A Community Celebration

The Queen Anne Block Club!

Last Thursday we had our regularly scheduled Queen Anne Block Club meeting (we call it Neighborhood Watch usually but technically, we don't do patrols or run down criminals so...). We'd canceled our meeting in February because that was the week that L.A. was being terrorized by that ex-cop who was going after police officers and their families. I'd talked to our Senior Lead Officer, LAPD Officer Ruben, several times that week and we'd decided that cancelling our meeting was best because he couldn't be out without a partner and there wasn't anyone available to attend the meeting with him. Also? The police were a wee bit busy protecting each other, themselves and oh yeah, the city. So we took a break.

Our Senior Lead Officer and his Captain

It was during those conversations that Ruben told me he's getting married in March. I congratulated him and he promised he wouldn't miss our meeting. He's been engaged for a while now so this was no surprise. However, I immediately began plotting a surprise. I know I've written about my neighbors before and this harkens back to that. One thing Angela and I have thought about most when we've considered moving (and if you know our trials at Abbey Place, you know how often that is) is that we'll miss our community. We've been a part of this neighborhood watch group since day one. We know the people who come from blocks away and we only catch up once a month or once every other month. But we do catch up. We can stop and say hello at the grocery store and we can wave when we pass each other on the street. I love that. It reminds me of home.

So our surprise? A little party for Ruben's upcoming wedding, a celebration of him and the work he's done for our community. We invited his Captain and sent some emails and gathered some help from willing group members and voila! instant party!

Three layer butter cake with chocolate frosting!

We went over the usual information Thursday night. We discussed the burglaries and car thefts. We talked about the new Ross going in down the street. We talked about how the city's working to help the homeless on our street corners. Then, we had cake. We took group pictures. We passed around hugs. We laughed and chatted and just had a good night. We all stayed late and no one seemed to mind. Why? Because we're a community. And we like each other. I love that.

Bean Soup

I learned early on in life that if my family (and friends count as family) is gathered, there will be food. Sometimes there will pizza and salad and breadsticks from our favorite carryout. Sometimes there will be homemade lasagna dinners and Baked Alaskas or hams and turkeys and way too much of everything. Occasionally there will be a simple plate of cookies or bread and coffee. Always coffee (to the extent that I own a Mr. Coffee machine and I don't drink coffee daily or ever, when I'm at my house). But there's always food.

And no one was better suited at this mixture of food and family then my Grandma MacDonald. There were always Hydrox cookies in the crystal jar (similar to Oreos but different, and oddly, better when I ate them at Grandma's house) or sour cream cookies with the raisin in the middle. Or toasted cheese sandwiches after we worked in the yard. Or mixed veggies from the freezer, heated in the microwave, that went with every dinner. She always had food and I truly believe that's what brought us together a lot of the time. Family dinners. Celebrations. Long breakfasts when out-of-town guests were readying to leave for home. (Her homemade waffles were a favorite of, well, all of us.)

So last summer I asked my mom if I could have all of Grandma's recipes. Her boxes and books and papers thrown together in a folder. Some were singed from where Angela had caught the recipe book on fire once on the stove. Some were scribbled with so many notes we never did figure out which version was best. But I collected them and then spent the next six months with my Mom and Angela sorting, organizing, typing and organizing them into one book. One book we had printed and shared with family and friends at Christmas. I love the idea that Grandma's recipes (some even in her own handwriting) are sitting there on my shelf, just waiting to be used. And use I have...

The first recipe I made from the book was Grandma's bean soup. I don't remember eating it a lot when I was younger but we'd have it when there was leftover ham or it was cold for months on end and we'd already gone through the potato soup and vegetable soup recipes multiple times. So this winter I set to making bean soup.

It turns out, it's rather easy. A little prep, a little stirring and a lot of simmering. And voila! a wonderful meal that's surprisingly inexpensive (we even found a clearance piece of ham at Target! Froze half for another batch and the pot of soup became even cheaper!).

As we sat down to eat that first bowl of bean soup a few weeks ago I couldn't help but think about Grandma. About each time she'd made soup or a roast or a pot of spaghetti and how it brought us all closer together. I love that something as simple as food, something we all need anyway, can do that. I love that.

Neighbors

Growing up in a small town we knew our neighbors well. Some of them had been my family's neighbors for generations. Others were new to the neighborhood but they didn't stay new for long. We knew all the kids, they all knew us and everyone played everywhere.

Neighbors became extended family. They babysat us and cared for us. They put band-aids on skinned knees and fed us the food from their refrigerators. They wiped away tears and helped make mudpies. We were family.

When I moved away in college, my relationship with my neighbors changed. There was the sorority house on one side and on the other? A family who never made eye contact or wanted anything to do with a bunch of college kids. In grad school neighbors were a crap shoot as apartments were changed frequently and a 'hello' at the mailboxes was usually the extent of our conversation. In Arizona, well, neighbors didn't socialize. The apartment complex we lived in was all one floor, spread out and full of people from all walks of life. Everyone stayed inside and the pool, where you might think we'd socialize, was almost always empty. The surface of the sun doesn't help create lasting relationships with the people next door.

But when Angela and I moved to Los Angeles we settled right in the heart of the city. In a neighborhood with a Block Club, schools, parks, a library, and lots of people. In fact, we moved onto a cul-de-sac where we promptly met many of our co-habitators. Almost five years later, most of us still live on the same street. We smile and wave, stand outside and shoot the breeze, and occasionally, enter each others homes for cookies, coffee and conversation (sometimes even champagne!).

I was thinking about these people recently when we toyed with the idea of moving. We are having landlord issues again and frankly, would like a place with heat and AC. But those are mostly pipe dreams. Dreams that were put to rest again (though not forever) yesterday when Ang opened the front door before we left for church and found a bag on the doorknob. That familiar brown bag from Noah's bagels. Every Sunday morning our neighbors Bill and Betty, both in their 80s, head out to the farmer's markets, the shops, and wherever else they can find to explore. And about once a month or so, they come back with two blueberry bagels for us. Sometimes Betty knocks on the door, sometimes she leaves them hanging on the doorknob. Either way, they bring a smile and a reminder that we have great neighbors. (Also, no idea why they're always blueberry but Angela quickly learned to like blueberry bagels, which she hadn't liked before!)

And then today, I was thinking about neighbors again as I've spent most of the day reading my neighbor's memoir. Mary is in her 80s as well and has spent about 15 years writing the story of her life. She found out I'm a writer and well, long story short, I'm doing some editing for her. And guess what? I'm loving it. I first went into the job thinking, okay, let's just do this, but now, I'm hooked. I can't wait to read the next chapters!

Neighbors. People who live in such close proximity to us we often hear their arguments, their tantrums, the intimate details of their lives. People who in turn, affect us, usually when we least expect it.

The End of an Era

I still remember the year my family got a VCR for Christmas. I don't remember the date exactly but I remember when it happened. It was a huge box, a big deal for our family. Big Christmas presents weren't the norm. There were no cars or diamond rings or anything you'd see in TV commercials. So this was exciting. A movie machine.

