmothers fought for me every day. They fought for me in ways big and small, by marching with their minds and with their feet. They wanted to make this world a better place for all of us, not just women. And I will pick up that baton, whatever tomorrow's outcome is. I will continue on. I will remind myself of that through the dread and the fear and the small glimmer of hope. I have to be the person who's not just asking what happens next but actually be that person who goes out and does what happens next. We all have to be that person. And it starts tomorrow, by voting. 

Please, BE A VOTER. Tomorrow and always.