Intense

That's how things feel to me right now: intense. I am balancing work and exercise and grad school applications and the nagging need to write, write, write. And it's a lot for me. I am prone to these mini breakdowns every night (usually it's just me saying I can't do this and Ang saying yes you can and then we continue on with whatever we were doing but for me, it's stressful).

Work is good, today was midterms - already 5 weeks into the quarter! I only gave out 2 Fs so that's an accomplishment for the kids. And I am feeling caught up finally. The paperwork has calmed down and I've had a few hours this week to actually do my own work at school while the kids are working or while other people are in meetings and I have "free time" that's on the clock (almost never happens which is why I was giddy when my department meeting got cancelled today - a whole "free" hour!).

Exercise is going good so far although right now, my butt is killing me! I've been going to spin classes (indoor cycling) and they rock - burning 600 or more calories in 45 minutes is awesome. And it doesn't hurt my knees and I can feel my heart going. But that little seat, oy vey! I joined the local Y and really like it there. I don't feel self-conscious like I did at the gym. There are real people there and the lady at the front desk already knows my name which I like. Also, our friends Julie and Christina go there too so it helps to have that positive peer pressure (like when Julie called to tell me she wasn't going to yoga tonight but to weight class this afternoon and would I like to go? friends are so great!).

Grad school applications are kicking my butt. So far I'm applying to USC, UCLA, Cal State Northridge, and UT Austin (if Texas will let me freakin' into their computer program!!! Ugh!!!). I know the drill: transcripts which are costly (don't ask me why UCLA needs 2 official transcripts from each college), letters of recommendation mean I need to bug all of my awesome friends and colleagues and professors again, and then there's the endless online application process. And the statements of purpose and the essays and the portfolios and the scenes to be written and the emotionally intense moments to relay.

Ang is awesome, she's helping me make checklists and read through the fine print but it's a lot and I know it'll be worth it, I keep telling myself that but it's so much right now. So much.

So I am going to bed. I'm going to sleep and pray that this is the path God has chosen for me or at least the path He'll help me down and that the universe really is conspiring with me. I have an attitude of expectancy and I know it'll be worth it. It will. It has to be...