Goodbyes

It's 9pm and I still haven't packed. I'm going to - really. As soon as I finish this blog. Ang is asleep in her bed, she's not packed either. But morning will come and we will get on the plane and tomorrow at this time be across the country in Michigan. But today was emotional and stressful and exciting and sad and tiring. Very tiring.

It started with our last bus duty day of the year, other teachers came out to back us up and it went well. Then the kids came inside. We had a half day with them, so shorter periods which was good and bad. We had to say goodbye and take pictures (I've never seen so many nice digital cameras and phones in one place before) and hand out report cards. And it all happened by 12:35pm. By the end each of my three white/chalk boards in the room looked like the one above, covered in messages and drawings and goodbyes. "I love yous" and "I'll miss yous" and "See you next year 'mom'"- it was hard to look at it all this afternoon and I just turned off the light and shut the door, knowing I'll start with a clean slate in August when I get back.

We said goodbyes all morning but it didn't get hard until my last period. They were my rough class at the beginning of the year. As I look back in my journal from August, I wrote about how they wouldn't talk to me and were unresponsive and had behavior issues. But as the year wore on, they became my favorite class. We had fun and I seemed to connect with these children. By the time they got to me it was nearing the end of the day and we were all a little tired and I think that played out several ways, they were quiet and loud at times, I was punchy and strict, and it was a good combination. We laughed a lot and they have a lot of stories about me and our experiences.

But when they got to me today, their last class of seventh grade - many were already in tears. And I am not a person who can let someone cry alone so I had to struggle to keep it together. We took class pictures, they wrote on my boards, and they began the hugging. I was surprised, pleasantly so, when even my boys approached me as we dismissed to give me a quick hug. But what I loved most was how each of them in this class has seemed to mature. As I was getting them together for the class picture, they encouraged two boys who are more shy and hung back to get in the picture, calling them by name and saying they "needed" to be in the shot. And then after the picture they called for a group hug and made me get in on it and ALL the kids hugged together. That was pretty cool and I was so happy to see their positive ending to the year in my class at least. As we headed out for the day, one of my boys was tearing up and told me he was going to military school in Florida this summer and wouldn't be back next year. He seemed to take today hard. And that got me going again.

As I walked outside, I was glad to see I wasn't the only teacher wiping her eyes behind sunglasses. And while it was a joyful day, the end of a long year, it was also heart-breaking. To know that these relationships we've been forging for the past 11 months would be changing, ending, stopping. The good and the bad, gone in a moment. I have spent hundreds of hours with these children. I know about their lives and their fears and their loves and their joy. And that has been such a blessing to me. God has given me such a gift and I know that goodbyes do not have to mean endings but I also know that a chapter closed today. I'll never recreate what happened in those days in that room with those kids. And that's okay, I don't want to.

I'm off to pack, and to say hello to some very special people tomorrow!