I grew up in a small town outside of Detroit and we had one movie theater, that played one movie usually twice a night. Occasionally we'd get to go see a movie - sometimes a cartoon, sometimes a family film, or if Grandpa Jim was taking us something like Speed. Oh god, I felt so grown up eating this giant bag of popcorn (and I'm not talking extra large bucket - I'm talking BAG. Like a garbage bag size. He'd somehow convinced the concession stand workers to give us the old popcorn they were going to throw away and we got to eat popcorn all night and he still had three-quarters of the bag to take home with him), watching that guy get stabbed in the neck at the beginning of that movie. What a great day. And sometimes we'd venture out to Brighton or Lansing and catch something at the multiplexes there, though that was usually with Grandma MacDonald or family friends.

I still remember seeing Harry and the Hendersons with my Dad, Angela, Mike, Ben and Liz Roxberry. Or going to see Alladin with my Mom or Down Periscope with Grandma MacDonald, Angela, John and Nicole (Grandpa worked on a submarine while in the Navy and she thought it was perfect that this submarine movie was showing so she took all the grandkids to see it - I love that memory of that afternoon in Lansing).

But back to that VCR. What a present. We were all so excited. But guess what? We didn't have any tapes to play. So the day after Christmas I remember going to Kroger with my Dad and buying our first home video, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?. That was an exciting day. Over that next week our neighbor, Roger, who had HBO and all the movie channels, made us stacks of copies of movies. He picked out cartoons for Angela and I. He snuck in some horror and R-rated stuff for Dad that eventually, in middle and high school, Angela and I would both watch. And he included a little film called Iron Eagles III. Back then I had no idea what a trilogy was or what made a good movie for that matter. And since then, I've not seen IE3 again. But I remember, watching it in the afternoon, on our couch, with my Dad, was pretty cool. We got to watch movies at home! An awesome revaluation for a kid who had only seen a handful of movies up to that point.

I've had a number of VCRs over the year since. I've upgraded to a DVD player and I've even started buying movies and television shows on iTunes and storing them in the cloud. But I've never been able to part with my VHS tapes even though I haven't watched them years. Yet they each hold special memories. I remember my mom buying Jerry MaGuire for me when I got honor roll one quarter in school. I got to pick any gift I wanted and I chose that movie that made me so happy the first time I saw it. I remember watching Ever After time and time again in college, laughing with my roommates ("Go catch a chicken!" became a favorite insult of ours.) and sharing that old broken down couch at Brewer House. My copy of The Story of Us became worn out I showed it so many times to my classes of Interpersonal Communication. I used that movie to teach the entire textbook. God bless Rob Reiner and company.

But as it always happens, VHS tapes became outdated and DVDs took over. I replaced my copy of The Story of Us with a DVD yet kept the old copy because, well, I'm sentimental. And maybe I'd need it! (Never did.) As we started collecting DVDs, I knew it was only a matter of time. And then this year, when we got an Apple TV that allows us to watch every movie ever shown on HBO, Netflix, et cetera, I knew it was time. Time to get rid of the VCR.

And yes, it still worked. The DVD player in the same machine, the combo thingy, didn't work anymore. So we had to buy a new one. And it's small and sleek and hides behind the TV. The VCR never did that. So we boxed up the VHS tapes and the machine and took it to Goodwill. I often wonder if anyone ever scooped it up or if it will sit there on the shelf until the space is needed and they throw it in the dumpster.

But I'll never forget how I felt when we first got to watch a movie at our house. What a concept! Long before I could watch one on my phone wherever I wanted, we gathered together, as a family usually, to spend a few hours together, in our house, enjoying each other and the movie. I loved that. I still do. (It's just easier now and the tape never comes spitting out of the machine and you have to spend twenty minutes feeding it back into the tape. Ah, the joys of technology!)

My Lenten Devotional as a rerun!

Daily Lenten Devotional
Sunday, February 17th
Read: Luke 4: 5-8

And Jesus answered, and said unto him, “Get thee behind me, Satan;
for it is written thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and God only shall you serve…”

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There are days when I really enjoy grocery shopping. When I know there’s money in the bank account, when I’m planning healthy, yummy meals, when I have the time to wander the aisles looking at everything. And then there are days I detest grocery shopping. I’m in a hurry and it’s raining and the line at the checkout is six people deep and they don’t have my favorite chips and I drop my coupons and I’m outraged that lean ground turkey costs a dollar more a pound than the fatty kind.

And some days it’s the same with worship and serving the Lord. I know, I know, it’s blasphemy. But it’s the truth. There are some Sundays when I wake up and am excited to put on my best clothes and drive to church and see all my friends and serve communion and sing loudly along with the choir. But then there are those Sundays when I just want to stay in my pajamas and drink another cup of tea. When I want to turn off the alarm clock and roll over. When I want to go out to breakfast and beat the crowd to Target.

And you know what? I think that’s okay. I realized long ago that I couldn’t beat myself up over every little thing, every teensy tiny bit of guilt I experienced. I grew up attending church every single Sunday. And we were often there on Wednesdays and Thursdays and other days doing whatever needed doing. It’s okay because I can worship God at home in my pajamas. I can serve God by helping out at the Homeless Ministry on Tuesday. And I can pray whenever and wherever and God still loves me.

Don’t get me wrong; I still have to continually tell Satan to get behind me. I have to remind myself that I’m a Christian not because I go to church regularly (which I do love doing) but because of my faith. Because of my worship and my service and most of all, my relationship with Jesus. And I love that my God, your God, our God, has taught me that.

- Sarah Knapp (from 2010)

PRAYER
Gracious God, may I always feel that connection to you, whether in the church pews, on a mission outing, or sipping tea in my pajamas. In all that I do, may I continue to worship and serve you. Amen.

Ash Wednesday & Angela's devotion

It seems like we just celebrated Christmas. And we did, 50 days ago. It seems like it was just January. And it was, 14 days ago. It seems like it shouldn't already be Ash Wednesday but alas, it is. The day we begin the Lenten journey. The day the world talks about ashes on foreheads instead of love in hearts. The day we should see things a little differently, but I'm not sure we do. (And by we, I mean me, always me.) 

But this morning, reading over the devotion Angela wrote for our church's Lenten devotion guide, I was reminded of my need to listen. My need to be humbled by the world that's much bigger than me and my tiny corner. I was reminded that God is the only one who can help me through it because, as I've proven to myself time and time again, there's no way around it. No way. You've got to go right through the middle. And thankfully, God's by my side, on this, Ash Wednesday, throughout Lent and always. 

Here's Angela's devotion: 

Ash Wednesday, February 13th
Read: Psalm 51: 1-17

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Each December 31st we are ready to face the new year with a big list of resolutions. Lose ten pounds (or 25), do a juice fast, go back to school, clean the silverware drawer, watch less television, read more, travel often, the list goes on and on. Fast forward to today, a month and half into the new year, how far have you gotten? Have you accomplished what you set out to conquer this year?

Whether you have or haven’t conquered your new year’s resolutions, fear not because it doesn’t matter. Yes, you read that correctly, it doesn’t matter if your resolve lasted one day or one month, God is not interested in the ten pounds you lost (or didn’t) or the juice fast you stuck to (or the cheeseburger you ate instead). He wants to know you, to spend time with you.

This Lenten season we should resolve to renew our relationships with God in His way and time, not ours. We need to allow Jesus to create a clean heart with a right spirit in us. We need to spend time in prayer, reading the Bible, and most importantly, listening to what God is asking of us.

- Angela Knapp

PRAYER
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.” Amen.

God & the Prada Suit

I've been volunteering at my church's weekly Homeless Lunch since the first month I moved to Los Angeles. For the first two years I was there every Tuesday and then when my work schedule changed and I couldn't go as much I realized how much I missed it. Not so much the volunteering and helping out, which I did miss but got to do in different ways, but I missed the people and the sense of community that's present there. It's hard to imagine that two hours every week, three if you count set up and clean up, is long enough to create a sense of fellowship and togetherness but it really is.

This year I've been able to start volunteering on a regular basis again and I've been enjoying my time in the church breezeway, passing out sack lunches, helping people find just the right shirt or shoes that don't squeeze their toes, and making sure everyone gets a pair of new socks. But this week was different. Special. Very special.

Last week we had a guest come through the line who needed some clothes for interviews. Normally the need is for jeans and t-shirts, sweatshirts and gloves, and always a pair of shoes. But once in a while we have people who need clothes for work or something specific, an interview, a hearing, a court date or an ID photo (the woman today who was on her way to get her photo taken? She left with a cardigan sweater and a very short bright blue skirt she was going to wear under it as a top - hey, in the spirit of Tim Gunn we made it work). So the guest last week? He left with a few great finds, including a very sharp looking Prada suit, shirt and tie. (Yep, we're the church in the heart of Hollywood and more often than not our donations include designer duds.)

And this morning? He arrived for his sack lunch wearing that Prada suit, telling us he'd slept in it and had hoped it didn't look too bad this morning because he didn't have the $12.50 the dry cleaner wanted to wash it. I felt my heart sink in that instant. He'd slept in his suit. The suit he'd gotten to wear to interviews. Oh, dear. But then...he told us that he'd had an interview this morning and guess what? He'd gotten the job! HE GOT THE JOB!

We applauded. All of us - volunteers, security guards, even some of the other guests. He got the job. He wore the suit and now he was looking for some other duds to wear to work. How great is that? Granted, he's still without a permanent domicile. He's still hungry. But more than that? He's got a job and he proudly shared how he'd been drug free all year and was determined to get a better job soon. Awesome.

He spent a long time looking through the clothes this morning, selecting something that was just right. Someone got him an extra bag to carry them in. And then off he went, still wearing that Prada suit.

At the time, I couldn't have been happier. None of us could have been. You see, some of the guests at the Lunch have been coming for the better part of a decade. Some of them have a tendency to steal from us (hence the security guards). Some of them have severe mental illnesses. Some of them have kids (one woman today told me her twin daughters were named Sarah and Brook - both from the bible, she loved that I shared the one's name - and I didn't have the heart to ask where the 12 month olds were at the moment). Some of them bring their kids with them (today there were 4 little ones, none school age but all of them loving the raisins!). Some of them are high. Some of them are perpetually drunk. Some of them are in wheel chairs and so dirty you wonder if they'd ever come clean. Some of them are lonely and just need a hug (which I am happy to help out with). Some of them are quiet and embarrassed. Some of them are joyed to see a familiar face and shoot the breeze for a moment or two. And some of them leave wearing a Prada suit and ready for that first paycheck.

It wasn't until later, when I was recounting the story to Angela over lunch, that I broke down and cried a little. Happy tears really. Because this was an awesome moment in the life of this person, in the life of our ministry and in the my life. It was a reminder that God works in tiny ways we could never imagine and in big loud ways full of applause. And as the man in the Prada suit said today, through tears, "God is good." And several of us echoed back, "All the time." And it's true. So true.

The Little Schoolhouse

That's what Grandma used to call the Fleming School which was located on Grand River just outside of Howell (well it was, it was burned down two weeks ago). The little schoolhouse.

Grandma MacDonald loved that little one-room school, she served on the board, keeping the school in working order so that elementary school children from all over could visit and spend a whole day learning in the classroom there. I remember her spending long hours typing notes on the typewriter from the meetings, or making lunches to take so the volunteers could spend the day cleaning, getting ready for the kids to come visit.

Mostly I remember how much she cared about this place, this little building on the side of the road that, blink and you'd miss it, most people wouldn't think twice about. I wish I had asked her more about the project, why she cared so much, invested so much time and energy into the schoolhouse. But I didn't. Back then, I was in high school and she was busy. She did things, didn't just talk about them. She took action. She swept the floors and bought the pencils and loved hearing about friends' children who got to take a field trip with their class to Fleming School.

The day mom emailed me to tell me about the fire, I was crushed. Grandma would have been so sad to know that the school was no longer. I'm glad this didn't happen on her watch. On her watch, the little schoolhouse flourished. And we're all a bit better off for that.

A year

I cannot believe that one year ago today was when I acquired that damn little yellow box. Some of you might remember what happened: I got sick, took a lot of penicillin, had an allergic reaction to it (and not just one reaction - three, something my ER doc friend in Canada says is extremely rare, so yay me!), got my first epi pen (said yellow box), and ended up in the ER unable to breathe very well.

A year.

It seems crazy. Didn't that just happen? But then on the other hand, didn't that happen like a lifetime ago? But I suppose that's how these things go.

I think about that day, a year ago, and the day after it, when I was in the hospital, quite a bit. Maybe more than I should. Last spring and this fall, whenever I'd start to get the sniffles, or a sore throat, or whatever, I'd flash back to that day. That day when I was pretty sure I was going to die.

It's true. That Sunday night, my physical body covered in hives and swollen almost to capacity, I stood in the shower under a hot stream of water and prayed. I prayed to God that if I died that night, I wanted nothing more than to be in heaven with Him. I prayed simply, silently, through the water and the tears. I prayed for those I would leave behind and for what I where I would go. I prayed.

Did I feel a sense of relief? Yes. I did. I felt like maybe, whatever was happening, was happening for a reason. I prayed that God was in control, because I certainly wasn't, not of my body. I prayed that He hold me and comfort me and take me home, His will be done.

And I remember stepping out of that shower and thinking, well, that's over. I've made my peace. And as I laid down in bed, pants, socks, long sleeve shirt and gloves on (to stop the itching I didn't know I was doing at night but had left me bleeding the night before), I had this feeling of peace. Even though my body and mind were in chaos, my soul was not.

And yet? I didn't carry that peace with me this last year, not totally. I didn't lose it all but most of it comes and goes. There were moments when I was sure a slight cough was going to be the end of me. There were times when I held my breath as the liver test results came back because I had no idea if my body would ever function normally again after all those life-saving drugs (liver function is good, not great, but we're getting there!).

So yes, this is something I think about, a lot. I think about how important it is to not take the days and breaths for granted. I think about how important it is to find peace now because later might be too late. I think about how I am so fortunate to have the people I love fill my life with their presence.

I recently talked to a friend on the phone who I hadn't spoken too in quite some time. She said my voice had an edge to it, that I sounded hardened. I asked her if this was a good thing and she said, oh hell yes. She said I sounded like someone who has finally come into her own. And I love that. Because I have. I have figured out what's important in life (most days) and even better, who's important. I've made it a priority to spend time and energy on those people and when they return in kind, I've figured out the secret. Life is good. All will be well.

A year.

I've survived, and lived through, another year. I didn't know if that would happen last January 22nd. I'm glad it did. Here's to the next!

Good intentions

January is always a time of renewal, reflection and the idea that we can start fresh. Well, for most people. For me? January is usually a time of sickness. It seems, without fail, that family members or I end up with some hacking cough, runny nose, fever or something. This year? Sinus junk. Not sure how else to explain it. First my mom got it, back on New Year's Eve. Then Angela got it, just in time to fly back to Los Angeles. And this week? I have succumbed. I fought the good fight. I took extra vitamins, drank juice, chugged airborne, tried to stay away from people but alas, I have fallen.

In the fall (and frankly, through December) I started to panic whenever I got even a scratchy throat. What if IT happens again. What if I can't breathe. What if I need antibotics. All questions I have no answers for. Other than? I will survive. I have a cold. Just a cold. I keep telling myself that. And so, I took to the couch for a good day of rest and then today, have hobbled back to my computer, Kleenex close by, Vitamin Water close at hand, and the idea that I only need to do the bare minimum to keep my job.

See the nice thing about working from home is that I get to work from home. The not so nice thing? I have to work from home. No matter what. No sick days. I can't get away from work. I can't pretend that I'm too sick to go into the office. So, because others perverse, I will too. (Yeah, yeah, I know. I only have a cold. Whatever.) However, the one I feel sorry for is Angela. She feels like crap and she actually has to go to work. No sick days for her either. That's one of the perks of being a substitute teacher. She doesn't go to work, she doesn't get paid. And not just that. She doesn't go to work? She loses her "days", the amount of time she's accrued this school year working in the same classroom that gives her seniority and extra pay every day. Miss one day and boom! back at day zero. So, yeah, she's at work. But so are all the other sick teachers who have sick days to burn so apparently that's ok. Great system.

Ok, I need to keep grading so I can go back to the couch and watch Alias on Netflix. It's true, I have the whole series on DVD but clicking my little tiny Apple TV remote and having it appear instantly is so much better than loading DVDs.

Whew!

So somehow it got to be January 11th already, 2013. Yep, we're 11 days in folks. I cannot believe it. Here's what's happened in those 11 days:

• I read the new Dick Wolf (creator of Law and Order) book "The Intercept" and it was really good!
• I saw my grandparents' new apartment - their third in a year - and it's very nice! I also managed to break and fix their new coffeepot. 
• I got to hug and squeeze and spend time with some of my family before flying back to L.A. I love that!!!!
• I spent some quality time with my DVR which was almost empty when I left for the holidays and was 99% full when I got back. There's some good TV on right now people! Downton Abbey! Chicago Fire! Justified! Cougar Town! Suburgatory! So much!
• I read half of the Kathy Reichs book "Flash and Bones". The TV show Bones is based on these books and while they're very different, they're very good. Big recommend from me. 
• I started back at the University of Phoenix. After a two week break for the holidays we're back in the classroom, ready or not!
• I got my first coach purse! Woohoo! Now I just have to catch up to mom and Ang (they each have two already!). 
• I packed most of my stuff. I flew across the country. I unpacked. I want a teleporter for my birthday.
• I went outside without mittens in MI where it was 15 degrees. I went outside with mittens and froze in CA where it was 42 degrees. 
• I half-setup my new MacBook Pro. I'm still figuring out the other half.
• I said "YES!" twice already. Part of my new philosophy (not in the new year, it started last fall) is to say, "yes" to as many new things as possible in the hopes of jump starting my career and having a more interesting, impactful life. So far? I've said yes to signing up for Women in Film - a networking organization that's pretty big here in Hollywood. It costs a lot of money (for me, at least) but I am believe it'll be a positive step for my career. And I've also said yes to attending a showrunners panel which I'm very excited about!

Alas, it's been a good 11 days so far. Angela's a little under the weather but overall, we're good! Here's to the best year yet!!!

Friday Fun Night Revisited

This photo makes my heart sing. Back when I was just starting Grad School and Angela was a sophomore at Western Michigan University, we decided that we wanted to have something to do on Friday nights that didn't involve going out and partying. We wanted to meet new people and have fun and do it on campus, at the Wesley Foundation where Angela was a peer minister. So we started Friday Fun Night. At first we didn't get a lot of response but Angela and I showed up to Wesley at 7pm on a Friday night anyway and waited. And guess who was the first person to walk in the door? Joe (see the guy above in the orange shirt). Joe who over a decade later would be sitting in our kitchen on a Friday night, playing games again. I love that so much. So much.

Joe and his wife have recently moved back to Michigan and we rounded up Rick and Eric and Susie (all pictured above) and had dinner this week. We laughed and shared stories and caught up on lives (Facebook doesn't do justice to what's been going on over the past 7 years since we'd seen Rick and Joe) and had a great time meeting Joe and Amanda's one and a half year old son.

Eleven years ago I never would have dreamed that friendships started over board games in a church rec room would still live on so strongly. I'm so so thankful for that. And for all of these people in my life!

Christmas!

Whew! It has been a busy couple of weeks. We had the Christmas tea, we had our day trips, we had multiple family Christmases, we had parties and celebrations and worship services and time with the little ones. We had baking and cooking and shopping and wrapping and gift giving and receiving. We had such fun. And then on Christmas morning, I woke everyone up at 5:45am! (Yes, I waited 45 minutes after I woke up!) We had a great time and a great day. But whew, it has been a whirlwind. That's why the day after Christmas we were so excited to spend the day in PJs (aka, the new Red Wings thermals we'd all gotten) watching movies, playing games and reading new books (and yes, napping). But it has been a good vacation regardless of the pace. And tomorrow we head to Canada to visit family! 2012 is going out with a bang!

Gleaners

Last Saturday, December 22nd, Angela, my mom, my dad and I headed to a small industrial park just outside of Howell. There we found a door in the back and entered a large warehouse. Inside? Gleaners Food Bank. Now, I've been to food banks before, worked at many in college and grad school, et cetera. But this one was a bit different. Set up like a grocery store, with scales instead of cash registers, it's designed to look like any other store. The difference? People make appointments to shop and get so many pounds of food based on their need. They shop on average 4 to 6 times a year and popular items include peanut butter, jelly, soup, boxed milk, and fresh pastries. This time of year there's also candy for stocking stuffers and toys for the kids.

It was an interesting experience, one I'm so glad we could have. My parents have worked at Gleaners before, in the fall, with a church group, and talked so highly of their experience I couldn't wait to get a chance to go too. While there we stocked shelves, helped bag groceries and check people out, and do just whatever needed to be done. We got to empty some of the donation bins from the local schools (side note: if you ever find yourself donating to these bins, consider donating a case of something - a case is much easier to shelve and display than several single cans of different things). I enjoyed the time because we weren't doing just one job - we were milling about, taking ownership of different tasks, helping the customers, chatting with the other volunteers. But most of all? I'm glad that there are places like Gleaners, places where families who need help can get help. Places where the mom with the toddler can stock up on milk and cans of beef stew. Places where the couple can get fresh squash to make soup for Christmas Eve. Places where there are donuts sprinkled red and green for the father to take home for Christmas morning. I'm so glad.

Christmastime fun

Angela and I flew into Detroit Saturday afternoon for three weeks at home. And while it's only Wednesday afternoon now, we've already knocked out a ton of our to-do list and had so much fun. We've shopped and shopped. We've baked and assembled. We've had the candlelight Christmas Tea at church, we've worshipped twice at Howell UMC. We've seen the grandneighbors in the Catholic school Christmas program. We've toured the Dodge house at Meadow Brook. We've walked through Rochester Hills and looked at the lights and eaten a yummy meal at an Irish pub. We've seen the grandparents, all three, and we've hugged tons of friends. We've even squeaked in some wrapping and singing and last night we got to watch the family favorite: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. We all laugh every year at the same jokes until we cry. Such fun. And Christmas is still a week away! Whew!

My Advent Devotion

Here's the devotion I wrote for the Hollywood UMC Advent Devotion Booklet for today:

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Luke 1:26-31

We’re all familiar with the story of how the angel Gabriel was sent by God to tell Mary the good news. She had found favor with God and would give birth to a son who’s name would be Jesus. And I think we’re all familiar with being surprised by news ourselves, whether it be a scary health diagnosis, a promotion at work, a wrench thrown in our plans or even a new relationship. But what we’re likely less familiar with is the sense of control we can feel in such a situation.

Gabriel told Mary not to be afraid. He wanted to make sure she knew right away that she was loved, that the Lord was with her. Often times people talk about giving over control to God in tough situations, relying on His will, whatever it is. But I think this passage is a reminder that really, we’re the ones with control in these situations. We’re the ones who heed God’s call, we’re the ones who make the conscious choice to say a prayer, to ask God for help, to be comforted by His words and His love. Mary didn’t have to believe that the Lord was with her in that moment but she did; she made the choice to believe.

Every day we’re faced with millions of choices. What to eat for breakfast, what to watch on television, whether or not to take a drink or say a hurtful word. And this Advent season, we get to make another choice. We get to decide whether or not we’ll be comforted by the baby that’s about to be born, by the baby who will be called Jesus. We get to decide how we celebrate His impending arrival. We get to make the choice to believe. And that’s really all there is to it: belief that God loves us, belief that He sent his Son to die for us, belief that Good will always win out over Bad. So it’s up to you, what do you choose?

Dear Lord,

Thank you for free will and the opportunity to choose You. Amen.

Merry Christmas 2012

Angela found a gorgeous set of Christmas cards online this fall - all designs made with things found near the sea: rope, shells, sticks, etc. They were made by a local photographer but they were expensive. That didn't matter, she had her own idea. We copy the idea, the theme, and make our own! So...

Off we went! The week before Thanksgiving we headed out to the beach, Venice Beach specifically, on a bright and sunny and cold Monday morning (Presidents' Day, in fact). We collected things to take with us, some rope from the garage, some Santa hats we'd used at the children's AIDS clinic last year, and I purchased some shells and starfish at a craft shop. We wrapped an empty box and used a 99 cent bow to decorate it and Voila! instant photography shoot props!

The day was sunny and crisp and perfect. We used the digital camera I got for Christmas last year (a little point and shoot) and our iPhones as back up. We took 146 pictures. Way more than necessary but it was perfect, we had a lot to pick from when we got home.

All in all the shoot lasted about an hour. We got sand everywhere, we laughed a lot and we even had several offers from fellow beachgoers to take our picture together which was very sweet (even though the photo we ended up using is one taken by me on my iPhone). A very good day. And a beautiful result, if I do say so myself. I'm so glad Angela had the idea and we were able to execute it easily and perfectly. So Merry Christmas from us to you!
xoxo

Once Upon a Christmas 2012

Last year my church, Hollywood UMC, put on the first annual "Once Upon a Christmas", an afternoon of storytelling and music. There were five of us who each took turns sitting on a stool in Grant Hall, George played the guitar and there were maybe 50 people present. We told stories and laughed and teared up and smiled. It was a great December afternoon.

Well, this year, they decided to do it again. But on a Saturday night. With us storytellers at the front of the sanctuary with microphones and a 30-member choir behind us. George was still there with his guitar, and the stories were the same (you can read mine here, on last year's blog) but the event? Very different. We had a host, Pauley Perrette from NCIS (and a member of our church), we also had cookies afterward arranged by the fabulous Angela and we had a rehearsal. And cues. And we had to remember when to go where and we did our very own "Saturday Night Live' ending with us on stage waving goodbye. Quite the night.

It really was a great event, we had a good turn out (though we'd have liked more we had about 150 people, 180 if you count the choir) and most of all? We had a great time, all for a great cause (we raised money for the Homeless Lunch program on Tuesdays at church). And I have to say, I really did like performing. I wasn't nervous at all, I loved the comradeship that comes with putting on a show and being in it together. It was also so fun to make people laugh and to have people, even the next day at church, quote my story back to me ("when televisions were the size of Priuses") and tell me how I inspired them to make their own "tree of boys" (do I know my audience or what?!?!). 

Am I going to become a performer? No. Wearing heels all night wasn't great fun. Sitting around waiting for rehearsals? Over it. But actually performing? Amazing. I'm a writer and so just getting to share my work (because I read my story, there was no memorization involved) with others, and make them smile and laugh was something very special for me. Very special. 

Angela's Advent Devotion

It's Guest Blogger Day! Here's the advent devotion Angela wrote for our church's advent booklet:

Advent Devotional for Sunday, December 9
Scripture: Luke 3:1-6

…the word of God came to John son of Zechariah in the wilderness.
He went into all the region around the Jordan,

proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins,
as it is written in the book of the words of the prophet Isaiah,
‘The voice of one crying out in the wilderness:
“Prepare the way of the Lord…”

======================================

John the Baptist was an interesting character. He was, by all accounts, different than other religious men of his day. He was an itinerant preacher who cared only for his cause. Verse 3 tells us that John the Baptist went around proclaiming to everyone that a “baptism of repentance” was needed in order for people to repent. John the Baptist was not quiet about his beliefs and neither should we be.

I don’t recommend going to work tomorrow and baptizing your coworkers at the water cooler but do not shy away from your beliefs. We need to “prepare the way of the Lord” as John the Baptist did. As you prepare your house, wrap your presents and decorate your cookies this Christmas, be a little bit louder in action and word about the reason you are so very merry this holiday season.

- Angela Knapp

PRAYER
God, We pray this season that your spirit will flow through us so that we can be an example to others as we prepare for your arrival. Amen.

Task Rabbit

If you know me, you know I've been working several jobs for the past four years. I write, I teach online, I teach in the classroom, I assist a writer, et cetera et cetera. So, when I read about this new website called Task Rabbit in Time magazine, I surfed on over and immediately signed up. I went through a background check, several virtual interviews with my handy dandy webcam and Voila! I'm a Task Rabbit.

So what's a Task Rabbit do? Anything someone needs doing. This is how it works: You, the customer or person in need, posts a task online. You can post what you'll pay or you can let us Rabbits bid. Then we bid or accept the job, show up (or do it online), and bam! You get your task done and I get paid.

So last week I went on my first job, downtown L.A., to help set up for the Small Business Expo. I was one of about 10 Task Rabbits there, and about 50 others working, and it was really great. Everyone was very hospitable, I was assigned multiple jobs throughout the day and when my shift ended (I worked 9 to 5), I shook their hands and came home. (The guys in charge were super - they even ordered pizza for us for lunch!)

So what did I do? I put together easels and hung signs. I unpacked crates organized furniture. And then I spent about 4 hours stuffing gift bags with promotional materials (see some of that above) which was a long, tedious activity but...I was being paid and the other Task Rabbits were very friendly. We chatted about other jobs, gluten, the election, favorite TV shows, et cetera. So all in all? A great first Task Rabbiting experience.

If you ever find yourself in need of someone to do a task, I'd recommend the site (tasks can be done in any number of cities listed on the site) or virtually. And surf on over and find my page if you're interested! I have a Task Rabbit number and I can be requested specifically for jobs.

The Pitch

As my Facebook status read last night: I survived my pitch to the 'Modern Family' writer with only minor pit stains. Yay!

True story.

So the conference call was very cool. We used this software that allows you to log in online and then talk on your phone and chat at the same time. It seemed to work very well and I liked interacting with people that way (especially the chat function, several others on the call sent me direct messages and we had nice little conversations).  

But what about my pitch you ask? Well, I think it went well. I'd worked on it for almost a week, first adding about 2 minutes and then cutting almost 3 minutes out as new suggestions arose and as new instructions came regarding the call. What I had at the end was pretty tight and I think, funny. (My parents, Angela, and 2 awesome friends told me it was so I'm going to choose to believe them.)

Here's the gist of my pitch:

Together Forever is a multi-cam sitcom (filmed in front of a live studio audience, instead of a dead one) about Will Strong, a burly guy's guy former construction worker who fears commitment, hates all things wedding-related, and has recently inherited the struggling family business because everyone's sure he can turn it around. The catch? It's the family wedding planning business. 

I went on to describe some of my inspiration for writing the show (bring up my family's business, a funeral home, and how for grooms, they can often be one in the same), told the cold open (the first scene of the show which involves Will singing along with Alanis Morissette and eating a lot of chocolate, and giving an overview of the pilot episode, the other characters and the tone of the show (Everybody Loves Raymond meets Bridezilla). 

After I pitched, Mr. O'Shannon (the Modern Family writer on the call) gave me a few notes. His first? He hates weddings. Had two of his own and thus, the minute I started, he was predisposed not to like the subject matter. But...he did say that that's going to be true of a lot of topics for a lot of people and he wouldn't let it cloud his judgement. Okay....

He went on to tell me that I gave a little too much exposition in the cold open (which is a great note as likely, there's too much exposition in the actual script at that point too) and that the idea could be risky because it may get repetitive (every week another goofy wedding). So those are notes I could address in the next pitch and in my writing. Other than that? He said I seemed personable (as far as a conference call allows him to judge that) and that my pitch was conversational (something I was very worried about as I was basically reading from my notes). And yes, I did mess up the work inspector. Somehow I managed to pronounce it as instructor each and every time I practiced and then again last night, ah, great fun.

Overall? A really positive, enjoyable experience. Whenever someone wants to read my writing or hear about my writing, I'm all in. And I'm grateful for the chance to pitch to someone who's won Emmys (Cheers and Modern Family) and written on amazing shows (Fraiser and Newhart just to name a couple). And when I slid my business card in the thank you note I mailed to Mr. O'Shannon this morning, I said a little prayer that the next time I pitch, it'll go as smoothly. And that I find a better deodorant.

Networking the town

As a writer, I'm happy sitting behind my computer at my desk for hours, days, weeks on end. As a person, I'm happy when I get to have long, rich conversations, laugh with friends, and meet new people who might be interesting and have the potential to become friends. Luckily for me, I get to combine the two sides...right? Right.

Well, sorta of right. I've been realizing this year (with the help of a screenwriting consultant and my writers' group) that I have a pretty great portfolio of scripts. I have pilots and specs and a novel and a screenplay or two. I have a lot of stuff and a lot of stuff that I want others to read (which wasn't always the case). But I've also been realizing that the next step in the career I want is networking. And so I've been working on getting out there more, trying to figure where "out there" is and talking to people who might have connections or know of people who might have connections. Because as in most industries, it's mostly about who you know.

So last week I went to an event called Friday Night Drinks. I got all dolled up in my writerly clothes (jacket, new green scarf I got for my birthday, new black glasses) and I headed off to the bar at The Grove. My writer friend and I were early so we browsed the candy shop below (yeah, interesting combination for the building) and then headed upstairs for two hours of talking loudly (the music was deafening) and exchanging business cards and paying too much for a so-so glass of wine. But here's the exciting thing...

Networking helped! I'm finally seeing some of the fruits of the labor I've been putting in over the past four years! Within twenty minutes of being there I was offered the chance to pitch a sitcom spec to a comedy writer. And not just any comedy writer. A comedy writer on a hit TV show: Modern Family. Yep, on Monday I'll be on a conference call where I'll pitch an original 5-minute idea to Dan O'Shannon. I'm freaking excited. (And maybe just freaking out too because I don't feel ready...yet...but I will be!)

How'd it happen? Well the woman arranging the call (the consultant I've been working with, Jen Grisanti, who is awesome - love her!) was looking for comedy writers and a friend mentioned me and since she knows my work and I was literally in her line of site, 5 feet away from her, she pulled me over and immediately asked me if I'd do it. And I truly believe that had I not been standing there in front of her, it wouldn't have happened. So, networking might not be so horrible after all!

What does this pitch mean? Who knows. Maybe Dan will like what I say and ask to read something. Maybe it'll just be a chance to practice my pitch with a real audience of people who really matter in this business. Maybe something I can't even dream up. But mostly? I'm glad I went out last Friday night and I'm glad I said yes the second she asked even though my instinct was to back away out of fear.

So, will my pitch be funny? We'll find out Monday night at 7!

Emergency Preparedness

Angela and I have been working on a project for about 6 weeks now and this Saturday we finally finished it! The project?

Creating an emergency kit and making sure we are prepared in case something happens.

What's the something you ask? Well, it could be anything. In our neck of the woods it most likely will be an earthquake that's stronger than the ones we've experienced recently. Or maybe another type of natural disaster. Or maybe an extended power outage, like the one on that show Revolution I keep meaning to watch. (But most likely our kit will not help us much in the event of a zombie attack, if my viewing of The Walking Dead is at all accurate. But Angela has expressed her desire to just be killed immediately if that happens, she has no desire to battle walkers, so maybe the kit will sustain me if that happens.)

We run our Neighborhood Watch group and each month we talk about being prepared for different events. Angela has participated in the Great Shake Out each year through LAUSD, which is a simulated earthquake-type event where they practice their roles. And we had some water and corned beef from when we first moved to L.A. but we recently decided that would not be enough. So this summer when Angela and I both stumbled upon a blog posting about being prepared, we decided to take action and do it right this time. It took a while to collect all of the necessary things, many of which we had to purchase, but I think we both feel somewhat comforted by the notion that if something bad happens, we can try to manage it with some supplies.

On Saturday we put the kit together in the tub we bought and these are some pictures of what went in it. A full set of clothes including shoes, for both of us. Glasses for me (conveniently I just got new glasses so the old, unattractive pair, goes in the box!), plastic sheeting in case of airborne emergencies, etc. We bought a hand-crank flashlight this spring and it works, not that well, but it'll be good if the batteries go out in the regular ones we have. We also bought a Red Cross approved hand-crank emergency radio. The Red Cross kit pictured above is something I won at a community event last year and we threw it in for good measure. There's a poncho and warming blanket in it which Angela has already claimed. Yeah, there are 2 whistles so there won't be a fight over those.

We fashioned a first aid kit from the list we found. I substituted some things like bleach with wet ones and hand sanitizer. It took some legwork to find the waterproof matches. And I still don't know the difference between peroxide and rubbing alcohol so we bought both. We didn't put any prescription drugs in the kit, just some pain reliever but if you take medicine regularly, it's suggested you put that in. Angela figures that in case of extreme emergency her anxiety meds won't really help her anyway so no need to get an extra bottle.

We put old shoes in but shoes that will be okay for walking or running (God forbid). I think these are really important since an emergency might occur at night when you're not thinking about what to grab or have nothing on your feet. It's also why I keep shoes under my bed for quick access. We added food that won't go bad quickly, won't require much prep (nothing here requires so much as even a can opener, but if you put tuna in your box, put in a can opener!). We did nuts and canned meat and peanut butter (with spoons!). We'll also check our box once a year and refresh the water and food as needed. See the plaid blanket above? That's from my car, and that's mine because I don't get a poncho!

We had originally purchased these 3 Day Emergency Backpacks and are keeping them close as well. This one is 2 years old, bought after the last big quake when the store had only 2 left. We have 1 in the house and 1 in each of our cars. They're pricey (about $90 if I remember correctly) but if you want easy, it's a great way to go!

Do we feel more secure? I guess Angela does! And yes, I think it's a good idea. It's great to know that in case something happens, we'll have some things we might need handy, in a tub that although heavy, I can carry with me if I need to leave my house immediately. Or if I can't get to a store or something. And basically, we put this kit together with the hope and faith that we'll never need to use it.

Here's a more comprehensive list of what we included in our Emergency Preparedness Kit:

• 3-day ready made kit
• Plastic container for kit/supplies
• Ziplocs for storage of open food/supplies
• Water - 3 gallons per person
• Food - highly caloric, canned (we have peanuts, peanut butter, granola bars, canned meat, and the energy bars included in the 3-day kit)
• First aid kit including gloves, gauze, tape, antibiotic ointment, pain reliever
• Surgical masks (in 3-day kit)
• Clothing (we included both short- and long-sleeved shirts, yoga pants, bras, underwear, socks, shoes)
• Sunscreen and lip balm
• Waterproof matches
• Fire extinguisher (this isn't technically in our kit but we have one in the house, we're going to look into getting another one for the kit/house though because Angela learned at the last Great Shake Out that the Red Cross/city recommends having them as police/fire may not be able to get to us quickly)
• One large flashlight per person/batteries (we have hand-crank varieties too)
• Hand-crank radio
• Utility knife
• Whistles with lanyards (in 3-day kit)
• Cash (the suggestion was $150, we have a cash stash of over $200 which isn't in the kit but is in the house)
• Hand sanitizer/wipes and/or chlorine bleach to use as cleaner
• Tampons/pads
• Garbage bags
• Blankets - 1 per person
• Duct tape and plastic sheeting
• Fun stuff - we chose 2 decks of cards though Angela says she needs to brush up on her card games now  (if we find a cheap Uno deck, that may go in at some point)
• Documents (this took some time but we felt it was really important regardless of putting the kit together or not) - all are copies (not originals! those are in the fireproof lockbox in the house!) which are included in a Ziploc/waterproof bag
• Passports
• Driver's licences
• Bank accounts
• Credit cards
• Birth certificates
• Social security cards
• We also put all of our digital photos on a flash drive and put a copy in the lockbox

In addition, we talked about our emergency communication plan. I put cards in both of our wallets that include our cell numbers, contact numbers for people out of state (Mom and Dad!), and where to meet if something happens and we can't get to our house (Angela's school which is within walking distance of here and is a Red Cross/city shelter). We made sure our car kits were up to date and also made sure Angela has some things at school in case something happens while she's there.

We still have to find out how to turn off the natural gas and main water source at our house but we're well on our way to being prepared. And basically, that's all we can ever do, right? Prepare?

So that's what we've been up to. Not sure what we'll do with all of our spare time now that this project's complete! But it's one of those things that's good to be done with.

Birthday Month!

I don't know how it started but at some point, birthday weeks sounded like a good idea. A whole week of celebrating, eating out, slacking off, hanging out with friends. And then...inevitably, it turned into birthday month. Chipolte even though we have sandwiches at home? Yes, it's birthday month. Watch a movie instead of clean the house? Yes, it's birthday month. Need an excuse to go out with friends? It's birthday month!

And so it goes...this month is my time! We've been doing little things all along. Birthday pedicures. Birthday massages because we got a coupon and it's birthday month! So naturally Thursday, my actual birthday, had to be a bigger celebration! And it was!

I got to talk to my parents several times (love that!) and hear the stories about my birth. I had lunch at Canter's with my writer group friends and we talked about TV shows and showrunners and ratings and our own ideas and didn't have to worry that anyone else, not in the screenwriting biz, was bored. One friend even made me cookies in her new apartment!!!

Then I hurried home to see our amazing Detroit Tigers beat the Yankees to get to the World Series! (And there was much rejoicing!!!!) An awesome afternoon couldn't have been better planned!

After Angela chased the mail lady down the street to get the package from my mom, I got to open presents(!) and found this among all the lovely things! My mom has been working on it for a while and I LOVE IT!!!! I always wish for snow on my birthday and I got it (even if it was 91 degrees in L.A.)!

Then Angela and I had my favorite meal (meatloaf just like mom makes!) and headed to Hollywood for some bowling. See, we really know how to celebrate!

We continued Friday with a girls' night at The Velvet Margarita where our wonderful friend Thomas works. He arranged reservations for us and a special birthday surprise (hence the candle!). We ran into friends new and old as the night wore on and just had a wonderful time!!!! All in all, a spectacular birthday month! But yet, not over. Because October's not over yet. No big plans left but you never know! Plus, there's still cake in the kitchen!

Birthday Eve

Tomorrow is my birthday. It's not a big one like 30 or 40 or even 21 or 16. But it's a birthday. In fact, I think I've been contemplating this birthday more than I have any other in my past. Why? Because I'm turning 35.

35.

So far, the biggest change I have noticed is that I'll no longer mark the box on some forms that says "Age: 22-34", instead I'll have to mark the box on forms that says "Age: 35-Dead" or something like that. Other than that? I'm not sure what will be different tomorrow.

This morning when I talked to my mom she reminded me that 35 years ago today she was Christmas shopping with my Grandma Boutell. She reminded me that it was cold and rainy on the day of my birth but then hot and steamy a few days later when she introduced me to family members. I remembered that I always used to pray for snow on my birthday, even just a few flakes. I love snow. Always have. I used to pray and pray and maybe once or twice, I got my wish. But usually? It was cold and dark and rainy. Michigan in October.

Tomorrow in L.A. it's supposed to be 90 and sunny. Not the birthday I would have imagined for myself all those years ago. But then again, I never would have dreamed I'd live in California either. When I was little I don't remember thinking about what life would be like when I was older. It seems to me that you just grew up and there was more of the same. More of life. More of Michigan, of the town I grew up in, more of the people I love, more of just making it through another year. Not bad, not good, just that was it. My how things have changed.

In 35 years I've lived in three different states, done countless jobs and embarked on several careers. Would I change anything if I could?

Ooh, good question.

I think about that all the time. What would have happened if I had stayed in Michigan. Or gotten my doctorate degree after grad school. Or pursued a teaching certificate. Or followed the journalism path I started down once upon a time. What would have happened if I'd married that college boyfriend. Or been too scared to apply to film school. Where would I be. Who would I be.

I don't know. And I guess that's part of the fun of it. As I make it through another year, a year filled with sickness and rejection and sadness and disappointment and terror of what's coming next, I think a lot about all of it. But I also think about all of the awesome things that have happened. All of the people I've met. All of the things I've experienced. How I get to spend each day writing. Writing. That's something I cannot take for granted.

I might wish for snow tomorrow. Or wonder what life would be like in Michigan with kids and a husband and a regular job. Or think about what next year will bring and how I can make it so. I might curse the warm weather a little and dream of air conditioning and chocolate ice cream. But here's something I know for sure.

I'm where I am because this is exactly where I am meant to be. This is the plan, this has always been the plan, and no matter the course I took to get here, I am here.

I can second guess my choices, play back my decisions, question my thinking all I want but it won't change that fact. I'm who I am. I'm doing what I want to do. I'm happy. And that's the truth.

I can't remember a lot from when I was little. I get scared sometimes thinking something's wrong with me because I don't recall my third birthday party in detail like others do. But then I remember that it's ok. I have people in my life who love me and who will share my story with me. I have new stories to share with them. And that's really what's important. I am blessed and grateful and happy. I'm alive and well and turning 35 tomorrow. And no box on any form define who I am. Only I get to do that. And right now? I like the definition I've come up with. I like it a lot. And guess what? If I want, tomorrow I can write a new definition. Happy birthday to me.

Bad Girls

I have a new favorite song. It happens from time to time, I get a little ditty stuck in my head and I can't get it out. I listen to it on repeat over and over, mostly in the car. And I get really excited when I hear it out and about in the world.

My new favorite song?

Bad Girls by M.I.A.

I heard it originally playing through a scene of the pilot of The Mindy Project that new sitcom on FOX created by Mindy Kaling. It was fun the way the music swelled and highlighted what was happening to the main character onscreen. It took a little Googling but I found out what the song was, downloaded it and put it on repeat.

Then last night I heard it again. Angela and I went to a screening of the new Melissa McCarthy/Jason Bateman comedy Identity Thief. And there was my song, playing at the beginning and the end, perfectly bookending the movie. I was in love. Until I was driving home from the grocery store this afternoon. Windows down. Bad Girls blaring through the stereo.

I was thinking about the movie. About the scenes over which the song played. And I suddenly realized, I can never use that song in my own movie. It's been done. Someone else did this really cool thing. Wow.

It was just an interesting thought. To think that this has been done. And can never be done the same way again. How each day, we do something different, maybe something similar but it's never going to be the same.

It was a great movie. Go see it when it comes out in February. (It was even better for me because I spent the entire screening with the knowledge that the screenwriter, Craig Mazin, was in the seat directly behind me! Very cool!).

And download the song, give it a whirl. Maybe you'll like it just a fraction as much as I do;-)

Guts and imagination

Everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. -- Sylvia Plath

Ah, self-doubt. Anyone know anything about that? Oh, wait. That's my hand that shot up in the air and then flew down only to creep back up, slowly. Yep, self-doubt.

I wrote a novel a few years back, actually finished it about three years ago. I was over the moon. It was before I was really into the screenwriting business. It was back when I was just a writer. I wrote and wrote and wrote. And I finally had this thing, this book, to hold in my hands. And hold I did. I copied it that December and gave a copy to my parents and several grandparents. I heard people enjoyed it though I don't know if I ever saw anyone reading it or if anyone had anything specific to say about it. I have one of those copies here and each time I run across it in the closet, I want to cry.

I love this book. I love the story. I love the characters. They are real to me. They are real and they are stuck in a closet gathering dust and hiding under a box of CD cases I'll never use but can't seem to part with. Why? Because I don't know what to do with this book I've made. This thing I've created.

I'm not sure what I thought would happen to it (okay, that's a lie - I was planning on giving it to my agent when I got one through my glorious screenwriting career) but nothing has, so far. That qualifier is the only thing that holds me - so far. I won't let that self-doubt stop me.

Today I start a rewrite. The novel is long, too long, for a first-time writer to get published so I need to cut. Kill my babies, as we say in writing circles. I need to edit and restructure and tame it. No small feat but nothing I can't handle. (Famous last words...)

So here I go. And hopefully, sometime in the near future, you'll be able to hold your very own copy of An every day silence by Sarah Knapp. Guts and imagination, here we go!